RADA, Shakespeare, and English Paper Piecing!

Hello!

This week's blog post is a bit of a general life update - lots of exciting things have been happening!

RADA

The Royal Academy of Dramatic Art

I usually set aside Fridays as my day to write and upload blogs posts, however last Friday I was busy preparing for my audition at RADA which I had today. RADA is considered by many to be the top drama school in the world; they audition over 3,000 people every year with only 28 spaces (14 for males and 14 for females) up for grabs so the odds are very much against you! However, I thought that I might as well give it a go as it would be a great experience to perform in front of a panel there - and you never know if you never try! 

This morning I woke up feeling nauseous and tense thinking 'why the hell am I putting myself through this?!?!' and these feelings only worsened. When I was half way to London I was so scared that I felt I needed to pee, poop, and throw up all at once (my apologies for that delightful imagery). Yet once I was there and got chatting to a few of the other auditionees I started to relax. I employed my various warm up techniques, breathing and calming exercises, and began to feel a lot better. I reminded myself that I had paid to be there (a delightful £45 audition fee is required), that I deserved to be there as much as anyone else and that - although my chances of getting through were slim - I was damn well going to give it my all and show these people what I could do! And that's exactly what I did. When my name was called, I walked in there with a huge smile on my face (fake it till you make it peeps) and answered their questions with as much confidence as I could muster. I then performed my pieces (two Shakespeare and one contemporary). I absolutely loved every second of it. When I was there performing and absorbed in the characters, I knew for certain that this is what I want to do; any doubts melted away.
Although the panel aren't meant to give anything away, they gave me some great feedback and one of them even came out of the room to chat to me afterwards. This gave me a huge confidence boost that perhaps I have a chance at getting through to the next round! After the first auditions, between 300-400 applicants will get a recall, yet this is only the second of four rounds! But one step at a time!
Despite the fact that things went so well today, I know there is still a very small chance that I will get much further in the process, but what have we got if not hope? And I'm so happy that I took the chance and gave it a go because I had a great experience and can take what I learnt with me in to future auditions.

I will keep you updated as to what happens! Now to focus on my Guildhall audition next week...!

Writing for the Royal Shakespeare Company!

Last week myself and my friend Kirsty (who is also applying to drama school this year) went to watch a production of 'The Two Noble Kinsmen' at the RSC in Stratford-upon-Avon. We had a wonderful evening (despite some questionable driving on my part.. I blame the Sat-Nav!) and were completely blown away by the whole production: from the script, to the acting, to the staging, costume, and lighting. We got our tickets for a mere fiver thanks to the RSC Key. This is available to everyone aged between 16-25: if you sign up you get a Keycard which gets you tickets to their shows for only £5, along with discounts for the shop and restaurants. Equally exciting is that fact that this week I will be writing a review of the Two Noble Kinsmen which will be posted on the RSC Key blog! Squeee! I shall share the link to that once it's written and up on their website. 

*lil shoutout to my friend Joe - a drama student at the Uni of Northampton- for telling me about the RSC Key!*

English Paper Piecing

Progress! But a long way to go... at the moment it's probably only a quilt big enough for a mouse! 

I may actually be more excited about this latest art project than I am about RADA and the RSC...perhaps because I'm a sad 18 year old who's going on 80 and needs to get out more? Ah well, here goes. I'M MAKING A PATCHWORK QUILT AND I'M VERY EXCITED ABOUT IT! Yep, I even felt the need to resort to caps. 

I am making a patchwork quilt using the English Paper Piecing method (which basically means using paper to help get the shapes for your patches) I'm finding it really fun and therapeutic (I actually did some whilst on the tube today which gave me something to focus on and keep me calm). I'm also finding it fairly straight forward at the moment which is surprising considering it's all hand sewn and I'm not very experienced at sewing. I'm really excited about this project because it is allowing me to be really creative, I'm developing new skills, it's something I can hopefully keep and use forever, and because it will hold sentimental value. For example, some of the patches are made from the material that my mum made her bridesmaids dresses from (yes, sewing runs in the family!). It will probably take me a good few months to complete so will certainly keep me busy for a while but I'm sure it will be worth it. As with my drama school journey, I shall be posting updates on my progress on here!

Thank you so much for reading this slightly random blog post and I hope you enjoyed it!

Love,

Katie xxx

Farewell, Autumn.

Dear Autumn,

I want to thank you for crisp mornings and falling leaves,

for red and yellow and orange on trees.

You make me feel alive - what with spiced pumpkin soup warming me through,

and cold evening air leaving my cheeks a pink hue.

My friends think I'm crazy for asking summer to leave,

but that hot, sweaty feeling just isn't for me!

