I'm a feminist, but...

Last summer I discovered the wonderful world of podcasts. Right from when I started exploring the variety of podcasts on offer, 'The Guilty Feminist' has been by far my favourite. As said at the start of each episode it is: "the podcast in which we explore our noble goals as 21st century feminists and the hypocrisies and insecurities which undermine them". It is very much a comedic show yet each episode tackles an important topic and it can often be quite emotional or challenging. Each episode starts with a segment called 'I'm a feminist but' before moving on to the main discussion. This entails each person on the panel admitting something that they do/think that undermines their feminist values.

These are some examples from the show:

• "I'm a feminist but some days my life wouldn't pass the Bechtel test..."
• "I'm a feminist but when I want something from my husband I ask for it in a little baby voice..."
• "I'm a feminist but although I think cat-calling is disgusting and wrong, if someone shouts 'hey sexy!' I think both: 'that's awful!' and 'still got it!'"
• "I'm a feminist but my favourite apple is the Pink Lady..."
• "I'm a feminist but I think I would feel safer in the hands of a male police officer or fireman than a female one..."

As you can see, these are often very trivial and silly but sometimes they can really highlight some prejudices that a lot of us have (for example, the one about the emergency services).

Listening to this podcast has opened my eyes to a lot of issues facing women in this day and age and what I can do to help promote equality. It also helps me to keep myself 'in check' as I definitely get it wrong a lot of the time!

Here are some of my "I'm a feminist but"s...

• I often think that it should be the man to ask a woman out as that is simply the way things should be (in reality, I don't believe this, it's just that I don't have the confidence to do it myself!).
• If I haven't shaved my legs in a while I think 'look what a great feminist I am! I don't shave for nobody!" when in fact it is killing me that they aren't smooth but I'm just too lazy to do it.
• If I am incapable of opening something (i.e. a jam jar) I will automatically try to find the nearest male to help me - rather than a woman.
• I get REALLY annoyed when I hear a man make a comment which objectifies a woman or refers only to her looks  (e.g. 'she's fit!') but I do exactly the same when talking to my friends about men...

Quite clearly, I am not writing this post to 'preach' to anyone or to try and look like I always get it right because I definitely don't! I really believe that feminism is a journey that both men and women are on. We all have more to do.

Can feminism benefit men too?

A very common misconception of feminism is that it is the belief that women are superior to men. In fact, feminism is simply the belief than men and women are equal. For this reason, we as women need to accept the less attractive outcomes of this as well as the positive ones. For example, I need to be brave and ask someone out if I want to instead of waiting for them to do it, and speaking of dates, 'rules' such as men always paying the bill are just out-of-date now that women have paid work too (although this would be easier if there WASN'T THE GENDER PAY GAP FFS!). Whilst we're on the topic of the gender pay gap, it came out this week that Claire Foy was paid less for her role in The Crown than her male counterpart Matt Smith. I'll just let that sink in... he had a smaller role... she was paid LESS for doing MORE. Aside from this, she was literally breast feeding a newborn in between takes aka. she did two jobs at once because she is a BOSS. SHE WAS THE CROWN. Soz, rant over lol.

Feminism benefits men in other ways too. It works to break down the stereotypes that affect both men and women. For example, it works to lessen the idea that women are always the damsel in distress who needs to be saved by a prince or superhero, but also works the other way. Men shouldn't always be told they have to be the hero. Boys grow up being told that to cry is a sign of weakness, that they have to be tough all the time. This is in fact incredibly damaging. Indeed, according to the Samaritans' suicide statistics report from 2017, male rates are consistently higher than female suicide rates across the UK and Republic of Ireland – most notably 5 times higher in Republic of Ireland and around 3 times in the UK. Arguably, this is because men do not feel they can be open about how they are feeling and feel that to show they are struggling is to show weakness. By putting men and women on a level playing field, feminism aims to help men feel safe in opening up and gives permission for them to not always be 'the tough guy'.

Is sexism even still a thing?

I have heard many people argue that we don't really need feminism anymore, or that men and women are equal now so what's the point? I would definitely argue against this! Firstly, the gender pay gap I mentioned earlier is no myth. In fact, there is a database on the Government website in which you can search for any business to find out what the pay gap is. This is the link so you can go and have a look; it's very interesting! Out of interest, I looked up the company that my Dad works for. He works for O2 which is now owned by Telefonica. The results that came back for Telefonica UK showed that women working there earn an average of 18.6% lower than men! This is a really significant amount and is a lot more than I thought it would be! And at Brighton University where I study, it is just over 14%. 

Along with this big scale sexism, we still have a big problem of more subtle - but perhaps equally damaging - 'everyday sexism'. This manifests itself in things such as catcalling. I had an experience of this last year which really made me think. I was walking to work (which was childminding a 2 year old girl) and happened to walk past a pub. There was a group of middle aged men sat by the window who began to knock on the glass, shout at me, and make obscene gestures. I'm pretty sure one of them pulled his trousers down but I didn't stick around to find out. As I walked away, I at first thought the usual things I think when stuff like that happens such as: 'well that was uncomfortable', 'they are just losers to be at a pub, drinking in the middle of the day and shouting at young women', 'just ignore them, it's not worth it.' But then I thought 'HANG ON A SEC. I am on my way to look after a little girl. An amazing little girl who should not have to grow up in a world where she is subjected to such objectification and has derogatory slurs shouted at her as she goes about her business. It is worth it. It is worth speaking up and speaking out.' 

