No Business Like Show Business

For the past few months all my blog posts have featured, at some point, a plug for a show I was in called The Hired Man. I harped on about it so much before hand that it only feels right to write a post about how it went and also just about what it's like to be involved in theatre in general. Now that I'm no longer in the land of wigs, farmers boots, and petticoats it will be fun to look back over the whole process of the past 8 months...

*stares off into the middle distance* #emosh

Auditions

Auditions are certainly the worst part about being in a show but at least you get them out of the way at the start! If you've been following my blog for a while you will be well aware that auditions are sometimes great experiences for me - ones I leave on an absolute high knowing I've done my best, and sometimes they are the most soul crushing and horrible experiences - where you've bared yourself (not literally, it's not that kind of audition) for the panel only to mess up and let yourself down or for them to tell you you're not good enough. 

My audition for a part in The Hired Man was actually a fairly pleasant experience! I was absolutely terrified though, I can't lie. I had worked so, so hard for that audition. I knew all the scenes and pieces of music inside out and had researched and really thought about the character (I hadn't thought about much else for the two weeks leading up to the audition to be honest). I don't think I could have been much more prepared but there's something about having to deliver in front of a panel of six people and knowing this is your one chance to get it right which can make you feel a little nauseous! The two actors, Mollie and Emrys, who read in the other parts made the experience really great as they were amazing and so helped my vision of each scene to come to life - thanks guys!

Rehearsals

Once the cast list has been released, it's time to crack on with rehearsals! Some of my happiest memories from my whole life are of times in a rehearsal room. Until it gets super close to a show and everyone's a little stressed, rehearsals are fun filled times with your friends, watching a show start to take shape. Rehearsals for The Hired Man were so much fun - from note bashing to scene blocking to choreography learning. A huge shout-out to our director Ed, musical director Julie, and choreographer Kerry for being so organised and amazing during this process!

Most of the characters in The Hired Man are adult farmers and miners who lived over 100 years ago - a far cry from the group of 21st Century teens who had to play them! For this reason our director led a lot of workshop based rehearsals so that we could explore how it would feel to be living their lives; what it was like to live through war, to work the land, to be trapped in the mines, to lose loved ones, and to fight for rights we now take for granted. We even went on a trip to the Imperial War Museum in London to carry out further research. I absolutely loved this whole side of things because I'm a little bit of a history nerd and found it all really interesting! I also feel that it helped me make my performance much more authentic as I really appreciated what it would have been like to live the life of my character. As the song 'Work' from the show says: "If you lived our lives, you'd feel the same. In your heart too would burn such a flame".

The squad take the Imperial War Museum

Tech and Stress

The correct term for this next stage would be the tech and dress but I've called it the tech and stress because it is bloody tense times! I think we lost count of how many pencils our director snapped out of pure rage in these last few rehearsals... tense times indeed! Although this stage is rarely the most fun, it is vital in producing the polished production that you see as a member of the audience. Every scene must be walked through to mark out every lighting cue, entrances and exits must be clarified, props and staging has to be set in the correct places on and offstage etc. As the majority of our rehearsals for The Hired Man had taken place in spaces other than the actual theatre, we had to tweak some of our dance numbers; 60 performers dancing on stage presents some logistical problems!

One of the things I was most excited about regarding being in The Hired Man was the costume. I've always wanted to be in a show that's meant I can wear period dress. All I'm saying now is be careful what you wish for. Don't get me wrong, I still loved my costume, but boy is it treacherous trying to navigate stairs in that skirt when it's a blackout on stage! In addition to the outfit, I had to have a hair piece because my natural hair is short. Similarly, this was all fun and games at first as I was loving having long hair again, but it wasn't so fun by the end of the night when it would be KILLING ME! It felt like my head was being stabbed all over. The ritual of taking the thing out at 11:30 every night was painful for both me and my mum, haha!

My moaning aside, Craig who was our hair and make up stylist was incredibly talented and did such a wonderful job of all the beards, mustaches, hair pieces, and ageing make up which really helped make the show more authentic and believable. 

I personally think that Ben, Oscar and I all look better hairy... amma right?

