Heartbreak
I'm afraid to say that November ended in a rather horrible way for me this year. All I want to do is to blog about it and get all my feelings, thoughts and emotions out but, of course, break ups involve two people and so I feel it would be insensitive to write about it on here. As much as I'd quite like to be selfish, I know it's not the best thing to do. My blog has been the place where I've gone to help me deal with everything I've been through over the past year or so - both good and bad - so it would feel wrong for me not to address this at all but I just won't go into any detail. Maybe I'll have to 'do a Taylor Swift' and write a song about it lol.All I will say is that I spent the first week of December feeling pretty crushed. It's hard to feel motivated to do work or get into the festive mood when your confidence has been knocked and you're feeling low and sad. I have been fortunate however that several things have come together which have really helped me. The first of these was that my flatmates and I had already got tickets to an 80s inspired Christmas party which was to take place the day after my break up. I personally can't think of anything better to lift a gal's mood than to get dressed up and dance around to 80s tunes and eat a Christmas dinner, surrounded by wonderful pals. (Thank you to St Peter's Church Students Team for this!)
The next of the happy things to come along is that I had already organised for my wonderful mate Raymond to come and stay this weekend. He is currently on a blow up bed next to me snoring away, bless him lol. We had a fab day together yesterday. I loved having an excuse to be a tourist in my own city and to spend some time enjoying the wonders of Brighton without being in the rush of my everyday life. We enjoyed going around the Laines and looking in all the quirky vintage shops. We got some of our Christmas shopping done which was handy! I also took him round the Pavillion gardens (it is so gorgeous when it's lit up at night) and down to the sea front. I think we nearly got blown off the pier! A highlight of the evening was 'You Raise Me Up' playing at full blast out of the pier's speakers. Ray and I thoroughly enjoyed belting out 'you raise me up to walk on stormy seas' at each other as we, quite literally, walked above stormy seas. We then came back to mine for dinner and I'm a Celeb. I can't tell you how lovely it is to spend time with someone who knows me so, so well. Someone I can be completely open and vulnerable with but also someone who you can have the craic with and be ridiculous and laugh until you cry. Ray and I have been through a hell of a lot together over our 7 years of friendship. All that has made our relationship so strong and I feel very lucky to have him. Friendships like this don't come around all that often.
I think all we plan to do today is spend as much time in bed as possible, enjoying each others company and avoid going out into this rain storm which seems to have hit Brighton!
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| bffs |
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| "YOU RAISE ME UUUUUP SO I CAN STAND ON MOUNTAAAINS YOU RAISE ME UUUUUP TO WALK ON STORMY SEEEEEAS" |
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| Brighton getting festive! |
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| Couldn't help photobombing Ray's pic of the Pavillion looool (p.s I'm wearing his glove hence why my hand looks MASSIVE) |
*update* We did indeed spend ages in bed and then I took him back to the train station and felt v sad to say goodbye. Boy do I love that nutter.
Jingle Bells
The last (and biggest) thing to come along with perfect timing is Christmas!! As you will have gathered from my past couple of posts, I am one of the biggest Christmas fans going. I had the Christmas tunes going on 1st November. It has been so nice to just throw myself into all things festive and magical and joyful. My flatmates and I decorated our flat on December 1st, I sung in a carol concert, I have been wearing my Christmas jumper with pride, and have already wrapped and bought several presents (and no Mella, I am still not going to tell you whether I've got you for our flat Secret Santa).
This time next week I will be at home, surrounded by my family and friends and I could not be any more excited about it!!! I cannot wait to be snuggled up on the sofa with my family, watching Christmas TV and stuffing our faces with festive food. I can't wait to be reunited with friends who I haven't seen in months - especially Darcy. During our gap year we would ring each other if we hadn't seen each other in a few days saying that we missed each other, so being apart for months has been so hard! All I have wanted for the past couple of weeks is a Darcy cuddle. I also can't wait to be reunited with my boys (Fin and Osc). I honestly don't know how I've coped without them. I can't wait to see my babies too!!! The three little ones that I looked after the most during my gap year all turned 2 last week! I am so excited to get back to work and to give them a huge cuddle! I can't wait to get back to Brown Bear and to be reunited with Becca and Lizzy - in fact I'm literally going back to work the day after I get home! And I can't wait to fly out to Dublin for my Uncle's wedding! Basically... I can't bloomin' wait to be back (if I hadn't already made that clear).
I've just got home from a carols concert/service at St Peter's and it honestly BLEW. MY. MIND. The talent of the people in the band at that church is next level. I can honestly say I am overflowing with festive cheer (and mulled wine and mice pies, oops!)
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| Steph living it up in our freshly decorated flat. |
Heartbreak and Jingle Bells
At this time of year there is so much pressure to be happy. There is so much pressure to have the 'perfect Christmas' and to have everything together. In reality, I think a lot of us really don't feel like this and that can really suck. If you're going through something horrible around Christmas it can feel like you're failing and somehow letting yourself or others down.
Last week at the carols service I was singing at, the woman giving the talk addressed this and what she said really struck a cord with me. She reminded me that Jesus came into a broken world on the day he was born. He was born in an occupied territory, in an outbuilding, surrounded by animals and excrement for crying out loud! Because he was born, King Herod ordered that all Jewish baby boys be killed so as to guarantee that the son of God (and therefore a threat to his throne) would be destroyed. So whilst Jesus brought light into the world, there was this terrible massacre going on around him. But the point of the Christmas story is that Jesus brings hope into our darkness and our brokenness and our heartache. The light that he brings to the world and the love he has to give is like no other.
What I'm trying to say is that I think we should try not to 'over-glamourise' Christmas. It's okay to enjoy all the fun extras (I certainly will be!). But it's also okay not to be feeling this overwhelming joy that everyone talks about at this time of year. It's okay to be struggling. For me, I'll be navigating my way through the aftermath of a break-up, worrying about my lovely H'Auntie (mention in my last post) who is still very ill and is now in hospital, and trying to get all my assignments done before the deadlines in January! Whatever you might be struggling with - from addiction, to bereavement, to stress...anything! Just know that the message of Christmas is still for you. As Archie Coates says, Jesus' birth is the most "radically inclusive" event in history. He is for everyone. He came into a broken world, and he comes into our broken lives. He is not just for 'shiny Christians' who seem to have it all together. He comes into the midst of our pain and our guilt and our suffering and brings us hope, peace, and comfort.
"The Lord is close to the broken-hearted, and he saves those whose spirits have been crushed." - Psalm 34 (aka the verse that really helped me out last week).
Anyway, on a slightly different note, I'm off to watch the final of I'm a Celeb with my flatmates!
I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas. Eat, drink, and be merry (but don't worry if you don't feel too merry - you'll get there!)
Thank you so much for reading.
Love,
Katie xxx