I'll miss you Autumn, I really will.

So, until next year, good bye and farewell.

Autumn got me like...

Dead but beautiful.

I love going for walks in Autumn. The colours around the countryside at this time are so beautiful and I will relish in any excuse to get my boots, scarf, coat, hat, and gloves on! I definitely prefer autumn/winter fashion to that of spring and summer - get me in a turtle neck over a halter neck any day of the week. 

Colour co-ordination with berries?!

There are lots of things I love about this time of year: from drinking hot chocolates on the sofa in front of the telly, to seeing the low sunlight bursting through the treetops behind my house every morning.

I will never stop being completely awestruck by God's creation... all the wonderful colours: reds, yellows, greens, lilacs, oranges, browns; the diversity of plants and animals, how it's like a cleansing period - the old fades away to make way for the new to arrive in the Spring.

I have to try to be really strict with myself when the 1st October comes around because if I had things my way, I'd start putting the Christmas decs up there and then! I absolutely love everything about Christmas and want to drag it out for as long as possible! However, I know it's not good to wish your life away and so I do my best to appreciate the Autumn months before getting too over excited about the Christmas ones. (I did allow myself to get a lil bit festive this morning because Leslie Odom Jr released a Christmas album and I just couldn't wait!).

When one season ends there are always things I miss about it, yet I also get excited about the next one! With winter almost upon us, I'm looking forward to: hearty winter meals like Cottage Pie, Toad in the Hole, and roast vegetables; putting the living room fire on and watching the flames dance, the chance of snow???? And of course Christmas, as I've already mentioned!

Look how happy I am with those leaves ahaha! There really is nothing else quite like crunching your way through fallen Autumn leaves.

Featuring the little robin key chain I made. The two shades of burgundy on this bag seem to be pretty much the only colours I wear in Autumn!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this post, I hope you like the pictures! Massive shoutout to Darcy Hall for getting up at the crack of dawn with me to take these, and for helping me go through them and edit them! You can find more of Darcy's work on Instagram: @darcy_amber

Scroll down for some 'outtakes' of the photoshoot... Enjoy!

Love,

Katie xxx 

Yes girl, work that tree...

"And then I was just like errmagosh like seriously"

Here's a tree I prepared earlier

I'm trying to smile but am scared for my life due to the 6ft drop into a river behind me lol. Internal monologue: 'DARCY HURRY UP AND TAKE THE PICTURES I AM GOING TO FALL AND DIE'

Reasons To Stay Alive

"You were there before it. And the cloud can't exist without the sky, but the sky can exist without the cloud."

New PJs, hot chocolate and a good book. Isn't that a reason to stay alive in itself? 

'Reasons to Stay Alive' by Matt Haig is one of the best books I've ever read, and is certainly the book which has had the biggest influence on my life. It is one man's account of his journey through depression and anxiety - but not only this, he gives such invaluable advice and strategies on how to understand and navigate mental health. It is written with such honestly, vulnerability, wisdom, and beauty that it makes for exquisite reading. I genuinely believe that EVERYONE should read this book at some point in their lifetime - preferably sooner rather than later!

A book for all!

'Reasons to Stay Alive' is a book for everyone, regardless of whether they have ever suffered from mental health problems. Indeed, in the first section of the book, Haig explores how many people will experience mental health problems during their lifetime: 1 in 5 will experience depression. This indicates how, even if you never have a mental illness yourself, you will certainly come across many others who do. Haig also points out how dangerous mental health illnesses really are, he states "Depression is one of the deadliest diseases on the planet. It kills more people than... warfare, terrorism, domestic abuse, assult, gun crime - put together". These facts make the chapter 'How to be there for someone with depression or anxiety' so much more important. Educate yourself and be prepared. 

Furthermore, Haig tackles the stigma surrounding mental health, head on. One of the comments that had a significant impact on me was this: "depression is not something you 'admit to', it is not something you have to blush about, it is a human experience." This massively helped me to recognise that this was something happening TO me; I didn't need to constantly beat myself up with thoughts such as 'why am I thinking and feeling this, my life is fine - I have no reason to feel this way!' and other guilt driven musings.

Voicing what I never could.

There are so many things I have thought and felt during my time with anxiety and depression that I simply haven't been able to find the words to express to others. The chapter 'Things you think during your first panic attack', for example is painfully accurate and may be helpful for others to read as a way of self-diagnosis. Indeed, when I had my first panic attack I had NO IDEA what was happening to me and genuinely believed I was dying. 