For me, by far the worst part of the show was the microphone tape. That stuff should be banned. Banned I tell you! Basically, to hold our mics in place we had to have a little strip of transpore tape on our cheeks and back of our necks. Having these lil blighters ripped of at the end of the night made me want to cry. Whenever I've had this in shows before it hasn't been bad at all so who knows what this particular tape was made of. It left me with the biggest most gross spots on the back of my neck too which took ages to go! I would joke with some of the guys backstage that having my tape ripped off was worse than my son dying in the show. What, I'm a thespian, I can't help being a little dramatic lol.

Showtime baby!

Being in this show was just the best. I love the pre-show feeling of opening night: the nerves and excitement and apprehension. This show was no different. Most of my family were there on opening night and it was amazing seeing them in the audience, completely enthralled by the performance. I loved every second of performing that show - from the emotional moments to the comical moments. A particular highlight for me every night was a part of the show that no one actually got to see... In one of the songs 'Get Up and Go Lad' a group of us had to move across the stage and then up the stairs through the audience, we were then in a room at the back of the auditorium where no one could see us. I can't remember how this started but at this point during every performance we formed a dance circle and danced our little hearts out whilst some other members of the cast were continuing the song on stage. This little tradition became one of the things I looked forward to the most. It was so silly and just hysterical. So, shoutout to my dance squad: Thomas, Livi, Ellis, Archie, Xav, Dan.

It's all very well me saying that the shows went well but you can see here what the professionals said about it. Along with great reviews like this one and a 5 star review from the Oxford Times, we got some amazing messages from the composer of the show, Howard Goodall! His parents came to watch the show and enjoyed it so much that they came back a couple of nights later, this time with Goodall's brother too.

Screeshot creds to Sofia

The feeling of singing, acting and dancing your heart out on stage is like no other feeling on earth. I think it's one that you need to experience in order to understand. That's probably why we all got a heavy case of the post-show blues after this one, because we were really craving that buzz. 

The show must go on!

Would this really be a Katie's Corner post if I didn't have some sort of disaster or embarrassing story to share? True to form I got myself into a couple of pickles during show week but one particular nightmare took place during the Saturday matinee performance, I was coming offstage during a blackout (and when I say blackout I mean blackout, you literally couldn't see a thing), went flying over a stool that had been left in the wings after a previous scene and landed on my right hip. Turns out that concrete and bone is not a good combination. As soon as I was backstage, the team were putting cooling gel, and a bag of frozen peas on my injury and dosing me up on painkillers. I then had to alternate between a stick-on cooling patch and the bag of peas depending on whether I was on or off stage. I was also left with a lovely souvenir of the show: the most ugly bruise I've ever seen. But hey, it could have been a lot worse - I mean, it didn't stop me going for it at the after party!

Why there's no business like show business.

A friend of mine, a certain Miss Ellie Grieve once posted a photo on Instagram with the caption: "Musical theatre is so much more than singing, acting and dancing. It's the months of rehearsals, the hours spent learning combinations of dance moves or memorising lines, the chance to (for a number of hours) completely detach from the person you are and pretend to live a life where your problems (big or small) melt away, And that is a wonderful gift I am lucky enough to have experienced." I took a screenshot of this and saved it when I read it for the first time because I felt it summed up my experience beautifully and simply. I believe that there are certain emotions and experiences that cannot be expressed through words alone, I believe that when music comes in to play, you can express far higher and deeper levels of human emotion and experience. Musicals do just this and to be a part of it - whether that is by observing it or by performing it - is so powerful.

Finally I just want to say thank you to everyone who was involved in The Hired Man. From the cast and crew to everyone who came and watch. I had so much fun and wish I could do the whole thing again. And thank you for reading this post, it is very much appreciated as always.

Love,

Katie xxx

On Target?

In September last year I wrote a post outlining my 'Gap Year Bucket List'. I thought that as it's the start of a new year and everyone's thinking about resolutions, I would have a look back over my list to see how much I've achieved so far and what is still left to do.

You can find the original post here.

I shall be referring to each plan by number.

