Syrians love their children too...

Photo credits to Open Doors UK

I remember discussing the Cold War with my Dad a while back when I was studying it in History at school, I asked if he remembered much about it and how it affected him. He told me about how the song 'Russians' by Sting drastically altered his whole perspective about the conflict. The lyric which had particularly stuck in his mind and that he repeated to me in that moment was 'the Russians love their children too'. My Dad told me how this simple phrase broke any power the words of the media - which showed the war to be very 'black and white', with all the West being the 'good guys' and all Russians being the 'bad guys' - could have on him. It humanised the Russian people.
Despite this song having been written back in 1985, I feel that with a few tweaks to tthe names mentioned, it is painfully relevant to the current situation of our world.
Find the lyrics here

A few weeks ago, one of the Syrian refugees who has been placed in my town (Witney, Oxfordshire) brought her 10 day old baby along to the baby and toddler group that I work at. I sat and spoke with her and held her baby for a while. He was fast asleep in my arms and as I looked down into his perfect, beautiful face I felt overwhelmed with emotion. I work as a childminder and most of my work at the moment is with babies/children under three years. I felt the same love and joy looking down at this little face as I do with any other baby I look after. He was so pure and innocent and it broke my heart to think of the hatred and violence this boy had been born in to. He doesn't have a clue about what has gone on in his country, no idea of the perilous journey his mother had to make whilst he was still growing inside her; in the hope that she may give birth to him in a country where he could be safe from war.
This experience affected me in a similar way to how Sting's lyrics affected my Dad those 31 years ago. I saw Syrian refugees as people, real human people who are just the same as you and me. It humanised them. Our media does the opposite of this and it is so easy to be taken in by their scaremongering. What our media seems to do is turn these people into terrifyingly huge statistics which, as we know, aren't even accurate half the time (thanks Farage and your delightful bus). I feel that the best way to tackle the refugee crisis is to instead 'zoom in' on individual families and individual people. By doing so, I think our attitude will change from 'how can we handle this situation in a way that best benefits us' to 'how can we handle this situation in a way that benefits them'.
Compassion. Love. Empathy.
It is my hope that one day the little baby boy I held in my arms can live in a world of peace.

But what can I do?

Although we may each feel small and insignificant, everyone has a part to play in making this hope a reality...

 Unless and until we have peace deep within us, we can never hope to have peace in the outer world. You and I create the world. If we can invoke peace and then offer it to somebody else, we will see how peace expands from one to two persons, and gradually to the world at large. Peace will come about in the world from the perfection of individuals. If you have peace, I have peace, he has peace, and she has peace, then automatically universal peace will dawn.” 

― Sri Chinmoy

Big change starts with us. You can:

• Fight against the dehumanising portrayal of refugees in the media by changing your own personal perceptions.
• Write to or tweet (hey, it's the modern age we live in) MPs/those in positions of influence and power, make your voice heard and do your bit to protect others like the mother and baby I met a few weeks back.
• Sign petitions such as these. This one is is campaigning to 'Stop the delay in welcoming lone refugee children' And this one is to urge the government to 'Air-drop life saving aid into the starving cities in Syria'
• Donate to charities such as The Red Cross, Oxfam, Save the Children, World Vision, Open Doors UK (who work with those persecuted for their religious faith in Syria), Crying Out for Calais (a charity set up in Witney which takes donated items such as sleeping bags and warm clothes to those who need them in Calais), or you can browse through and choose a different charity through Find a Charity: Help for Syria

I definitely don't have the answers to what I understand to be a very sensitive and complex issue, but I really believe these things are a good place to start. 