A friend of mine recently experienced some everyday sexism when she tried to apply for a job. She has given me permission to share this story but I won't give any details away. Basically, she wanted to apply for a job as a kitchen assistant in one of our favourite coffee shops in Brighton. However, when she went in to hand in her CV and an application, the man at the counter laughed and said "A pretty thing like you shouldn't be in the kitchen!" He then called in to the chef who was in the kitchen, saying "This pretty thing wants to work in the kitchen!" The chef then laughed right at her too. Now, bear in mind, that the friend I am referring to was overqualified for the job as she has been a chef in the past but wanted a kitchen assistant job whilst at Uni just to earn some money. I was outraged when she told me this later that day. It had left her feeling shocked and embarrassed and completely indignant! There is no doubt that - had she been male - her looks would not have had any effect over her chances of getting the job and such a disrespectful comment would not have been made. This is the sort of sexism that happens to women all the time and is often overlooked by men or seen as 'playful banter' or 'not too bad'. But it hurts and it wears you down.

Watch your language!

Something which I think has a huge impact on both institutional sexism and the subtleties of everyday sexism is our language. For example, two phrases which I hear around me all the time are 'man up!' and 'grow a pair!' Both men and women alike use these phrases and the majority of the time there is no sexist intention behind it at all! However, I believe it is language like this which shapes our view of men and women: their value and their position. We grow up surrounded by these phrases and have them contrasted with phrases such as 'run like a girl' or 'cry like a girl' which are used as insults. Our language totally paints the picture that men are strong and women are weak. 

Recently, I set myself the challenge to really watch my language in this sense. If you have been reading this blog for a while you may have noticed that I've said things like "so I just womaned up and did it". This helps me to get my perspective straight: I don't need to become more 'man-like' in order to achieve the things I want to in life. I just need to be the best version of ME. Perhaps the most feminist way of using language would be to leave gender out of it and to say things like 'toughen up', but until men and women are seen more equally I think I'm going to keep purposely saying 'woman' in this context to show my belief in the strength of women. 

Work in progress

I know I don't get it right all the time when it comes to feminism. I often make assumptions or generalisations based on gender but I'm trying! And I will keep trying! I find it a bit ironic that I am training to be a primary school teacher and sing on the side whilst my brother is going to be studying computer science and plays squash on the side. We def fulfill some stereotypes lol. But not all of them!

I would encourage you - be you a man or a woman - to join me in my 'trying'. Let's all try to treat each other fairly, to not write anyone off based on their gender, and to always #fightthepatriarchy.

I will leave you with this because it's freakin' hilarious... On International Women's Day this year, thousands of people took to twitter to indignantly ask the question: "but when is International Men's Day?!" In response to this, Richard Herring sent many a tweet informing these people of the date of the official International Men's Day. I think you'll agree that it is absolute gold. Even better than this, he used the attention he was getting to highlight the JustGiving page of a refuge charity for women and children escaping abuse. Legend.

Thank you so much for reading! Please do comment/get in touch if you have any thoughts on this topic. I am always open to discussion!

Love,

Katie xxx

I don't know what to call this...

Hello March!

Well, it has certainly been a while since I sat down to write a blog post. I really miss it when I haven't written one for a few weeks and got so excited when I realised I might have time to this weekend haha! February was a bit of a crazy month: a lot went down. I have a feeling I'm going to cover a lot of ground in this post as a lot has been going on and I have several things on my mind which I want to chat about.

Girl, where have you beeeeeen?

The past month has been pretty full on when it comes to Uni. I have started placement and have had lots of assignment deadlines sneaking up on me alongside that. 

I absolutely love my course but it has shown me just how hard it is to be a teacher and opened my eyes to things I'd never really thought about; for this reason I was super nervous about starting placement. I honestly just started thinking 'I really don't know if I'm cut out for this?!' So far, however, I am loving it! It feels so good to be back working with children and to start to put the theory that we've been learning into practice. The school I have been placed at is so, so lovely, my class teacher is fab and super supportive, and I have my friend Ruby as my placement partner! So I really have nothing to complain about. Something I have found challenging is hearing about some of the situations the children have come from. Some of the things that are going on in the lives of children in our schools is utterly heartbreaking. I know that this is something I will have to cope with throughout my career and I feel it may be something I am going to struggle with at times. I was thinking about this last week and came to the conclusion that I have to focus on the things that I can control and not get too upset about what I can't control. As a teacher, those children will be in my care for the majority of their hours awake in a day. I will do all I can to look after them, teach them, encourage them, support them, and build them up in that time. Whatever may be going on in the rest of their lives, I can at least make that part of their day safe and happy.

