Just Say Yes!

Hello!

Can you believe it is October?! Utter madness. We are now entering my favourite season of them all: Autumn. Happy days indeed.
I am back at University and am already stuck in to second year.
Another milestone worth mentioning is that on 19th September this blog turned two years old! I posted about it on facebook so some of you will have already seen but for the rest of you: thank you so much for reading, encouraging and supporting this blog! I said I would keep writing this until I stopped enjoying it and it is thanks to you that I am still LOVING it. You may also notice that the blog has now had a facelift... this is with huge thanks to my girl Beth (follow her on Instagram @faulknerbeth) who designed the new header. I hope you like it!

Right now let's get down to bizniz...

I wanted to talk about a shift in mindset that I have had recently.
The process started the week before I came back to Uni when I went for a night away with some of the other students from St Peter's in Brighton. At the start of our time together we were asked to go round and each say what our 'hope' for the coming year was. When it was my turn I said 'my hope is to not let fear get in the way of me taking new opportunities'. This was my hope because I felt that in my first year I said no to a lot of things because it all just felt so overwhelming. Mostly I think this was okay because you can't do everything! But also I feel there were missed opportunities that actually would have been good for me.

the view from the manor house we stayed in on the night away

So I came back to Uni and started the term. The first week was a bit of a struggle as I always find it hard to readjust. At the end of the week two opportunities came my way... one for the Saturday and one for the Sunday. Both times my automatic reaction was 'I'm going to have to say no, I can't do this. It's too much'. I made excuses in my mind about why I couldn't/shouldn't and tried to strategise ways to make the situations easier for me. In the past I would have let myself get away with this and either would have said no or would have said yes but spent the whole time stressing about it.

This time was different. This time I called myself out on it. I thought it's all very well 'hoping that I won't let fear get in the way of me taking up opportunities'  but I actually need to do something about it too! So I just said yes. I said yes to both opportunities and did my best to just let things happen; to not try and plan everything or second guess everything. And, guess what, it was all a-okay! I would have totally missed out had I said no and neither situation was as big of a deal as I had made them out to be in my head.

I think I often feel I need to protect myself due to my years of being ill... I got used to having to say no to everything because there was so much that I couldn't do and always held a fear of 'over doing it' and causing my body to break down even more than it already had. Now that I'm well I need to remind myself that I don't have to think like that anymore. It's both exciting and terrifying!

As with everything in life, this is about balance. Of course you can't say yes to everything because you do need to look after yourself and try to avoid burning out but equally if - like me - you know that sometimes your fears around taking new opportunities may not be worth saying no for then try just saying yes! And then deal with what happens when it happens rather than trying to work everything out beforehand. At the end of the day you can not protect yourself from everything and can't go through life avoiding things. It ain't the way Jesus wants us to live...

"I have come so that you may have life, and life in all its fullness." - John 10v10

And on that note, I'm going to leave it there! This post was just a quick reflection. Please do let me know if you have any 'yes' moments over the next few weeks - challenge yourself to say yes to a new opportunity every month and see how it goes. You may discover something amazing.

As always, thank you for reading! Don't forget you can follow the blog by clicking the blue button in the top left corner (if you can't see it, you need to click 'view web version' below!)

Love,

Katie xxx

A Survival Guide to Your First Year at University

Hello all!

As I write this, it is A Level results day. A massive congratulations to everyone who received their results today - especially my brother who absolutely smashed it! Another Ledden Legend is off to University. Look out Birmingham!

I've been thinking for a while that it might be a good idea to write a post with some #toptips for your first year at University. Having just finished mine, I feel in a good position to share some thoughts on things that have helped me.
I posted about this on Instagram a short a while ago to ask if any of my pals had any advice to add to the mix. A huge thanks to those of you who did! This post will be 100x more helpful with opinions other than just my own!

1. Be Yourself: this is my absolute number one piece of advice and therefore I have popped it at the start so that if you get bored and stop reading, at least you've read this bit haha! Before I went to Uni I made the conscious decision to try to stay true to who I am and what I believe in when I moved away. I knew that this would potentially mean I wouldn't make friends as quickly as other people but trusted that I would find my tribe in the end! On my second night at Uni, all my flatmates went on a night out and I went to church! I think they thought I was absolutely insane. The thing that I found though is that people respect you for having integrity and consistency from the start. Me being honest about the things I did or didn't want to do also seemed to help the people around me feel that they could do the same. Over time it helped me to create deeper and more honest relationships with my flatmates and others around me. Nathan backs this too and says that giving in to peer pressure or trying to live up to other people's expectations is never helpful and that - although Uni is a time for change and trying new things - you don't need to change who you are.