Over the Christmas period in particular it is so easy to be swallowed up by our consumerist society's desire and demand for more 'things'. However, the true meaning of Christmas is hope and love in a broken world, indeed baby Jesus was a refugee just like the Syrian baby I have kept referring to in this post. Let us take this opportunity to give and to love.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! I hope it has been vaguely interesting and helpful! Please do comment with your opinions on this crisis, Katie's Corner is always open to discussion :)

Love,

Katie xxx

Coming Back From Rejection

If you have been keeping up with my last few blog posts you will know that I have been auditioning for drama school. You may also have seen how, so far, I haven't been very successful. This has been really tough, and yet I've also learnt so much from it. I would be lying if I said it still didn't hurt a bit or that I've got this whole thing sussed out, but I have had a couple of 'light-bulb moments' and feel that I do have something to share in terms of how to pick yourself up after you've been told you're not good enough and come back fighting - self-belief in tact!

To re-cap: In November I had two auditions. The first was for RADA. Despite feeling like my audition went really well and coming out of there on cloud nine, I didn't get a recall. After this, I had a think over what could have been wrong with what I did in the first audition, I also took on new advice and consequently made some changes to the way I performed my Shakespeare piece and learnt an entirely new modern piece. However, the night before my second audition (which was at Guildhall) I had a bit of a meltdown... I got so worked up trying to guess what it is that they would be looking for, what advice to follow, whether to stick to my original plan or my new tactics, worrying that the things I'd changed were actually the things that were good about the RADA audition! Basically I was going round and round in circles, getting more and more upset, and wasting time in a futile attempt to read the minds of the audition panel I hadn't even met yet. After a couple of hours of being in this mess I changed my way of thinking and just said: the only way I guarantee that I won't get a recall tomorrow is if I let nerves get the better of me; I need to pull myself together, stick with the changes I've made, go and enjoy it and try to get as much out of it as possible! Thinking like this calmed me down and allowed me to have a good experience the next day. As you will have read in my last post, the panel gave me some re-direction which was what I had been doing before I changed my pieces, and I didn't get a recall.

This was certainly a lesson in following my instincts as an actor and learning to filter through advice - only taking on what I feel is right for me. I also realised that just because I didn't get a recall from RADA, that doesn't necessarily mean I did anything wrong. After I received my rejection letter, I started thinking that I must have been mistaken in believing that my audition went well. However, I know that drama schools turn people away for so many different reasons, not just for lack of talent. These reasons range from: your age (they may have felt I was too young), the way you look (if they already have five tall, slim brunettes they don't want another one!), to test how much you want it (these schools like people who are desperate and audition year after year) and so on. Just because you don't get the result you desire from a certain situation, that doesn't mean the whole experience was a failure. Reflect, learn, grow.

For a while, however, I felt crap. It was crushing to have worked to hard for something only to be told I wasn't good enough. Despite trying hard not to, I really took it to heart. I started thinking: maybe I'm not cut out for this, maybe I'm not talented enough, and maybe I'm not pretty enough. I started picking apart every part of my performance, looking for faults. I lost a lot of my self-worth and confidence, I felt small and insignificant - just one more foolish girl trying to 'make it'.

But then everything changed.

I was at church and during the worship I felt this overwhelming sense of God's love. Suddenly I felt my confidence return and the words a friend had said to me after I got my rejection letter from RADA came flooding back: "You will never get a letter like that from God."
God will never reject me, no matter how much I mess up or how flawed I am. He loves me and he made me to be just the way I am. My worth is not defined by the opinions of three judges who spent just 20 minutes with me. They are professionals and their opinions of course hold value in terms of whether they think I'm ready for drama school or not because that's their job! But they don't get to determine how I feel about myself. My worth is instead defined by how God sees me:

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:10

Even if you don't believe in God or hold the same faith as me, this still applies to you. Don't ever let someone make you doubt your worth - whether it's because of not getting through an audition like me, whether it's because you didn't get a job you applied for, whether it's because you've told someone you love them and they don't reciprocate the feelings... Whatever it may be, that is just one small part of you, one small event in your existence. You are a being made up of many talents and innumerable qualities. Do not allow that one event to cause you to start thinking 'I'm not good enough'.

