A Letter to My Grandad

It's my Grandad's birthday today and so I got to thinking about him and realised there are so many things that I've never told him. It seems ridiculous that we only really reflect on the impact someone has had on our lives in private, without ever actually telling them. So here is a letter to my Grandad that he can read: one in which I reflect on what he has done for me, the things I love about him, and the things I'm looking forward to in the years to come.

Dear Grandad,

Where to start... I suppose I'd better start with what is of course the most important thing you have given me: my love of Ireland! Technically I'm half-Irish but I often feel that the Irish blood in me outweighs that of the English haha! I could eat spuds for every meal, I drink a glass of milk with dinner every night (I'm not sure if this is even an Irish thing but you do it too... maybe we're both just slightly odd?), I get way too emotionally invested in the prospects of the Irish rugby team, I know more of the words to the Irish national anthem than those of the English one, I believe that 'I'll put the kettle on' is the phrase to solve all of life's problems, and I wear this hat you bought me with true pride.

Even you look embarrassed to be seen with me wearing this haha!

I'm definitely a home bird but Ireland is one place I can see myself moving to in the future. I can't wait to get back over to Dublin in December to get together with the whole Ledden clan!

Another thing that you have passed on a love for is Frank Sinatra. Some of my earliest memories of you consist of you singing 'Fly Me To The Moon' in your strong Dublin accent. When I was little I would sing it around the house in that same Dublin accent because that was the only way I had heard it sung! Now I love all his music and have also developed a passion for other music like his - play me some Nat King Cole or Ray Charles any day.

Grandad you have always been my biggest fan and your encouragement means more to me than I could ever say. I'm sure you end almost every phone call and visit by saying "don't forget me when you're a star... throw me a few bob when you're rich and famous" which never fails to crack me up... like I could ever forget you, famous or not! And don't worry I'm writing all my songs down in a book so I can sell it for millions one day like you always say aha!
More importantly however, you always tell me to follow my dreams. It is the best feeling in the world knowing that you will love and support me whatever I do; I know that you just want me to be happy.

Speaking of encouragement, the way you have always told me I'm beautiful and that I must have a whole line of chaps after me is great for a girl's self-confidence! Sorry to disappoint in the male department however (no, for the last time, Raymond is not my boyfriend!). But of course, you know I'm going to marry George Ezra one day so we can all look forward to that.
In all seriousness though, any future romantic partners of mine are definitely going to have to get your approval!

Another thing that I want to thank you for is the inspiration you have been, and continue to be, to me. Amongst many great things, you have faced some terrible trials in your life. From having to leave school and support your family at 14 (when I was 14 the most I had to look after were my two guinea pigs!) to so many serious injuries and illnesses I lose count - yet you have taken it all in your stride. Of course, it was all tough, but I have NEVER heard you complain despite the fact that you live in pain from your various injuries and accidents. During my years of illness, this fighters spirit you show was a huge inspiration to me and I did my best to be as brave as you (I don't think I did a very good job though, I complained a lot!) I know you'll probably hate me for writing about this stuff but I don't think people tell you how amazing you are enough - most other people would have completely lost their marbles had they been through everything you have.

Finally, and on a much lighter note, I want to thank you for all the laughs. We're always up for the craic when we're together and I love joking about with you - although I'm still not sure I've forgiven you for scaring the living daylights out of me when you gave me a fright to try and get rid of my hiccups a few months back (but then, it did work, to be fair).

So, Bernard Patrick Ledden, my wonderful Grandad, here's to many more laughs, sing-a-longs, pints of Guinness, glasses of milk, and Irish rugby victories in the future.

All my love,

Katie




Thank you as always for reading, go and tell someone you love how you feel about them today. GO. NOW.

Love,
Katie xxx

*Follow Katie's Corner by clicking the little blue 'Follow' button on the top left, thanks, love ya*

On Target?

In September last year I wrote a post outlining my 'Gap Year Bucket List'. I thought that as it's the start of a new year and everyone's thinking about resolutions, I would have a look back over my list to see how much I've achieved so far and what is still left to do.

You can find the original post here.

I shall be referring to each plan by number.