This is the first picture that was sent to our flat group chat. I left my flatmates a glass of water and a biccy for when they got back from their night out... establishing the Mumma Kates role from day one lol.

2. Freshers: the most important thing to remember about freshers is that it doesn't last long. If you're hating it - don't worry - it will be over soon! And if you're enjoying it then make the most of it and take every opportunity! Hannah says that freshers isn't for everyone but that there will be people with similar interests to you and suggests trying a few societies or SU events to meet people. Hannah also mentioned how making your room a sanctuary can be really helpful. I feel this is important for the whole year but particularly during freshers as it makes so much difference to have somewhere calm and homely to go back to if you need to escape the chaos of freshers! I especially advocate the use of cushions, fairy lights, and photos of happy memories. My final nugget of advice about freshers was given to me by my friend Becca before I went to Uni. She said not to worry if I wasn't having the *best* time straight away. It might take you a bit of time but that's okay!

my sanctuary

3. Friendships: I was really lucky that the people I clicked with straight away at Uni ended up being incredible friends for the whole year! I made lots more chums over the course of the year too which was so amazing. However, Charlotte says that it took her a long time to settle into a group of friends because the people she first clicked with ended up not being the nicest! I saw this happen to a couple of my flatmates too. Don't let this dishearten you if it happens to you! You will find your tribe eventually and it will be SO worth it when you do. Something so important is to keep links with your friends from home when you go away. It will help you to stay sane! Embracing the new when you go to Uni doesn't mean you need to let go of the old. Something that is also vital to bear in mind is to be willing to change your perceptions of people as they settle in and become more themselves. People you may not think you like at first can actually end up being absolute babes!

flatm8z

4. Homesickness: You are all in the same boat! As you will know if you've been reading my posts for a while, I really struggled with anxiety and homesickness when I first got to Uni. It was really isolating and lonely! However, over the year as I got to know people they all started to talk about how they had felt the same way when they first started but I had had no idea because everyone had hidden it so well! I was worried to show how I was feeling because I didn't want people's first impressions of me to be that I was some miserable ball of mess. Maybe if I had felt able to speak about it, this would have allowed others to do the same and we could have supported each other through that tricky patch. I think if you're feeling homesick it's important to just look after yourself and go easy on yourself. Leaving home and starting University is one of the hardest things you will ever do so it is okay to not be okay straight away!

5. Be a tourist in your own city: This top tip comes from Barney. I love this advice! I've done my best this year to explore Brighton but I still have a huuuuge list of things I want to do and places I want to see in the city and surrounding area. Going exploring together can be a great way of getting to know housemates and coursemates and it's always a good idea to speak to locals to get the inside info on all the best spots! As Barney says, there are often loads of cool things to see/do that are free! Which is always a bonus on a student budget. Before you go to Uni, how about googling what the best things to do in your new city are?

being a tourist in b'town

6. Church!: I've talked quite a lot on here about the incredibly significant difference that being part of a church community made for me whilst at Uni. St Peter's in Brighton became my home from home and the place where I met the most amazing people. Barney and Nathan agree with me! They are at Uni in different cities but both said about how helpful trying out a church can be. Barney specifically mentioned how churches are sick places to make friends and get free food. I can personally back this statement 100%. 

church = making pals, partying, karaoke, drinking prosecco 

7. Community: Tam sent a message in about the importance of community when you go to Uni. I think she speaks some wise words! She says that getting stuck into a solid community - whether it's a a choir, sports team, society, or church - can help you to feel a part of something bigger than yourself and to stop you feeling isolated and alone. Tam believes this is the key to getting settled into your new Uni life and feeling happy and fulfilled.

8. Organisation: I personally feel that using a diary to keep track of your timetable, deadlines, and social events is crucial to avoiding unnecessary stress at Uni! Plan your time and try to keep on top of your workload. If you get work done as soon after it's given to you as possible then you avoid the mad stress as you come up to a deadline - you don't know what else could crop up at that time. Also, little post it notes are your best friends.

9. Don't worry if you can't do everything!: It can be tempting to try and take absolutely every opportunity offered to you when you get to University but you don't want to burn yourself out! Just take on what you feel you can manage and don't be afraid to say no if you start feeling overwhelmed. You have at least 3 years to live the Uni life - you don't have to cram it all in to your first year.

10. Owl gals: The final piece of advice comes from Sarah who says; "You'll meet crazy owl lovers on your first day at Uni, hold onto those gals and love 'em like crazy cos they are queeeens". I have a funny feeling she might be talking about me specifically... so this may not apply to you lol.