I now feel I have my 'mojo' back haha! I'm ready to go and kick some butt in my next audition, which was meant to be this coming Monday but I've had to postpone it until the end of January as I'm ill and can barely talk! *sad face*
However, in preparation for this I have written some self-affirmations on my mirror which I am reciting everyday. It feels a bit ridiculous but it really works. As you declare these statements about yourself you start to believe them and so embody them. I've written: I am confident, I am self-assured, I am strong, I am happy, I am friendly, I am capable, I am mature, I am cooperative, I am grounded, I am smart, I am passionate, I am hard working.


I hope this post has been helpful in some way and that you have been reminded of how truly amazing and worthy you are. Let's go out there and smash life together!

Love,
Katie xxx

Sheffield | London | Bath

This past week has been CRAAAAZY! I feel like I've been all over the place!

Sheffield

My week started with a trip up North to visit my friend Niamh who is currently studying History at the University of Sheffield. This was a journey which involved a lot of 'firsts' for me; it was the first time I'd travelled that far on my own, the first time I'd ever been to Sheffield, and my first experience of Uni life! All three of these things were great!

I think I mentioned in a previous post that I've struggled with bad travel anxiety for several years now. Travelling on trains has been one of my worst fears. If at any post over the past six years or so, I knew I was going to have to use a train or the tube I would dread it for weeks and would often have panic attacks when in train stations or when on a train. However, it's something I've been working on and - mainly thanks to LP - I managed all my train journeys last week with zero panic or anxiety!!! I don't think I could possibly express in words just how much of an achievement that is for me. WOOOOHOOOO. So, much to my surprise, I actually quite enjoyed my journey up to Sheffield (except for the bit where I had to change trains at Birmingham and had only 3 minutes to get from Platform 5 to Platform 8 so ran through the station like a lunatic, but I think anyone would find that stressful!)

Oxford Station

I had a lovely time with Niamh - we went shopping (I spent too much money), I met her flatmates who were lovely, we went out for drinks, ate the best jacket potato I've had in a while, and went to see 'Boris: The Musical' which was 'interesting' to say the least. It was a musical all about Boris Johnson and was quite possibly one of the most hilarious and also mentally scarring experiences of my life haha! 

So cute!

Beautiful Sheffield

Lift selfie with Niamh!

Girl Power

My trip was finished off by a lovely walk through the woodland park. We saw many a squirrel!

Candid shot of Niamh walking through the winter leaves

Sheffield was such a beautiful city and I loved my time there (more than I was expecting too if I'm completely honest) - as a place to visit I don't think it's given enough credit. My first taste of Uni life was also a success - I have no horror stories to report lol. Niamh's accommodation was fab and the Sheffield Student Union was great too. I shall be back (sorry Niamh, you thought you were rid of me).

Sheffield Station

London

On Wednesday I had my second drama school audition, this time at Guildhall School of Music and Drama. This of course meant another tube journey into Central London. Now that I'm overcoming my fear of the Underground, this part wasn't too bad. What was horrible was the fact that I had to leave my house at 5:30am when it was -7°C!!!!! Pretty sure I nearly died.

This audition was another good experience. What was especially nice about Guildhall was that there was a warm-up/workshop session before the individual auditions started which gave me a chance to loosen up, meet the panel, familiarise myself with the audition room, and to get my head in 'the zone'. It also meant that although I didn't get through to the next round, I really felt that I got something from the day. 

The panel were lovely and the interview section of the audition was a real pleasure as it was a conversation rather than an interrogation. However, something that was frustrating was that I had changed the way I did one of my monologues and after I had finished performing it, the lady on the panel gave me some re-direction and what she asked me to do was LITERALLY WHAT I HAD BEEN DOING BEFORE I CHANGED IT. So annoying. But I think it's a lesson learnt that I should go with my instincts in future and not overthink things too much. The other thing was that I felt the man on the panel had almost made his mind up about me before he'd even seen me act. This was due to the fact that in the workshop he talked for about 5 minutes about how he tries to discourage 18/19 year olds from going to drama school as he feels they need more life experience first. I hope this wasn't a factor however, as I think that it is a subjective viewpoint and that other professionals would hold the opposite opinion. Who knows!