1. Apply to drama school: I have done this! I did not chicken out, yay me! As you will know from previous posts, this whole process has been quite the emotional journey! I have learnt so much and have grown as both a person and a performer. I have two more auditions coming up in 2017 so will continue to document this process.
2. Become more courageous: I have definitely done this too! The combination of losing the safety net of school and doing LP (The Lightning Process - a treatment similar to CBT which has had a massive impact on my physical health problems but particularly on my anxiety) has allowed me to overcome my fears and accomplish things I never thought I could do. As I talked about in the original post, travel anxiety has been a massive issue for me for several years now. However, since the start of my gap year I have travelled to both Sheffield and Bath by train on my own, I have driven on long journeys by myself, I have travelled on the London underground (one of my biggest fears) three times with no issues, and I am making plans for more travelling in 2017. Last night my Dad and I headed to London to watch a play called BU21 at the Trafalgar Studios. This involved using the tube, walking a fair distance through Central London, eating in restaurant I hadn't been to before, sitting in a very small and hot space in the theatre, and travelling at night. All these things would have caused me major stress a couple of months ago. In the car on the way home I turned to Dad and said "Can we just take a sec to appreciate what I've just done?" We both then got quite emotional talking about how far I've come and how it's like I've got my life back. Dad said "You're now able to be a normal 18 year old". I think that basically sums it up... all the things I've listed probably don't sound anything special to you, but when you've been too ill to walk very far and to cope with any of those situations, it feels incredible to do those things without even thinking about it. 
3. Sing, sing, sing: I do feel sorry for those that have to live in the same house as me because I literally don't shut up. I sing ALL THE DANG TIME. However, only a couple of my singing plans have come to fruition so far. I have successfully joined MYCO, have performed in 5 concerts with them so far, and am now working towards our production of The Hired Man which will be performed in April this year. I have also uploaded more songs to my YouTube channel which is something else I said I wanted to do. On the other hand, I am yet to sing at weddings (although I do have one I've been asked to sing at coming up in 2017), write any more songs, or try out busking. These are all still things I want to do so will try and make it happen this year! I have also hit a bit of a dead end regarding the Extras company I was applying to but I am working on it! I am so, so grateful for the new friends I have made during my gap year - particularly at MYCO - because I feel like I've found my people (other theatre nerds basically) who will obsess over musicals with me!
4. Get a job: Done! I have a job a Brown Bear (a mother and baby boutique) which is one day a week. I have also grown my babysitting/childminding work and that is now my main source of income. I absolutely love it! It's flexible and I very much enjoy being my own boss. I also love the actual work which obviously helps haha! In fact, I love it so much that I almost don't mind being permanently covered in baby vomit, dribble and/or snot (yum).
5. Learn to play the piano or guitar:  Nope, not achieved at all! But definitely something I still want to do, so maybe 2017 will be the year!
6. Write a blog: Obviously I have done this, but not only have I started one, I've actually kept it up! Writing this blog is genuinely one of my absolute favourite things to do and I just want to say thank you to you for reading it! The fact that people actually read my posts and comment on what I write just makes me so happy. I fully intend to keep writing what I love writing and what I hope you will continue to enjoy reading :)
7. Gain more experience of working with children: As I mentioned above, childminding is currently my main job so I definitely am gaining more experience of working with children. I am also volunteering at a baby and toddler group twice I week which I'm really enjoying. You will have seen on the original list that I want to gain some experience of working with children with additional needs. I had an interview back in September at a school for children with special needs. They said they would love for me to volunteer there but I'm still waiting for the DBS process to be sorted out! I have another meeting with them this week so hopefully I will be able to start soon! I've also applied for my fourth year working on the Pebbles team at New Wine (looking after the three/four year olds at a summer festival/camp)
8. Bake and cook lots: I haven't baked and cooked as much as I would have liked to so far in my gap year but, having said that, I have still whipped up many a good cake. I plan to do more over the coming months!
9. Learn sign language: This is something I haven't got round to starting yet but I have ordered a British Sign Language book which comes with a DVD as well so I can get learning and practising! I'm really excited to start.
10. Get well: HALLELUJAH AND PRAISE THE LORD THIS HAS BEEN ACHIEVED! Thanks to The Lightning Process, God's grace, and my own hard work, I am well on the way to being a healthy and fully functioning human being!