I love you Sarah, mate

I hope that wasn't too much information to digest and that you've found it helpful! Please feel free to message me if you want to chat about starting Uni. If you've already been to Uni and have some different advice, comment below so other people can benefit from it! If you want to know what first year is like in a nutshell, this is Mella's take on it: "1st year = freshers then it's shit and then it gets better."

Thank you for reading and a massive extra thank you to Hannah, Barney, Charlotte, Nathan, Becca, Tam, Mella, and Sarah for your contributions! 

Love,

Katie xxx

P.S. If you would like to you can follow my blog by clicking the blue 'follow' button in the top left corner (if you can't see it, you need to click on 'view web version' below).

Letting Go.

First thing's first... how have you been? It's been a busy old couple of months for me! In summary, it has been spent working (childminding) and rehearsing - and then performing - a show. In amongst that, I popped back to Brighton for a couple of days, went to a George Ezra gig in the rain, became a godmother, went to lots of yoga classes, celebrated family birthdays, and spent time enjoying the sun with my pals.

Overall however, the biggest thing for me has definitely been the show. It was all that seemed to consume my waking thoughts (and my nightmares) for a good few weeks!
Through everything though, this seems to have been a running theme...

"God has already worked out what you're worried about"

As you will know if you've been reading Katie's Corner for a while, I am very good at worrying. I'd go as far to say I'm an expert in the field. In fact, if worry was an Olympic sport I reckon I'd be top of the podium every time. I am trying my best all the time to be less good at it and some recent events have shown me I may be going in the right direction...

A major part of this has been learning to recognise when situations are outside of my control. I have this attitude that if I want something to happen I need to do everything in my power to make it happen. This is an attribute which can be great sometimes - there are lots of achievements in my life which I can put down to this determination and hard work. However, sometimes it can be the worst way to go about things. When something in life is outside of my control yet I'm still desperately trying to make it happen - stress levels can start to shoot up. Something I've been working on recently is to spot when this is the case and to instead 'hand the situation over' to God and to trust that things will come together.

A key example of this was during the process of preparing for the show I was in: Kiss Me Kate. To be honest, even the fact that I was in this show was a miracle in itself. They say that 'when we make plans, God laughs' and that's certainly how it felt when I first got back from Uni. My main plan for the first part of the summer fell through but before I could start getting too stressed about it - I was offered the opportunity to play the leading lady in one of the best musicals ever written. Umm YES PLEASE. He knew there was a better offer ready for me. 

Despite this role being a huge blessing for me, it certainly came with its fair share of hurdles to get over! The main one being that fact that we had two actors drop out of the part of the leading man... The first one dropped out after just one rehearsal and the next fella to be cast pulled out before even turning up to one! I tried not to take it personally - but maybe they did catch sight of who they had to snog and were having none of it haha! Although I can hardly blame them... this hat was quite something!

As you can imagine, this was a stressful time for everyone involved. Would we find someone to play Fred in time for the show? Could the show even go ahead?

In true Katie style, I tried to do everything I could in order to calm myself down about the situation - mainly messaging all my male musical theatre friends to ask them the huge favour of stepping in. It got to the point, however, when I had to face up to the fact that this wasn't working. There was no more I could do. Whenever I begun to feel worry creep in I prayed. I prayed that God would have it under control and that the right person would be found. I trusted that God would not just hand me this opportunity and then leave me hanging. And, against the odds, it all came together in the nick on time.

In the end, our female director stepped in and learnt this incredibly challenging part in about 10 days. When I was first told that this was the plan, I didn't feel hugely optimistic about it. Not because I didn't believe she could do it but because Kiss Me Kate (based on Shakespeare's 'The Taming of the Shrew') has got to be one of the most sexist stories ever written. I worried that having a woman play the misogynistic male lead would take away from some of the more shocking and satirical elements of the play. 

I needn't have worried. 

If anything, Maddie's portrayal of Fred only highlighted these themes, the ridiculousness of a patriarchal society, and the comedic moments of Fred and Lilli (Kate)'s story. In the words of the first song in the show "One week, will it ever be right? Then out of the hat it's that big first night!"

To top everything off, the show received a fab review and Evie (who played Lois/Bianca) 'vlogged' the week - watch it here!