Beautiful sky views as we drove home listening to Lewis Watson's new album

Bath

The end of my week was spent in beautiful Bath! I was there visiting my wonderful friend Beth who is studying Pharmacy at the University of Bath. She met me at the station and after many hugs and squeals at being reunited, we spent a couple of hours going round the Christmas Market and the shops. I got some Christmas shopping done and also bought a few treats for myself!

Katie and the Small Blue Suitcase hit the road again

Like Niamh, Beth's accommodation was great and her flatmates were so amazing and made me feel very welcome. I joined them all for an evening celebrating the birthday of one of Beth's course-mates: dancing around to 'Cheap Thrills' was the main activity of the evening which was, of course, fine by me! 

Gals

I miss Beth again already and can't wait to see her when she comes home for Christmas in a couple of weeks! 

Phew. So last week was a bit mad. I conquered fears, rode a rollercoaster of emotions, and explored three fab cities.

Thank you for taking the time to read about my lil' adventures.

Love,

Katie xxx

RADA, Shakespeare, and English Paper Piecing!

Hello!

This week's blog post is a bit of a general life update - lots of exciting things have been happening!

RADA

The Royal Academy of Dramatic Art

I usually set aside Fridays as my day to write and upload blogs posts, however last Friday I was busy preparing for my audition at RADA which I had today. RADA is considered by many to be the top drama school in the world; they audition over 3,000 people every year with only 28 spaces (14 for males and 14 for females) up for grabs so the odds are very much against you! However, I thought that I might as well give it a go as it would be a great experience to perform in front of a panel there - and you never know if you never try! 

This morning I woke up feeling nauseous and tense thinking 'why the hell am I putting myself through this?!?!' and these feelings only worsened. When I was half way to London I was so scared that I felt I needed to pee, poop, and throw up all at once (my apologies for that delightful imagery). Yet once I was there and got chatting to a few of the other auditionees I started to relax. I employed my various warm up techniques, breathing and calming exercises, and began to feel a lot better. I reminded myself that I had paid to be there (a delightful £45 audition fee is required), that I deserved to be there as much as anyone else and that - although my chances of getting through were slim - I was damn well going to give it my all and show these people what I could do! And that's exactly what I did. When my name was called, I walked in there with a huge smile on my face (fake it till you make it peeps) and answered their questions with as much confidence as I could muster. I then performed my pieces (two Shakespeare and one contemporary). I absolutely loved every second of it. When I was there performing and absorbed in the characters, I knew for certain that this is what I want to do; any doubts melted away.
Although the panel aren't meant to give anything away, they gave me some great feedback and one of them even came out of the room to chat to me afterwards. This gave me a huge confidence boost that perhaps I have a chance at getting through to the next round! After the first auditions, between 300-400 applicants will get a recall, yet this is only the second of four rounds! But one step at a time!
Despite the fact that things went so well today, I know there is still a very small chance that I will get much further in the process, but what have we got if not hope? And I'm so happy that I took the chance and gave it a go because I had a great experience and can take what I learnt with me in to future auditions.

I will keep you updated as to what happens! Now to focus on my Guildhall audition next week...!

Writing for the Royal Shakespeare Company!

Last week myself and my friend Kirsty (who is also applying to drama school this year) went to watch a production of 'The Two Noble Kinsmen' at the RSC in Stratford-upon-Avon. We had a wonderful evening (despite some questionable driving on my part.. I blame the Sat-Nav!) and were completely blown away by the whole production: from the script, to the acting, to the staging, costume, and lighting. We got our tickets for a mere fiver thanks to the RSC Key. This is available to everyone aged between 16-25: if you sign up you get a Keycard which gets you tickets to their shows for only £5, along with discounts for the shop and restaurants. Equally exciting is that fact that this week I will be writing a review of the Two Noble Kinsmen which will be posted on the RSC Key blog! Squeee! I shall share the link to that once it's written and up on their website. 

