It's a new life for me...

...and I'm feeling gooooood!

What a tune! Absolutely timeless and seems to sum up this current chapter in my life. Why not pop it on in the background whilst you read this post: Nina Simone - Feeling Good


Those of you who have been reading my blog for a while now may remember that nine months ago I wrote a blog post called 'M.E and Me' which was all about my 6 year struggle with the neurological condition Myalgic Encephalomyelitis. It is my most read post which is amazing as the reason for writing it was to try and raise awareness of this horrible illness. If you haven't read it yet, want a refresher, or just to help this post make more sense, please go have a look here it really does make a difference! Aside from being able to raise awareness, I am so glad that I wrote it for the reason that now I can see so clearly how much my life has changed over the past nine months.
I think it is important to take a moment to pause and reflect and be thankful for how far I've come. I've put off writing this post because my instinct is to push forward and not dwell on the past and just try to forget about that horrible time in my life. Indeed, when I read through that post before sitting down to write this one, I started crying when I got to the 4th paragraph! I didn't want to look back because it upsets me so much; but if I don't reflect on the bad times how can I appreciate the good times? And I never want to take where I am now for granted.

I spoke a bit in the first post about how I had had a treatment called LP which had worked for about a year before my health spiraled out of control for a second time. I also mentioned that I was considering giving it another go. In October 2016 that's exactly what I did. It is this treatment that I really have to thank for the great place I am in at the moment. I was reluctant to do LP again because I felt 'what's the point in going through it again if the symptoms just come back anyway' but it was explained to me that you need to keep up the exercises even once you feel better. This is what I'm doing! Although it's annoying to have to keep up the treatment when I just want to crack on and enjoy my new life, it really is a small price to pay for a sustainable future of good health. It is so reassuring to have the tools to combat any symptoms that creep back in - rather than being gripped by the fear that M.E/C.F.S is about to take over my life again.

Achievements:

• It takes a lot for me to be to be in a similar amount of pain to that which I used to be in all the time. For example, my back and legs were killing me a couple of weeks ago but this was after driving to Bath, being on my feet for about 9 hours, and dancing away at gig. I was scared that my body felt so bad again but after a good nights sleep I was fine. This time last year there is NO WAY my body would have been able to cope with a day like that and it would have taken several days to recover from it.
• I have trips to the south of France and Dublin planned for this year - both of which involve flights. This is such a big deal for me as I used to suffer really severely from anxiety; particularly travel anxiety. So much so, that I didn't go on my family holiday to Barcelona last year as I couldn't cope with flying. LP, CBT, counselling, medication, and other support I have had over the past few years has meant I'm in a place now where I can cope with this. 
• Driving is something that used to cause me quite a lot of anxiety, would exhaust me and also put me in a lot of pain. Over the past few months however, I have done lots and lots of driving! Including a trip to Chorleywood after a day at work which involved driving on the M25 eeeek! It's just mad knowing that I would not have been able to do something like that last year and yet here I am now doing it without really thinking - like any normal person would whaaat!
• The Hired Man: a week of intense rehearsals and 6 shows a year ago would have been enough to bring me close to deaths door (or at least feeling like it!) but I did it with no problems! Of course, I was run-down and exhausted afterwards but we all were! And I bounced back at the same rate as the others. 
• I have been having meetings with the doctors for a few months now about coming off Sertraline (the anti-depressants that I've been on for a couple of years). This drug is designed to treat combined anxiety and depression and as I now feel I am able to manage both these things using LP and other techniques, I have no further need for the meds. I am now on a really low dose and should be off it completely within a couple of months!

Something that really made me see what a good place I'm in at the moment was the MYCO awards ceremony a couple of weeks back. I had been on my feet at work all day but had no problem spending the night in heels and dancing away after the awards were over. I wasn't anxious but was instead fully present in the moment and simply loving life. I won a couple of awards which was amazing! Thing is, I'm not sure if I would have won these if I was still ill. It might sound weird to say that but I think it's just because I feel I am able to be the best version of myself at the moment.

half winking but oh so happy at the MYCOs

It is so amazing to be able to experience things without being distracted by how ill I feel, or by the fear of my body letting me down, or the fear of what state I will be left in tomorrow by doing what I want today. Because I'm always so busy it is so easy for me to forget how amazing it is that I am able to live my day-to-day life in the way I want to - not just the bigger events or most obvious achievements. For me, every day is a miracle and everyday is a blessing and I don't want to forget that.