1. Apply to drama school: I have done this! I did not chicken out, yay me! As you will know from previous posts, this whole process has been quite the emotional journey! I have learnt so much and have grown as both a person and a performer. I have two more auditions coming up in 2017 so will continue to document this process.
2. Become more courageous: I have definitely done this too! The combination of losing the safety net of school and doing LP (The Lightning Process - a treatment similar to CBT which has had a massive impact on my physical health problems but particularly on my anxiety) has allowed me to overcome my fears and accomplish things I never thought I could do. As I talked about in the original post, travel anxiety has been a massive issue for me for several years now. However, since the start of my gap year I have travelled to both Sheffield and Bath by train on my own, I have driven on long journeys by myself, I have travelled on the London underground (one of my biggest fears) three times with no issues, and I am making plans for more travelling in 2017. Last night my Dad and I headed to London to watch a play called BU21 at the Trafalgar Studios. This involved using the tube, walking a fair distance through Central London, eating in restaurant I hadn't been to before, sitting in a very small and hot space in the theatre, and travelling at night. All these things would have caused me major stress a couple of months ago. In the car on the way home I turned to Dad and said "Can we just take a sec to appreciate what I've just done?" We both then got quite emotional talking about how far I've come and how it's like I've got my life back. Dad said "You're now able to be a normal 18 year old". I think that basically sums it up... all the things I've listed probably don't sound anything special to you, but when you've been too ill to walk very far and to cope with any of those situations, it feels incredible to do those things without even thinking about it. 
3. Sing, sing, sing: I do feel sorry for those that have to live in the same house as me because I literally don't shut up. I sing ALL THE DANG TIME. However, only a couple of my singing plans have come to fruition so far. I have successfully joined MYCO, have performed in 5 concerts with them so far, and am now working towards our production of The Hired Man which will be performed in April this year. I have also uploaded more songs to my YouTube channel which is something else I said I wanted to do. On the other hand, I am yet to sing at weddings (although I do have one I've been asked to sing at coming up in 2017), write any more songs, or try out busking. These are all still things I want to do so will try and make it happen this year! I have also hit a bit of a dead end regarding the Extras company I was applying to but I am working on it! I am so, so grateful for the new friends I have made during my gap year - particularly at MYCO - because I feel like I've found my people (other theatre nerds basically) who will obsess over musicals with me!
4. Get a job: Done! I have a job a Brown Bear (a mother and baby boutique) which is one day a week. I have also grown my babysitting/childminding work and that is now my main source of income. I absolutely love it! It's flexible and I very much enjoy being my own boss. I also love the actual work which obviously helps haha! In fact, I love it so much that I almost don't mind being permanently covered in baby vomit, dribble and/or snot (yum).
5. Learn to play the piano or guitar:  Nope, not achieved at all! But definitely something I still want to do, so maybe 2017 will be the year!
6. Write a blog: Obviously I have done this, but not only have I started one, I've actually kept it up! Writing this blog is genuinely one of my absolute favourite things to do and I just want to say thank you to you for reading it! The fact that people actually read my posts and comment on what I write just makes me so happy. I fully intend to keep writing what I love writing and what I hope you will continue to enjoy reading :)
7. Gain more experience of working with children: As I mentioned above, childminding is currently my main job so I definitely am gaining more experience of working with children. I am also volunteering at a baby and toddler group twice I week which I'm really enjoying. You will have seen on the original list that I want to gain some experience of working with children with additional needs. I had an interview back in September at a school for children with special needs. They said they would love for me to volunteer there but I'm still waiting for the DBS process to be sorted out! I have another meeting with them this week so hopefully I will be able to start soon! I've also applied for my fourth year working on the Pebbles team at New Wine (looking after the three/four year olds at a summer festival/camp)
8. Bake and cook lots: I haven't baked and cooked as much as I would have liked to so far in my gap year but, having said that, I have still whipped up many a good cake. I plan to do more over the coming months!
9. Learn sign language: This is something I haven't got round to starting yet but I have ordered a British Sign Language book which comes with a DVD as well so I can get learning and practising! I'm really excited to start.
10. Get well: HALLELUJAH AND PRAISE THE LORD THIS HAS BEEN ACHIEVED! Thanks to The Lightning Process, God's grace, and my own hard work, I am well on the way to being a healthy and fully functioning human being!