*lil shoutout to my friend Joe - a drama student at the Uni of Northampton- for telling me about the RSC Key!*

English Paper Piecing

Progress! But a long way to go... at the moment it's probably only a quilt big enough for a mouse! 

I may actually be more excited about this latest art project than I am about RADA and the RSC...perhaps because I'm a sad 18 year old who's going on 80 and needs to get out more? Ah well, here goes. I'M MAKING A PATCHWORK QUILT AND I'M VERY EXCITED ABOUT IT! Yep, I even felt the need to resort to caps. 

I am making a patchwork quilt using the English Paper Piecing method (which basically means using paper to help get the shapes for your patches) I'm finding it really fun and therapeutic (I actually did some whilst on the tube today which gave me something to focus on and keep me calm). I'm also finding it fairly straight forward at the moment which is surprising considering it's all hand sewn and I'm not very experienced at sewing. I'm really excited about this project because it is allowing me to be really creative, I'm developing new skills, it's something I can hopefully keep and use forever, and because it will hold sentimental value. For example, some of the patches are made from the material that my mum made her bridesmaids dresses from (yes, sewing runs in the family!). It will probably take me a good few months to complete so will certainly keep me busy for a while but I'm sure it will be worth it. As with my drama school journey, I shall be posting updates on my progress on here!

Thank you so much for reading this slightly random blog post and I hope you enjoyed it!

Love,

Katie xxx

Farewell, Autumn.

Dear Autumn,

I want to thank you for crisp mornings and falling leaves,

for red and yellow and orange on trees.

You make me feel alive - what with spiced pumpkin soup warming me through,

and cold evening air leaving my cheeks a pink hue.

My friends think I'm crazy for asking summer to leave,

but that hot, sweaty feeling just isn't for me!

I'll miss you Autumn, I really will.

So, until next year, good bye and farewell.

Autumn got me like...

Dead but beautiful.

I love going for walks in Autumn. The colours around the countryside at this time are so beautiful and I will relish in any excuse to get my boots, scarf, coat, hat, and gloves on! I definitely prefer autumn/winter fashion to that of spring and summer - get me in a turtle neck over a halter neck any day of the week. 

Colour co-ordination with berries?!

There are lots of things I love about this time of year: from drinking hot chocolates on the sofa in front of the telly, to seeing the low sunlight bursting through the treetops behind my house every morning.

I will never stop being completely awestruck by God's creation... all the wonderful colours: reds, yellows, greens, lilacs, oranges, browns; the diversity of plants and animals, how it's like a cleansing period - the old fades away to make way for the new to arrive in the Spring.

I have to try to be really strict with myself when the 1st October comes around because if I had things my way, I'd start putting the Christmas decs up there and then! I absolutely love everything about Christmas and want to drag it out for as long as possible! However, I know it's not good to wish your life away and so I do my best to appreciate the Autumn months before getting too over excited about the Christmas ones. (I did allow myself to get a lil bit festive this morning because Leslie Odom Jr released a Christmas album and I just couldn't wait!).

When one season ends there are always things I miss about it, yet I also get excited about the next one! With winter almost upon us, I'm looking forward to: hearty winter meals like Cottage Pie, Toad in the Hole, and roast vegetables; putting the living room fire on and watching the flames dance, the chance of snow???? And of course Christmas, as I've already mentioned!

Look how happy I am with those leaves ahaha! There really is nothing else quite like crunching your way through fallen Autumn leaves.

Featuring the little robin key chain I made. The two shades of burgundy on this bag seem to be pretty much the only colours I wear in Autumn!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this post, I hope you like the pictures! Massive shoutout to Darcy Hall for getting up at the crack of dawn with me to take these, and for helping me go through them and edit them! You can find more of Darcy's work on Instagram: @darcy_amber

Scroll down for some 'outtakes' of the photoshoot... Enjoy!