I can't believe I've only had 4 months of my gap year, so much has changed in this short amount of time. I have experienced so much - both good and bad - and achieved more than I thought I would. I have no doubt that 2017 will hold many challenges but I feel in a really good place at the moment and am ready to tackle whatever comes my way. Thank you for coming along on this journey with me, I pray this year is wonderful for you.

Love,

Katie xxx

London looked amazing all lit up last night.

Sheffield | London | Bath

This past week has been CRAAAAZY! I feel like I've been all over the place!

Sheffield

My week started with a trip up North to visit my friend Niamh who is currently studying History at the University of Sheffield. This was a journey which involved a lot of 'firsts' for me; it was the first time I'd travelled that far on my own, the first time I'd ever been to Sheffield, and my first experience of Uni life! All three of these things were great!

I think I mentioned in a previous post that I've struggled with bad travel anxiety for several years now. Travelling on trains has been one of my worst fears. If at any post over the past six years or so, I knew I was going to have to use a train or the tube I would dread it for weeks and would often have panic attacks when in train stations or when on a train. However, it's something I've been working on and - mainly thanks to LP - I managed all my train journeys last week with zero panic or anxiety!!! I don't think I could possibly express in words just how much of an achievement that is for me. WOOOOHOOOO. So, much to my surprise, I actually quite enjoyed my journey up to Sheffield (except for the bit where I had to change trains at Birmingham and had only 3 minutes to get from Platform 5 to Platform 8 so ran through the station like a lunatic, but I think anyone would find that stressful!)

Oxford Station

I had a lovely time with Niamh - we went shopping (I spent too much money), I met her flatmates who were lovely, we went out for drinks, ate the best jacket potato I've had in a while, and went to see 'Boris: The Musical' which was 'interesting' to say the least. It was a musical all about Boris Johnson and was quite possibly one of the most hilarious and also mentally scarring experiences of my life haha! 

So cute!

Beautiful Sheffield

Lift selfie with Niamh!

Girl Power

My trip was finished off by a lovely walk through the woodland park. We saw many a squirrel!

Candid shot of Niamh walking through the winter leaves

Sheffield was such a beautiful city and I loved my time there (more than I was expecting too if I'm completely honest) - as a place to visit I don't think it's given enough credit. My first taste of Uni life was also a success - I have no horror stories to report lol. Niamh's accommodation was fab and the Sheffield Student Union was great too. I shall be back (sorry Niamh, you thought you were rid of me).

Sheffield Station

London

On Wednesday I had my second drama school audition, this time at Guildhall School of Music and Drama. This of course meant another tube journey into Central London. Now that I'm overcoming my fear of the Underground, this part wasn't too bad. What was horrible was the fact that I had to leave my house at 5:30am when it was -7°C!!!!! Pretty sure I nearly died.

This audition was another good experience. What was especially nice about Guildhall was that there was a warm-up/workshop session before the individual auditions started which gave me a chance to loosen up, meet the panel, familiarise myself with the audition room, and to get my head in 'the zone'. It also meant that although I didn't get through to the next round, I really felt that I got something from the day. 

The panel were lovely and the interview section of the audition was a real pleasure as it was a conversation rather than an interrogation. However, something that was frustrating was that I had changed the way I did one of my monologues and after I had finished performing it, the lady on the panel gave me some re-direction and what she asked me to do was LITERALLY WHAT I HAD BEEN DOING BEFORE I CHANGED IT. So annoying. But I think it's a lesson learnt that I should go with my instincts in future and not overthink things too much. The other thing was that I felt the man on the panel had almost made his mind up about me before he'd even seen me act. This was due to the fact that in the workshop he talked for about 5 minutes about how he tries to discourage 18/19 year olds from going to drama school as he feels they need more life experience first. I hope this wasn't a factor however, as I think that it is a subjective viewpoint and that other professionals would hold the opposite opinion. Who knows!

Beautiful sky views as we drove home listening to Lewis Watson's new album

Bath

The end of my week was spent in beautiful Bath! I was there visiting my wonderful friend Beth who is studying Pharmacy at the University of Bath. She met me at the station and after many hugs and squeals at being reunited, we spent a couple of hours going round the Christmas Market and the shops. I got some Christmas shopping done and also bought a few treats for myself!