#icons

This is just one example of the many times in life where I find myself trying to work out the balance between doing everything I can to make something work out or taking a step back and simply doing nothing.  This can be anything from waiting for a text back (story of my life lol) to applying for Uni accommodation... you have to do your bit but at the end of the day you cannot control what happens on the other end. For me, what I do in these 'do nothing' moments is pray but I know that a lot of you reading this won't share my faith. That is absolutely fine - this still applies to you! Learning to accept these moments will massively reduce anxiety in your life. 

I am by no means suggesting that I have this down; it's something I'm constantly aware of and need to continue working on. Let's support each other when we're stressing out by asking 'Is there anything more you can do to help this situation?' if the answer is no then it's time to calm down and stick on an episode of Queer Eye or something!

Thank you so much for reading. Please let me know your thoughts and if you have any #toptips to share.

If you would like to you can follow my blog by clicking the blue 'follow' button in the top left corner (if you can't see it, you need to click on 'view web version' below).

Love,

Katie xxx

You're Killing It!!!

It's been a while, crocodiles! How are you all?

This is me living my BEST life at the church Hawaiian themed karaoke night... yep that's a thing.
I hope you are feeling just as passionate about life as I was here.
📸 @hannah_rothwell

The months of April and May have been action packed and so I come bearing much news which I shall now birth...

Birthday Bashin'

Since we last spoke my brother turned 18 and I turned 20! I can't quite believe that my (not so) little bro is an adult and that I am officially not a teen but am now in my twenties?!!? What the actual HECK.

Matt's 18th was a super fun time as we had most of the fam over for celebrations and I was back from Uni for the Easter hols just in time!

If you can't be your weird self with your family then when can you be?

Not long after it was time for my anniversary of birth. I had a lovely birthday morning with my family and Darcy (who is basically part of the family lol) 

Just hangin' out with an honorary Ledden

It was then time to head off to London with my girl Kathers! We were hitting the capital to watch the musical Hamilton in London's West End. We booked the tickets for this show nearly two whole years ago!!! So it had been a long time coming and we were beyond excited. We had a lovely dinner and then headed to the Victoria Palace Theatre to watch the show. Because we have been hardcore fans for a couple of years we were both slightly concerned that the show wouldn't live up to our VERY high expectations however we needn't have worried. It was incredible. Absolutely mind-blowingly spectacularly incredible. We laughed and we cried and when we came out we just wanted to turn around and go and watch the whole thing again!

Two very happy beans. And shoutout to the couple in the background who are rocking the selfie game.

Adventure Plus

My birthday was actually only a very small part of a suuuuper mad week. I was back working with the organisation Adventure Plus working as an Enabler to the same girl with whom I worked last Summer. She is completely blind and partially deaf and yet this does by no means define her. She is also funny, brave, strong willed and talented. Similar to last time, working with her was both incredibly tough and draining (and I'd even say traumatic at times) but it was also very rewarding. I even learnt how to do hair braids which was fun and she loved the feel of them in her hair!

braille and bushcraft 

Back in the saddle! 

When I went to Uni I couldn't wait to dive straight in to all things Musical Theatre as it is such a huge part of who I am and I didn't think I could cope without it. However, it just hasn't happened! Mainly because I haven't had the time or energy for it due to being on such a full-on course. Therefore I was itching to get back in the saddle as soon as I got home!

I auditioned for the show 'Anything Goes' with the theatre company RicNic in between finishing the week with A+ and heading back to Brighton. It's more than fair to say that the dance part of the audition was an utter shambles but I managed to give myself a pep talk and clawed it back with the singing.... and I got the part! I am playing Hope Harcourt from 22nd-25th August!

Tickets are now on sale: here!

I was then approached a couple of weeks ago with the offer of another lead role in a different musical!!! I couldn't BE-LIEEEVE it. I went from an MT drought to landing two musicals in one hit. I will be playing Kate in Kiss Me Kate with DIY Theatre from 20th-21st July. Buy yo' tickets here!

I could not be happier and hope you'll all come and support myself and the rest of the cast/crew in these shows - it's going to be a blast.

Placement = the best and worst

After this crazy exhausting week it was time to head back down to Brighton to begin a 5 week block of placement. This turned out to be one of the best and hardest things I've ever done. I was so blessed with the school and class in which I was placed: I was welcomed with open arms and fell in love with each of the children in my class. My life began to revolve around them, their welfare, and how I could do everything in my power to nurture them and help them to progress and learn. 

There were a few very low moments - mainly due to the pure exhaustion. Name another 20 year old who can accidentally fall asleep at 7pm on a Friday night...! Not only was the physical effort of the experience hard, but also the emotional side of it. Some of the situations those children were in were truly heartbreaking and it could be both incredibly frustrating and sad to witness. I can honestly say that one of the things this placement taught me was to be more grateful for the wonderful start in life that I was able to have - not everyone is so lucky.