Love,

Katie xxx 

Yes girl, work that tree...

"And then I was just like errmagosh like seriously"

Here's a tree I prepared earlier

I'm trying to smile but am scared for my life due to the 6ft drop into a river behind me lol. Internal monologue: 'DARCY HURRY UP AND TAKE THE PICTURES I AM GOING TO FALL AND DIE'

Reasons To Stay Alive

"You were there before it. And the cloud can't exist without the sky, but the sky can exist without the cloud."

New PJs, hot chocolate and a good book. Isn't that a reason to stay alive in itself? 

'Reasons to Stay Alive' by Matt Haig is one of the best books I've ever read, and is certainly the book which has had the biggest influence on my life. It is one man's account of his journey through depression and anxiety - but not only this, he gives such invaluable advice and strategies on how to understand and navigate mental health. It is written with such honestly, vulnerability, wisdom, and beauty that it makes for exquisite reading. I genuinely believe that EVERYONE should read this book at some point in their lifetime - preferably sooner rather than later!

A book for all!

'Reasons to Stay Alive' is a book for everyone, regardless of whether they have ever suffered from mental health problems. Indeed, in the first section of the book, Haig explores how many people will experience mental health problems during their lifetime: 1 in 5 will experience depression. This indicates how, even if you never have a mental illness yourself, you will certainly come across many others who do. Haig also points out how dangerous mental health illnesses really are, he states "Depression is one of the deadliest diseases on the planet. It kills more people than... warfare, terrorism, domestic abuse, assult, gun crime - put together". These facts make the chapter 'How to be there for someone with depression or anxiety' so much more important. Educate yourself and be prepared. 

Furthermore, Haig tackles the stigma surrounding mental health, head on. One of the comments that had a significant impact on me was this: "depression is not something you 'admit to', it is not something you have to blush about, it is a human experience." This massively helped me to recognise that this was something happening TO me; I didn't need to constantly beat myself up with thoughts such as 'why am I thinking and feeling this, my life is fine - I have no reason to feel this way!' and other guilt driven musings.

Voicing what I never could.

There are so many things I have thought and felt during my time with anxiety and depression that I simply haven't been able to find the words to express to others. The chapter 'Things you think during your first panic attack', for example is painfully accurate and may be helpful for others to read as a way of self-diagnosis. Indeed, when I had my first panic attack I had NO IDEA what was happening to me and genuinely believed I was dying. 

Other feelings that Haig miraculously manages to express in words include the feeling of being trapped: "I never realised how you could be locked inside your own mind", the internal battles you have inside yourself - almost as if there are two versions of you, how you develop a fear of "having nothing but (your) own mind to listen to" and so as a consequence fill your time until you exhaust yourself, how you feel like you are drowning and "desperately trying to keep afloat", you feel "disconnected" as if you don't quite exist in this reality. As someone who has also suffered from physical ill health, I have always said I would choose to live with any of my physical problems rather than my mental problems ANY DAY! Haig, again, manages to explain this perfectly. He says, "you are not your back but you are your thoughts".

Haig delves into the feelings of guilt often experienced by people going through depression and anxiety. He describes "the weight of being a son that had gone wrong. The weight of being loved." You feel awful that you can't always be the happy and healthy daughter or son your parents will have hoped you would be.

Finally, and perhaps most significantly for me personally, Haig explains how he often would "build up hours and minutes like pounds and pence" and "would want 9am to be 10am. I would want the morning to be the afternoon. I would want the 22nd of September to be the 23rd of September". This is certainly something I have always done when going through a particularly bad patch of anxiety. I would count how many hours of the day I had already got through and how many more I still had to go. I would congratulate myself on making it through another day. I would think 'well, hey, at least I'm one day closer to this all being over.' It wasn't until I saw these thoughts written down in 'Reasons to Stay Alive' that I realised just how sad it was that I was simply 'getting through' life - rather than cherishing it and enjoying it. I wanted to instead see every minute as precious. I knew something had to change.