Katie and the Small Blue Suitcase hit the road again

Like Niamh, Beth's accommodation was great and her flatmates were so amazing and made me feel very welcome. I joined them all for an evening celebrating the birthday of one of Beth's course-mates: dancing around to 'Cheap Thrills' was the main activity of the evening which was, of course, fine by me! 

Gals

I miss Beth again already and can't wait to see her when she comes home for Christmas in a couple of weeks! 

Phew. So last week was a bit mad. I conquered fears, rode a rollercoaster of emotions, and explored three fab cities.

Thank you for taking the time to read about my lil' adventures.

Love,

Katie xxx

Gap Year Bucket List!

10 things I want to do before September 2017...

1. Apply to drama schools e.g LAMDA and Guildhall. I am fully aware of how near-impossible it is to get a spot at one of these prestigious, elite, and highly selective institutes. However, I know that I will hugely regret it if I never try. Therefore, I've made the decision to go for it... but have also secured a place at the University of Brighton to study Primary English Education with QTS  in 2017. I shall be documenting my application and audition journey!
2. Become more courageous! I struggle with really bad travel anxiety which holds me back a fair bit. For example, this summer my parents and brother travelled to Barcelona for a week, yet I had to stay at home as the whole idea was just too terrifying for me. (It's a very hard thing to explain and talk about but I will definitely be discussing it in more depth on here at some point.) I want to increase my ability to cope with travelling by exposing myself to what scares me in the hope that I will build up some level of tolerance. Therefore, I have invested in a railcard and plan to visit lots of my friends who have now gone off to University in various cities across the country. Again, I shall be documenting these little adventures on here! 
3. Sing, sing, sing! As mentioned in my introductory post, my main passions in life are singing and acting. Consequently, several of the things on my gap year bucket list relate to these two interests. These things include: singing at weddings, busking, registering with Uni-versal Extras Ltd. (a company which casts extras for major films and TV programmes), regularly uploading covers to my YouTube channel, writing songs, and applying for a place in the Musical Youth Company of Oxford (MYCO).
4. Get a job. Ideally at Whittards (who sell the most incredible mugs, tea, and hot chocolate!) or Brown Bear (an independent baby and children's boutique), or some form of work with children.
5. Learn to play the piano or guitar. This is one I'm not massively optimistic about as I struggle to be disciplined about practising them! But I hope that, without the excuse of having school work to do, I can be strict with myself!
6. Write a blog. (!)
7. Gain more experience of working with children. As you will have seen from the first item on my list, if I don't get into drama school I will be heading off to University to train as a primary school teacher. I therefore want to gain as much extra experience of working with children as possible over the coming months. Things such as babysitting, volunteering at a toddler group, volunteering at a local primary school - and at a local school for children with special needs - are all on my list. 
8. Bake and cook lots and lots! As I also mentioned in my introductory post, I love to bake! My Grandpa bought me a beautiful KitchenAid mixer for my 18th birthday, which has to be one (if not the) best gift I've ever received. (Yes, I am that sad gal who, when told she can have a big birthday present of her choice, goes for baking equipment over a laptop or any other similarly normal teenage want... Aha!)
9. Learn sign language. Just one of those cool things that I've always wanted to do. I shall be hitting the library for some 'teach yourself' books and of course shall be scanning the internet for tutorials and online lessons.
10. GET WELL! School has most definitely not given me the space or flexibility to attempt to combat my health conditions: ME/CFS, neuropathic/chronic pain, IBS, anxiety, and depression. For this reason, my health has deteriorated over the past couple of years and so I intend to use the coming year to try out different treatments, gradually build up my strength using physiotherapy and swimming, and generally look after myself more.

Phew. So there it is. It will be interesting to look back on this post in a years time to see how much of this list I managed to achieve! Speaking of which... I have already achieved some of it in the first few weeks of my gap year! I have been given a job at Brown Bear, have started volunteering at a toddler group twice a week, have got a job working as 'mothers help' for a woman who has her hands full with 9 month old twins, I (rather miraculously after I thought I'd messed up my audition) got into MYCO, and I have - of course - started a blog. I'd say that's a pretty good start!

Thanks so much for reading, look out for updates on how I'm getting on with my list.

Love,

Katie xxx