A real highlight of placement was taking part in the Brighton Children's Parade. The theme this year was art and so each school was given a famous painting to re-create - our school was given the Michelangelo painting from the Sistene Chapel. This may be me being bias but I genuinely think ours was one of the best!

Just chillin' with Adam and getting my scalp burnt...

Some of the teachers carried our masterpiece whilst the children wore cherub wings and we all sported our hand-decorated t-shirts which had glitter trumpets and harps on them!

When I begun my teacher training I did not foresee that I would spend hours after school slaving over cherub wings or papier-machéing God's hands. My job after the parade was to carry God's head through Brighton and back to the school.... now that's I sentence I never thought I'd say! 

Finishing placement was incredibly emotional. I had invested so much of myself into their little lives and their achievements, developments, and targets. It was so hard saying goodbye and knowing I may not see them again or find out how they get on. The staff and kids got really upset too which was hard to see but also showed me that I had made an impact on them as well as them making an impact on me.

I am blessed to have walked away from that school having learnt so much.

#DarcAndKatesTakeBrighton

Since before I moved to Brighton Darcy has been saying she would come and visit me and  - just as I was about to leave - our dreams were made a reality. I miss this girl so much that it physically HURTS so it was amazing to spend 3 days wrapped up in her wonderful company. It was also super fun for me to be her personal tour guide and to do all the touristy things together which I usually wouldn't get a chance to do. We explored the Laines, the Pavillion gardens, the Pier, ate a picnic on the beach, rented bikes and cycled to the Hove beach huts and managed to avoid a seagull attack! We enjoyed a couple of meals out and went back to my flat each evening to watch some Call the Midwife because that's how these two crazy chicks roll babaaay.

Day 1 of our adventures was the same day as Prince Hazza and Megs got hitched so we rocked these paper crowns all day looonng.

Day two resulted in us both getting HANGRY after our bike ride and shopping trip. This is a face of pure joy. 

A cheeky pit-stop on our mission to find the beach huts.

Home sweeeeeet home!

I can not believe that I am now a third of the way through my University experience! ABSOLUTE MADNESS. I think I'll probs do a post specifically about 1st year: my reflections and any advice I have for those of you who are heading off to Uni this year.

I am loving being back home (although I am heading back to B'ton next week for a few days lol). It has been great to catch up with chums and family alike and to get back to work  - I have missed my babies like maaaad! 

No Media May

The final thing to update you on is that I decided to do No Media May again this year. You may remember my two posts on it last year: Quitting Social Media and Life Offline. Go and have a read if you haven't already! This year was an equal success and was extra good because two friends decided to join me! Jo and Tam joined the team and we all learnt a lot from it. Taking a break from comparing your life with others is so refreshing and becoming more present in the moment is equally good for the soul. I will definitely do this again next year and encourage you to have a go too!

You're Killing It!!!

The past couple of months have had quite a few 'I can't do this' moments. Even now that I'm home I still feel quite anxious about life in general and all my plans I have coming up. However, writing this post has reminded me of what I have achieved - several of those things are things I thought I wouldn't be able to do. My diary has the words 'You're Killing It!!!' written on the front and it is a reminder that I am doing a relatively good job at this life thing. With God's grace and faithfulness I can do bloody anything.

Here's to the summer and everything we are all about to achieve! I just want to tell you (yes, YOU) that you too are KILLING IT and that I have faith in you. Whether you're mid-exam season or just having a Netflix binge, you are fabulous and so, so loved. Keep doing you, boo.

Many thanks as always for taking the time to read this. And thank you for your patience whilst I've been on placement and offline! 

If you wish to, please follow Katie's Corner by clicking the blue 'follow' button in the top left corner (if you can't see it, you need to click on 'view web version' below).

Love,

Katie xxx

I'm a feminist, but...

Last summer I discovered the wonderful world of podcasts. Right from when I started exploring the variety of podcasts on offer, 'The Guilty Feminist' has been by far my favourite. As said at the start of each episode it is: "the podcast in which we explore our noble goals as 21st century feminists and the hypocrisies and insecurities which undermine them". It is very much a comedic show yet each episode tackles an important topic and it can often be quite emotional or challenging. Each episode starts with a segment called 'I'm a feminist but' before moving on to the main discussion. This entails each person on the panel admitting something that they do/think that undermines their feminist values.