From falling, to rising, to being.

At no point in the book does Matt Haig try and turn the whole affair into fluffy clouds and unicorns. He says things how they are. He presents the reality. Yet he gives hope; he writes about how to cope and how to move forward. One of my favourite quotes from the book which gives me such a sense of hope is this: "Your mind is a galaxy. More dark than light. But the light makes it worthwhile... You are moving through that galaxy. Wait for the stars." I love this so much that I have it written on the wall by my bed and it is my pinned tweet on twitter ahaha! 

Haig gives suggestions of activities or thoughts that have helped him, such as yoga: "I was a yogaphobe, but am now a convert.", he suggests it's okay to be 'thin skinned': "Because we are here to feel", he points out how one can "walk through a storm and feel the wind but you are not the wind"... "You are the observer of your mind, not its victim". Gems like this are so, so helpful. I try to replace the negative thoughts with positive ones like this.

What would Matt Haig do?

I have learned and gained an awful lot from reading this book. So much so, that I have found myself in situations that would usually make me anxious and - instead of reacting in the way I usually would - I think to myself: 'What would Matt Haig do?' For example, a couple of months ago I was sat in the waiting room at the hairdressers and really needed the loo. Anyone else in this position would simply get up and ask a member of staff where the bathroom was - without even thinking about it. I however, did not. Anxiety kicked in and I started thinking... 'Why didn't I use the toilet before I came? I'm such an idiot, why didn't I see this was going to happen? What if they think I'm weird for asking to use the bathroom? What if just as I stand up, the receptionist goes off to do something else and I'm left standing looking stupid? What if the hairdresser comes to get me and I'm on the toilet instead of in the waiting room? Will they think I've gone and just get the next person? What if I get locked inside the bathroom and can't get out? What if it's dirty and dark? But if I don't go now I'll be sat in discomfort the whole time I'm having my hair cut. What if it gets to the point that I'm so desperate that I get out of the chair WHILST she's cutting my hair? What if I wet myself? I'd never be able to be seen here again!' 

Yep. All this went through my head in the space of about a minute. But then I thought: No. What would Matt Haig say if he was here right now? I replied to myself: he would tell me to be brave to take the leap, to just do it! And so I counted down from 3 in my head. 3...2...1! And got out of my chair and walked over to the receptionist. I asked if there was a toilet that I could use, he said yes, and showed me where to go. He was so lovely and friendly and put a genuine smile on my face just by the way he spoke to me. Of course, the bathroom was fine! In fact it was more than fine; the walls were covered in happy, inspirational quotes which lifted my mood. You'll be pleased to know I didn't get locked in and I didn't miss my appointment..! This situation was so small and ridiculous, but to me it was a massive victory! I was waiting for everyone in the salon to stop what they were doing and applaud me for not giving in to my fears.

Just bloody read this book!

If you haven't already worked this out, I think you should read this book. Like I mentioned before, it doesn't matter if you don't have mental health problems - this book will help you to spot the signs if it ever does happen to you, and will educate you on how to support those who are going through it.

It's easy to read even if you're in the pit of depression as there are lots of very short chapters, and chapters that simply consist of bullets points etc. There are suggestions for further reading at the back, along with helpful contacts (such as Mind), and advice for seeking help for a mental health problem. 

Just do it, trust me.

Thanks so much for reading!

Love,

Katie xxx

The Importance of Being Ridiculous

In a society where we feel constantly judged for the way we dress; the way we look; the way we behave; our views and opinions; the things we say; our life choices; the music, films, books we like; the friends we keep etc. how can we possibly ever let our hair down and go crazy?! 

That was quite a list, wasn't it? And it's only a few of the many things that we judge and criticise each other for. It's sad that I know how horrible it feels to be judged in this way and yet I do it to other people all the time! As long as we aren't doing ourselves or anyone else any harm, why can't we just let each other do our thing?