Assignments are the other part of my life at the moment. It's just one after the other at the moment. But the end is in sight! My last assignment for 1st year is due at the end of the month! I cannot wait to be free from the stress of it. So far I've done well in all of the ones I have got back so am praying that continues! This is the main reason why I haven't been able to write any blog posts: no one feels like sitting down to type after a long day of doing just that!

me rn (if u don't think the parent trap is the best film ever then we can't be friends, soz)

Snow!

Before Christmas, snow descended upon much of the nation but did not touch Brighton at all! At the time I was very jealous and wanted to be experiencing the festive magic here too. My prayers seem to have been answered... a couple of months late. Along with the rest of the UK, the snow hit us on Monday this week. Ruby and I had a nightmare getting to placement - only for the school to then shut! It was all quite a fun adventure though, I must say. We walked home through the woods and felt like we were in Narnia; I kept expecting Mr Tumnus to pop out from behind a tree to invite us round for tea.

Last week I took the picture on the left whilst walking home from Uni and I posted something on Instagram about how excited I was that Spring was upon us... sorry guys, it would seem that I jinxed it for us all. My bad. The picture on the right was taken on the walk back from placement on Monday.

Today it seems to be warming up and the snow is melting so perhaps winter is finally on its way out???

ya gal livin' dat eskimo lyfe lol

M.E and Me

Something which I have documented on this blog is my health journey; from my M.E and Me post in which I explained the condition and how it had affected my life over the past 6 years (please do go and read that if you haven't already as it is so important for me to raise awareness of this illness!), to my It's a new life for me... post a year later in which I described my journey to recovery. Since then I have had the occasional symptom crop up but generally have been a healthy bean. However, over the past couple of weeks I have felt these symptoms really creep back in to my life which has consequentially sent me into a state of panic. I honestly cannot put into words just how terrifying this is and how much it plays on my mind once I start worrying about it. I spent the first half of last week just thinking ' I cannot go through this again', 'what if I have to drop out of Uni or can't handle placement', 'I don't think I could cope with being in that much pain' etc. NOT HELPFUL THOUGHTS. The truth is that it's been about 9 years since I was 100% fit and healthy so I don't really remember what it is like to be 'normal'. Even though I'm well, I don't have the same stamina as my peers. Therefore, I can't tell if this is M.E on its way back or if others are feeling like this and it's just because of starting placement and assignment stress that I'm feeling so run down.

The end of this week has been a bit better so I'm staying positive! I know that worrying about it will only make it worse and will quite possibly send me into a pit of despair! So I am choosing to trust God, to look after myself, and to keep up my LP exercises which can really help. Prayer for this would be super appreciated, thanks!

Putting it into perspective

Yesterday I had a D I S A S T E R of a morning. Firstly, I went to submit an assignment and could not find it anywhere!!! It wasn't even on my list of 'recent documents' on Word, despite the fact I had been working on it on Friday evening. I then needed to go to ASDA but missed the bus because it was early! When has a bus ever been early?!?! I literally ran for it but the driver left me there *cries*. I therefore had to wait in the cold for 20 minutes until the next one came. Needless to say, I was pretty mad. I rang my Dad like 'everything is going wrong!'. You will, however, be pleased to hear that I got my shopping and when I got home managed to find my assignment (it was in some really obscure folder... no idea how it got there!).

In the evening, I volunteered for the first time at Safehaven which is a meal and short service at St Peter's Church for members of the street community. Brighton has the highest level of homelessness of anywhere in the UK, outside of London. For this reason, opportunities like this for these people to come into the warm to be fed and to be loved is so vital. I was inspired by the way it was done: we set out tables of about eight and we served the food at the tables like in a restaurant (no queuing up like at a soup kitchen). Every guest was greeted like an old friend and I especially enjoyed washing up with 80s tunes on full blast! I definitely want to help out again and would encourage anyone in Brighton to come along if you fancy it. Building community is so important and there is a heck of a lot you can learn from conversation with people you wouldn't usually talk to.  

Safehaven really put into perspective what had been going on in the rest of my day... who cares that I missed my bus?! I am so blessed to have a roof over my head and to always have plenty to eat. I definitely take this for granted and need to pause every now and then to thank God for his provision!

Other things on my mind...

Honestly, so much has happened since we last spoke! Some highlights include: the student weekend away, securing a house for 2nd (very stressful so am pleased it is sorted!), went to see War Horse at the theatre with my pal Sarah, galentines celebrations with some of my top gals, and a visit from the fam including a trip to a Rend Collective gig. 

Student weekend away, beach trip with Steph, War Horse with Meeten

Aside from my own life, there have been some bigger things on my mind as well. For example, the school shooting in Florida has got me thinking about a lot of things. I feel like it is too big of an issue to address as part of a wider post but I'm thinking about writing specifically about this at some point.
I've also been thinking about the fact that my brother and a lot of my friends are going to heading off to Uni this September. I'm wondering if it might be quite fun to make a video for this blog of 'a week in the life of a University student'... a 'vlog' if you will. Nothing can really prepare you for the transition to Uni life but it could perhaps give some of you who are about to embark on this adventure a bit of an insight into what to expect. Let me know if this is something you would like to see!


Thank you so much for reading and feel free to 'follow' this blog if ya fancy.

Much love,
Katie xxx