I can't believe I've only had 4 months of my gap year, so much has changed in this short amount of time. I have experienced so much - both good and bad - and achieved more than I thought I would. I have no doubt that 2017 will hold many challenges but I feel in a really good place at the moment and am ready to tackle whatever comes my way. Thank you for coming along on this journey with me, I pray this year is wonderful for you.

Love,

Katie xxx

London looked amazing all lit up last night.

Coming Back From Rejection

If you have been keeping up with my last few blog posts you will know that I have been auditioning for drama school. You may also have seen how, so far, I haven't been very successful. This has been really tough, and yet I've also learnt so much from it. I would be lying if I said it still didn't hurt a bit or that I've got this whole thing sussed out, but I have had a couple of 'light-bulb moments' and feel that I do have something to share in terms of how to pick yourself up after you've been told you're not good enough and come back fighting - self-belief in tact!

To re-cap: In November I had two auditions. The first was for RADA. Despite feeling like my audition went really well and coming out of there on cloud nine, I didn't get a recall. After this, I had a think over what could have been wrong with what I did in the first audition, I also took on new advice and consequently made some changes to the way I performed my Shakespeare piece and learnt an entirely new modern piece. However, the night before my second audition (which was at Guildhall) I had a bit of a meltdown... I got so worked up trying to guess what it is that they would be looking for, what advice to follow, whether to stick to my original plan or my new tactics, worrying that the things I'd changed were actually the things that were good about the RADA audition! Basically I was going round and round in circles, getting more and more upset, and wasting time in a futile attempt to read the minds of the audition panel I hadn't even met yet. After a couple of hours of being in this mess I changed my way of thinking and just said: the only way I guarantee that I won't get a recall tomorrow is if I let nerves get the better of me; I need to pull myself together, stick with the changes I've made, go and enjoy it and try to get as much out of it as possible! Thinking like this calmed me down and allowed me to have a good experience the next day. As you will have read in my last post, the panel gave me some re-direction which was what I had been doing before I changed my pieces, and I didn't get a recall.

This was certainly a lesson in following my instincts as an actor and learning to filter through advice - only taking on what I feel is right for me. I also realised that just because I didn't get a recall from RADA, that doesn't necessarily mean I did anything wrong. After I received my rejection letter, I started thinking that I must have been mistaken in believing that my audition went well. However, I know that drama schools turn people away for so many different reasons, not just for lack of talent. These reasons range from: your age (they may have felt I was too young), the way you look (if they already have five tall, slim brunettes they don't want another one!), to test how much you want it (these schools like people who are desperate and audition year after year) and so on. Just because you don't get the result you desire from a certain situation, that doesn't mean the whole experience was a failure. Reflect, learn, grow.

For a while, however, I felt crap. It was crushing to have worked to hard for something only to be told I wasn't good enough. Despite trying hard not to, I really took it to heart. I started thinking: maybe I'm not cut out for this, maybe I'm not talented enough, and maybe I'm not pretty enough. I started picking apart every part of my performance, looking for faults. I lost a lot of my self-worth and confidence, I felt small and insignificant - just one more foolish girl trying to 'make it'.

But then everything changed.

I was at church and during the worship I felt this overwhelming sense of God's love. Suddenly I felt my confidence return and the words a friend had said to me after I got my rejection letter from RADA came flooding back: "You will never get a letter like that from God."
God will never reject me, no matter how much I mess up or how flawed I am. He loves me and he made me to be just the way I am. My worth is not defined by the opinions of three judges who spent just 20 minutes with me. They are professionals and their opinions of course hold value in terms of whether they think I'm ready for drama school or not because that's their job! But they don't get to determine how I feel about myself. My worth is instead defined by how God sees me:

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10

Even if you don't believe in God or hold the same faith as me, this still applies to you. Don't ever let someone make you doubt your worth - whether it's because of not getting through an audition like me, whether it's because you didn't get a job you applied for, whether it's because you've told someone you love them and they don't reciprocate the feelings... Whatever it may be, that is just one small part of you, one small event in your existence. You are a being made up of many talents and innumerable qualities. Do not allow that one event to cause you to start thinking 'I'm not good enough'.