Other feelings that Haig miraculously manages to express in words include the feeling of being trapped: "I never realised how you could be locked inside your own mind", the internal battles you have inside yourself - almost as if there are two versions of you, how you develop a fear of "having nothing but (your) own mind to listen to" and so as a consequence fill your time until you exhaust yourself, how you feel like you are drowning and "desperately trying to keep afloat", you feel "disconnected" as if you don't quite exist in this reality. As someone who has also suffered from physical ill health, I have always said I would choose to live with any of my physical problems rather than my mental problems ANY DAY! Haig, again, manages to explain this perfectly. He says, "you are not your back but you are your thoughts".

Haig delves into the feelings of guilt often experienced by people going through depression and anxiety. He describes "the weight of being a son that had gone wrong. The weight of being loved." You feel awful that you can't always be the happy and healthy daughter or son your parents will have hoped you would be.

Finally, and perhaps most significantly for me personally, Haig explains how he often would "build up hours and minutes like pounds and pence" and "would want 9am to be 10am. I would want the morning to be the afternoon. I would want the 22nd of September to be the 23rd of September". This is certainly something I have always done when going through a particularly bad patch of anxiety. I would count how many hours of the day I had already got through and how many more I still had to go. I would congratulate myself on making it through another day. I would think 'well, hey, at least I'm one day closer to this all being over.' It wasn't until I saw these thoughts written down in 'Reasons to Stay Alive' that I realised just how sad it was that I was simply 'getting through' life - rather than cherishing it and enjoying it. I wanted to instead see every minute as precious. I knew something had to change.

From falling, to rising, to being.

At no point in the book does Matt Haig try and turn the whole affair into fluffy clouds and unicorns. He says things how they are. He presents the reality. Yet he gives hope; he writes about how to cope and how to move forward. One of my favourite quotes from the book which gives me such a sense of hope is this: "Your mind is a galaxy. More dark than light. But the light makes it worthwhile... You are moving through that galaxy. Wait for the stars." I love this so much that I have it written on the wall by my bed and it is my pinned tweet on twitter ahaha! 

Haig gives suggestions of activities or thoughts that have helped him, such as yoga: "I was a yogaphobe, but am now a convert.", he suggests it's okay to be 'thin skinned': "Because we are here to feel", he points out how one can "walk through a storm and feel the wind but you are not the wind"... "You are the observer of your mind, not its victim". Gems like this are so, so helpful. I try to replace the negative thoughts with positive ones like this.

What would Matt Haig do?

I have learned and gained an awful lot from reading this book. So much so, that I have found myself in situations that would usually make me anxious and - instead of reacting in the way I usually would - I think to myself: 'What would Matt Haig do?' For example, a couple of months ago I was sat in the waiting room at the hairdressers and really needed the loo. Anyone else in this position would simply get up and ask a member of staff where the bathroom was - without even thinking about it. I however, did not. Anxiety kicked in and I started thinking... 'Why didn't I use the toilet before I came? I'm such an idiot, why didn't I see this was going to happen? What if they think I'm weird for asking to use the bathroom? What if just as I stand up, the receptionist goes off to do something else and I'm left standing looking stupid? What if the hairdresser comes to get me and I'm on the toilet instead of in the waiting room? Will they think I've gone and just get the next person? What if I get locked inside the bathroom and can't get out? What if it's dirty and dark? But if I don't go now I'll be sat in discomfort the whole time I'm having my hair cut. What if it gets to the point that I'm so desperate that I get out of the chair WHILST she's cutting my hair? What if I wet myself? I'd never be able to be seen here again!' 

Yep. All this went through my head in the space of about a minute. But then I thought: No. What would Matt Haig say if he was here right now? I replied to myself: he would tell me to be brave to take the leap, to just do it! And so I counted down from 3 in my head. 3...2...1! And got out of my chair and walked over to the receptionist. I asked if there was a toilet that I could use, he said yes, and showed me where to go. He was so lovely and friendly and put a genuine smile on my face just by the way he spoke to me. Of course, the bathroom was fine! In fact it was more than fine; the walls were covered in happy, inspirational quotes which lifted my mood. You'll be pleased to know I didn't get locked in and I didn't miss my appointment..! This situation was so small and ridiculous, but to me it was a massive victory! I was waiting for everyone in the salon to stop what they were doing and applaud me for not giving in to my fears.

Just bloody read this book!

If you haven't already worked this out, I think you should read this book. Like I mentioned before, it doesn't matter if you don't have mental health problems - this book will help you to spot the signs if it ever does happen to you, and will educate you on how to support those who are going through it.

It's easy to read even if you're in the pit of depression as there are lots of very short chapters, and chapters that simply consist of bullets points etc. There are suggestions for further reading at the back, along with helpful contacts (such as Mind), and advice for seeking help for a mental health problem. 

Just do it, trust me.

Thanks so much for reading!

Love,

Katie xxx