These are some examples from the show:

• "I'm a feminist but some days my life wouldn't pass the Bechtel test..."
• "I'm a feminist but when I want something from my husband I ask for it in a little baby voice..."
• "I'm a feminist but although I think cat-calling is disgusting and wrong, if someone shouts 'hey sexy!' I think both: 'that's awful!' and 'still got it!'"
• "I'm a feminist but my favourite apple is the Pink Lady..."
• "I'm a feminist but I think I would feel safer in the hands of a male police officer or fireman than a female one..."

As you can see, these are often very trivial and silly but sometimes they can really highlight some prejudices that a lot of us have (for example, the one about the emergency services).

Listening to this podcast has opened my eyes to a lot of issues facing women in this day and age and what I can do to help promote equality. It also helps me to keep myself 'in check' as I definitely get it wrong a lot of the time!

Here are some of my "I'm a feminist but"s...

• I often think that it should be the man to ask a woman out as that is simply the way things should be (in reality, I don't believe this, it's just that I don't have the confidence to do it myself!).
• If I haven't shaved my legs in a while I think 'look what a great feminist I am! I don't shave for nobody!" when in fact it is killing me that they aren't smooth but I'm just too lazy to do it.
• If I am incapable of opening something (i.e. a jam jar) I will automatically try to find the nearest male to help me - rather than a woman.
• I get REALLY annoyed when I hear a man make a comment which objectifies a woman or refers only to her looks  (e.g. 'she's fit!') but I do exactly the same when talking to my friends about men...

Quite clearly, I am not writing this post to 'preach' to anyone or to try and look like I always get it right because I definitely don't! I really believe that feminism is a journey that both men and women are on. We all have more to do.

Can feminism benefit men too?

A very common misconception of feminism is that it is the belief that women are superior to men. In fact, feminism is simply the belief than men and women are equal. For this reason, we as women need to accept the less attractive outcomes of this as well as the positive ones. For example, I need to be brave and ask someone out if I want to instead of waiting for them to do it, and speaking of dates, 'rules' such as men always paying the bill are just out-of-date now that women have paid work too (although this would be easier if there WASN'T THE GENDER PAY GAP FFS!). Whilst we're on the topic of the gender pay gap, it came out this week that Claire Foy was paid less for her role in The Crown than her male counterpart Matt Smith. I'll just let that sink in... he had a smaller role... she was paid LESS for doing MORE. Aside from this, she was literally breast feeding a newborn in between takes aka. she did two jobs at once because she is a BOSS. SHE WAS THE CROWN. Soz, rant over lol.

Feminism benefits men in other ways too. It works to break down the stereotypes that affect both men and women. For example, it works to lessen the idea that women are always the damsel in distress who needs to be saved by a prince or superhero, but also works the other way. Men shouldn't always be told they have to be the hero. Boys grow up being told that to cry is a sign of weakness, that they have to be tough all the time. This is in fact incredibly damaging. Indeed, according to the Samaritans' suicide statistics report from 2017, male rates are consistently higher than female suicide rates across the UK and Republic of Ireland – most notably 5 times higher in Republic of Ireland and around 3 times in the UK. Arguably, this is because men do not feel they can be open about how they are feeling and feel that to show they are struggling is to show weakness. By putting men and women on a level playing field, feminism aims to help men feel safe in opening up and gives permission for them to not always be 'the tough guy'.

Is sexism even still a thing?

I have heard many people argue that we don't really need feminism anymore, or that men and women are equal now so what's the point? I would definitely argue against this! Firstly, the gender pay gap I mentioned earlier is no myth. In fact, there is a database on the Government website in which you can search for any business to find out what the pay gap is. This is the link so you can go and have a look; it's very interesting! Out of interest, I looked up the company that my Dad works for. He works for O2 which is now owned by Telefonica. The results that came back for Telefonica UK showed that women working there earn an average of 18.6% lower than men! This is a really significant amount and is a lot more than I thought it would be! And at Brighton University where I study, it is just over 14%. 

Along with this big scale sexism, we still have a big problem of more subtle - but perhaps equally damaging - 'everyday sexism'. This manifests itself in things such as catcalling. I had an experience of this last year which really made me think. I was walking to work (which was childminding a 2 year old girl) and happened to walk past a pub. There was a group of middle aged men sat by the window who began to knock on the glass, shout at me, and make obscene gestures. I'm pretty sure one of them pulled his trousers down but I didn't stick around to find out. As I walked away, I at first thought the usual things I think when stuff like that happens such as: 'well that was uncomfortable', 'they are just losers to be at a pub, drinking in the middle of the day and shouting at young women', 'just ignore them, it's not worth it.' But then I thought 'HANG ON A SEC. I am on my way to look after a little girl. An amazing little girl who should not have to grow up in a world where she is subjected to such objectification and has derogatory slurs shouted at her as she goes about her business. It is worth it. It is worth speaking up and speaking out.' 