Overwhelmed

I do, however, need to be careful. This past week I've been feeling really overwhelmed and I think it's because I've been saying 'yes' to too much! Because I'm now healthy, I don't really have to think 'can I manage this' when I agree to do things. I suddenly realised that I'm now working at least 6 days a week at the moment... not really a healthy balance! I'm manically trying to fit in practicing for the MYCO concert that I have coming up next week and all the other things I want to do (such as blogging, which I have been desperately missing!). I may be well but I'm not superhuman and so I need to learn to slow down a little. I cancelled the volunteering that I usually do on a Thursday so that I could write this post. I hate feeling like I'm letting people down but I also know that it's important to take care of myself. 

Thankful

I am so thankful. Firstly, to God for being faithful through my health journey and having it all work out in his perfect timing. Also, to Donna Paris who was my LP practitioner this second time around (absolute babe). If you're interested in doing LP yourself this is the link to Donna's website. You can also find out more about LP in general by clicking this link. 

It feels great to be able to move on to University, the next chapter in my life, on such good footing. This is exactly what I was hoping to be the outcome of my gap year. This year has given me the opportunity to make my health and getting better a real priority.

Thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to read this post. Please, if you have any questions about M.E/C.F.S, LP, or anything else I've talked about then don't hesitate to contact me!

Love,

Katie xxx

Life Offline

As you know, I decided to spend the month of May away from social media. I am now back and want to share what the experience was like!

The hard bits

At first it was really hard, just because it had become an automatic response to check my phone all the time. I would go to send someone a Snapchat or something and would then find the app wasn't there anymore... "oh yeah, I deleted it"! I found it hardest when I was bored as usually I can pass the time away just scrolling through Instagram for a while. 

It also felt weird being 'out of the loop' but my friends were great at keeping me updated with the important stuff. I think I realised that I had got into the mindset that a moment/event isn't really important unless it's shared - it took me a while to get it into my head that not telling other people about something doesn't mean it didn't happen! I feel I am once again able to just enjoy things for myself; in the end it's the memories and not the Instagram posts that count!

The good bits!

Quitting social media definitely had a positive effect on my productivity! I read my book more, and I was able to get more stuff done in shorter amounts of time because I didn't keep getting distracted by notifications. I'd say it was certainly a very freeing experience. 

As I had predicted, it meant I had to make more of a conscious effort to check in and stay in touch with friends. Usually because I see a friend posting on social media, I feel like I'm up to speed with what's going on with them - even if we haven't had a proper conversation in a while. My removing the social media element, I really noticed if I hadn't spoken to a certain friend in a few days and so would text them to check in and ask if we could catch up properly. I'd say this was 100% better!

In my previous post about quitting social media, I mentioned that I wanted to be more present in every moment, rather than with my mind online as it were! As Jim Elliot once said: "Wherever you are, be all there." I really think that ditching social media helped me to do this. Like I said, it took a while as it had become habit, but I absolutely became more present in my day-to-day situations. 

I may have failed a little bit...

Right. Confession time! I did really well overall, but a couple of weeks in to my challenge, I needed to get some photos from Facebook for my blog (go check out that post if you haven't already please and thank you). It would have been fine but Facebook had made a cute little video about me and my friend Laura and I couldn't not watch it! From there it was a downwards spiral... I found myself scrolling for about 20 minutes - oops! I know that no one else really cares about this slip up, it's not like I'm being sponsored or anything, I literally did it for myself but I got that feeling like after you've eaten too much chocolate. You know the one; you feel guilty and slightly nauseous? No, just me? Well, it was like that. Never mind lol.

Guess who's back, back again...

 *name that tune*

Now that I'm back on social media it feels great to once again be in the loop. I feel now that I can enjoy social media but don't find myself relying on it anymore. Some people have asked me if my month off made me want to give it up entirely. The answer to that is no! I really enjoy social media but I think it's all about finding the healthy balance - this month off has helped me find that.
I would say that I would #recommendtoafriend taking some time offline but you don't necessarily need to do it to the extreme that I did. It's just that I'm an 'all or nothing' kinda gal and I knew I'd find it harder just to 'cut down' than entirely 'cut out' if you catch my drift.

In summary, I'm glad I did this, it has got my perspective back on track. But I'm now happy to be back!

Thanks so much for reading and do let me know what you think about societies relationship with social media, or it's place in your life.

Love
Katie xxx