Yesterday evening was my wonderful friend Meg's 18th birthday party! HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEGGLINGTON. It was a Great Gatsby themed party; so there were feathers, sparkles, and pearls galore! I loved getting all dressed up and releasing my inner Daisy Buchanan. I bought my dress from eBay, my gloves from a small antiques shop called The Old Pill Factory, and I made my headpiece (details below). It was a wonderful evening of cocktails, great music, and wonderful chums. 

I felt wonderful and confident in my outfit: I knew it suited me and that it fitted with the party dress code - so that was all fine, but what I didn't feel so confident about was my dancing! I definitely cannot claim to be an attractive dancer by any means. Usually when at parties or on nights out, I will try and join everyone else and 'dance' in a vaguely okay way, but certainly not in a manner that would attract attention. I feel self-conscious about the way I'm moving. I feel exposed. I feel awkward - not knowing quite what to do with my limbs; suddenly it feels like I have a lot more than four ahaha! 

But there was something different about last night... I just stopped caring. I let go and danced like there was no tomorrow. I know I looked ridiculous: flailing my arms about, jumping around, even utilising classic moves such as the air guitar (yes, I really took it there). At one point I decided that a particular song was so good that I had to kick my shoes off in order to be able to dance sufficiently madly, only I kicked them off so hard that one of them flew the length of the room and smashed into the wall (sorry, Meg). 

So what was different about last night? What allowed me to stop caring about what other people would think and simply be absorbed by the music, lost in my own fun? Perhaps it was the fact that I had my gal Livi dancing by my side most of the night (although she definitely did it with much more elegance than I did, being an actual trained dancer herself!), Perhaps it was because that I didn't know many of the guests very well and so didn't feel their opinions would affect my life. Perhaps it was due to the fact that they day before, I had had a new treatment which had worked wonders (I shall write a full blog post about it soon) and so for once I wasn't in pain and felt full of beans. But then again, perhaps it was just the vodka.

Whatever it was that made me feel I could be ridiculous, I am very grateful to. Although there were a couple of times where people seemed to be looking at me in a 'wtf is this chick on' kinda way, no one laughed at me or anything like at, and anyway, when I thought someone was judging me they may have not been thinking anything bad at all! In fact, for all I know, they could have been thinking 'I wish I was as confident as her!'. 

Because of last night, I have been inspired to be brave and dance ridiculously more often! I feel that the fun I had was worth any judgement I may have received! And after all, every party needs someone to be the first to get up on the dance floor before anyone else will follow.

So whatever it is that makes you feel self-conscious or that you worry people judge you for, just let it go. I know it's a hell of a lot easier said than done, but life is just TOO DAMN SHORT! Wear those neon pink tights, sing out-of-tune (and do it loudly and proudly), obsess over Taylor Swift, dye your hair green, and love every part of your body. It may take time, but it will be worth the effort to feel the sense of joy you get from truly being and accepting yourself.

I think I'll leave it there for now. Thanks so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed it!

Love,

Katie xxx

How I made my 1920s headpiece:

You will need a length of lace and a length of ribbon (measured to the size of your head and in the colours you want)

You will also need a needle and thread

Select any feathers that you want. I went for two white ostrich feathers and a pink set of smaller, gathered feathers

Group together a load of sparkles and extras that you may want to add for decoration

Cut your piece of ribbon in half

Fold over the end of your lace and sew down. This will strengthen it and allow you to adjust the size neatly

Sew the two pieces of ribbon on to the lace - one at each end

So that it looks like this. This will then be how you do the headband up when you wear it

The next steps with require a glue gun or other really strong glue

Glue the feathers to the back of the band (so the stalks don't show when you're wearing it)

I then added some embellishment to the front to cover up the messy glue and also because I thought it looked pretty!

Using a glue gun, add any other sparkles or decoration to your headpiece. I used small pearl beads and rhinestones

This was the finished effect!