A friend of mine recently experienced some everyday sexism when she tried to apply for a job. She has given me permission to share this story but I won't give any details away. Basically, she wanted to apply for a job as a kitchen assistant in one of our favourite coffee shops in Brighton. However, when she went in to hand in her CV and an application, the man at the counter laughed and said "A pretty thing like you shouldn't be in the kitchen!" He then called in to the chef who was in the kitchen, saying "This pretty thing wants to work in the kitchen!" The chef then laughed right at her too. Now, bear in mind, that the friend I am referring to was overqualified for the job as she has been a chef in the past but wanted a kitchen assistant job whilst at Uni just to earn some money. I was outraged when she told me this later that day. It had left her feeling shocked and embarrassed and completely indignant! There is no doubt that - had she been male - her looks would not have had any effect over her chances of getting the job and such a disrespectful comment would not have been made. This is the sort of sexism that happens to women all the time and is often overlooked by men or seen as 'playful banter' or 'not too bad'. But it hurts and it wears you down.

Watch your language!

Something which I think has a huge impact on both institutional sexism and the subtleties of everyday sexism is our language. For example, two phrases which I hear around me all the time are 'man up!' and 'grow a pair!' Both men and women alike use these phrases and the majority of the time there is no sexist intention behind it at all! However, I believe it is language like this which shapes our view of men and women: their value and their position. We grow up surrounded by these phrases and have them contrasted with phrases such as 'run like a girl' or 'cry like a girl' which are used as insults. Our language totally paints the picture that men are strong and women are weak. 

Recently, I set myself the challenge to really watch my language in this sense. If you have been reading this blog for a while you may have noticed that I've said things like "so I just womaned up and did it". This helps me to get my perspective straight: I don't need to become more 'man-like' in order to achieve the things I want to in life. I just need to be the best version of ME. Perhaps the most feminist way of using language would be to leave gender out of it and to say things like 'toughen up', but until men and women are seen more equally I think I'm going to keep purposely saying 'woman' in this context to show my belief in the strength of women. 

Work in progress

I know I don't get it right all the time when it comes to feminism. I often make assumptions or generalisations based on gender but I'm trying! And I will keep trying! I find it a bit ironic that I am training to be a primary school teacher and sing on the side whilst my brother is going to be studying computer science and plays squash on the side. We def fulfill some stereotypes lol. But not all of them!

I would encourage you - be you a man or a woman - to join me in my 'trying'. Let's all try to treat each other fairly, to not write anyone off based on their gender, and to always #fightthepatriarchy.

I will leave you with this because it's freakin' hilarious... On International Women's Day this year, thousands of people took to twitter to indignantly ask the question: "but when is International Men's Day?!" In response to this, Richard Herring sent many a tweet informing these people of the date of the official International Men's Day. I think you'll agree that it is absolute gold. Even better than this, he used the attention he was getting to highlight the JustGiving page of a refuge charity for women and children escaping abuse. Legend.

Thank you so much for reading! Please do comment/get in touch if you have any thoughts on this topic. I am always open to discussion!

Love,

Katie xxx

I don't know what to call this...

Hello March!

Well, it has certainly been a while since I sat down to write a blog post. I really miss it when I haven't written one for a few weeks and got so excited when I realised I might have time to this weekend haha! February was a bit of a crazy month: a lot went down. I have a feeling I'm going to cover a lot of ground in this post as a lot has been going on and I have several things on my mind which I want to chat about.

Girl, where have you beeeeeen?

The past month has been pretty full on when it comes to Uni. I have started placement and have had lots of assignment deadlines sneaking up on me alongside that. 

I absolutely love my course but it has shown me just how hard it is to be a teacher and opened my eyes to things I'd never really thought about; for this reason I was super nervous about starting placement. I honestly just started thinking 'I really don't know if I'm cut out for this?!' So far, however, I am loving it! It feels so good to be back working with children and to start to put the theory that we've been learning into practice. The school I have been placed at is so, so lovely, my class teacher is fab and super supportive, and I have my friend Ruby as my placement partner! So I really have nothing to complain about. Something I have found challenging is hearing about some of the situations the children have come from. Some of the things that are going on in the lives of children in our schools is utterly heartbreaking. I know that this is something I will have to cope with throughout my career and I feel it may be something I am going to struggle with at times. I was thinking about this last week and came to the conclusion that I have to focus on the things that I can control and not get too upset about what I can't control. As a teacher, those children will be in my care for the majority of their hours awake in a day. I will do all I can to look after them, teach them, encourage them, support them, and build them up in that time. Whatever may be going on in the rest of their lives, I can at least make that part of their day safe and happy.