I now feel I have my 'mojo' back haha! I'm ready to go and kick some butt in my next audition, which was meant to be this coming Monday but I've had to postpone it until the end of January as I'm ill and can barely talk! *sad face*
However, in preparation for this I have written some self-affirmations on my mirror which I am reciting everyday. It feels a bit ridiculous but it really works. As you declare these statements about yourself you start to believe them and so embody them. I've written: I am confident, I am self-assured, I am strong, I am happy, I am friendly, I am capable, I am mature, I am cooperative, I am grounded, I am smart, I am passionate, I am hard working.


I hope this post has been helpful in some way and that you have been reminded of how truly amazing and worthy you are. Let's go out there and smash life together!

Love,
Katie xxx

Gap Year Bucket List!

10 things I want to do before September 2017...

1. Apply to drama schools e.g LAMDA and Guildhall. I am fully aware of how near-impossible it is to get a spot at one of these prestigious, elite, and highly selective institutes. However, I know that I will hugely regret it if I never try. Therefore, I've made the decision to go for it... but have also secured a place at the University of Brighton to study Primary English Education with QTS  in 2017. I shall be documenting my application and audition journey!
2. Become more courageous! I struggle with really bad travel anxiety which holds me back a fair bit. For example, this summer my parents and brother travelled to Barcelona for a week, yet I had to stay at home as the whole idea was just too terrifying for me. (It's a very hard thing to explain and talk about but I will definitely be discussing it in more depth on here at some point.) I want to increase my ability to cope with travelling by exposing myself to what scares me in the hope that I will build up some level of tolerance. Therefore, I have invested in a railcard and plan to visit lots of my friends who have now gone off to University in various cities across the country. Again, I shall be documenting these little adventures on here! 
3. Sing, sing, sing! As mentioned in my introductory post, my main passions in life are singing and acting. Consequently, several of the things on my gap year bucket list relate to these two interests. These things include: singing at weddings, busking, registering with Uni-versal Extras Ltd. (a company which casts extras for major films and TV programmes), regularly uploading covers to my YouTube channel, writing songs, and applying for a place in the Musical Youth Company of Oxford (MYCO).
4. Get a job. Ideally at Whittards (who sell the most incredible mugs, tea, and hot chocolate!) or Brown Bear (an independent baby and children's boutique), or some form of work with children.
5. Learn to play the piano or guitar. This is one I'm not massively optimistic about as I struggle to be disciplined about practising them! But I hope that, without the excuse of having school work to do, I can be strict with myself!
6. Write a blog. (!)
7. Gain more experience of working with children. As you will have seen from the first item on my list, if I don't get into drama school I will be heading off to University to train as a primary school teacher. I therefore want to gain as much extra experience of working with children as possible over the coming months. Things such as babysitting, volunteering at a toddler group, volunteering at a local primary school - and at a local school for children with special needs - are all on my list. 
8. Bake and cook lots and lots! As I also mentioned in my introductory post, I love to bake! My Grandpa bought me a beautiful KitchenAid mixer for my 18th birthday, which has to be one (if not the) best gift I've ever received. (Yes, I am that sad gal who, when told she can have a big birthday present of her choice, goes for baking equipment over a laptop or any other similarly normal teenage want... Aha!)
9. Learn sign language. Just one of those cool things that I've always wanted to do. I shall be hitting the library for some 'teach yourself' books and of course shall be scanning the internet for tutorials and online lessons.
10. GET WELL! School has most definitely not given me the space or flexibility to attempt to combat my health conditions: ME/CFS, neuropathic/chronic pain, IBS, anxiety, and depression. For this reason, my health has deteriorated over the past couple of years and so I intend to use the coming year to try out different treatments, gradually build up my strength using physiotherapy and swimming, and generally look after myself more.

Phew. So there it is. It will be interesting to look back on this post in a years time to see how much of this list I managed to achieve! Speaking of which... I have already achieved some of it in the first few weeks of my gap year! I have been given a job at Brown Bear, have started volunteering at a toddler group twice a week, have got a job working as 'mothers help' for a woman who has her hands full with 9 month old twins, I (rather miraculously after I thought I'd messed up my audition) got into MYCO, and I have - of course - started a blog. I'd say that's a pretty good start!

Thanks so much for reading, look out for updates on how I'm getting on with my list.

Love,

Katie xxx