Assignments are the other part of my life at the moment. It's just one after the other at the moment. But the end is in sight! My last assignment for 1st year is due at the end of the month! I cannot wait to be free from the stress of it. So far I've done well in all of the ones I have got back so am praying that continues! This is the main reason why I haven't been able to write any blog posts: no one feels like sitting down to type after a long day of doing just that!

me rn (if u don't think the parent trap is the best film ever then we can't be friends, soz)

Snow!

Before Christmas, snow descended upon much of the nation but did not touch Brighton at all! At the time I was very jealous and wanted to be experiencing the festive magic here too. My prayers seem to have been answered... a couple of months late. Along with the rest of the UK, the snow hit us on Monday this week. Ruby and I had a nightmare getting to placement - only for the school to then shut! It was all quite a fun adventure though, I must say. We walked home through the woods and felt like we were in Narnia; I kept expecting Mr Tumnus to pop out from behind a tree to invite us round for tea.

Last week I took the picture on the left whilst walking home from Uni and I posted something on Instagram about how excited I was that Spring was upon us... sorry guys, it would seem that I jinxed it for us all. My bad. The picture on the right was taken on the walk back from placement on Monday.

Today it seems to be warming up and the snow is melting so perhaps winter is finally on its way out???

ya gal livin' dat eskimo lyfe lol

M.E and Me

Something which I have documented on this blog is my health journey; from my M.E and Me post in which I explained the condition and how it had affected my life over the past 6 years (please do go and read that if you haven't already as it is so important for me to raise awareness of this illness!), to my It's a new life for me... post a year later in which I described my journey to recovery. Since then I have had the occasional symptom crop up but generally have been a healthy bean. However, over the past couple of weeks I have felt these symptoms really creep back in to my life which has consequentially sent me into a state of panic. I honestly cannot put into words just how terrifying this is and how much it plays on my mind once I start worrying about it. I spent the first half of last week just thinking ' I cannot go through this again', 'what if I have to drop out of Uni or can't handle placement', 'I don't think I could cope with being in that much pain' etc. NOT HELPFUL THOUGHTS. The truth is that it's been about 9 years since I was 100% fit and healthy so I don't really remember what it is like to be 'normal'. Even though I'm well, I don't have the same stamina as my peers. Therefore, I can't tell if this is M.E on its way back or if others are feeling like this and it's just because of starting placement and assignment stress that I'm feeling so run down.

The end of this week has been a bit better so I'm staying positive! I know that worrying about it will only make it worse and will quite possibly send me into a pit of despair! So I am choosing to trust God, to look after myself, and to keep up my LP exercises which can really help. Prayer for this would be super appreciated, thanks!

Putting it into perspective

Yesterday I had a D I S A S T E R of a morning. Firstly, I went to submit an assignment and could not find it anywhere!!! It wasn't even on my list of 'recent documents' on Word, despite the fact I had been working on it on Friday evening. I then needed to go to ASDA but missed the bus because it was early! When has a bus ever been early?!?! I literally ran for it but the driver left me there *cries*. I therefore had to wait in the cold for 20 minutes until the next one came. Needless to say, I was pretty mad. I rang my Dad like 'everything is going wrong!'. You will, however, be pleased to hear that I got my shopping and when I got home managed to find my assignment (it was in some really obscure folder... no idea how it got there!).

In the evening, I volunteered for the first time at Safehaven which is a meal and short service at St Peter's Church for members of the street community. Brighton has the highest level of homelessness of anywhere in the UK, outside of London. For this reason, opportunities like this for these people to come into the warm to be fed and to be loved is so vital. I was inspired by the way it was done: we set out tables of about eight and we served the food at the tables like in a restaurant (no queuing up like at a soup kitchen). Every guest was greeted like an old friend and I especially enjoyed washing up with 80s tunes on full blast! I definitely want to help out again and would encourage anyone in Brighton to come along if you fancy it. Building community is so important and there is a heck of a lot you can learn from conversation with people you wouldn't usually talk to.  

Safehaven really put into perspective what had been going on in the rest of my day... who cares that I missed my bus?! I am so blessed to have a roof over my head and to always have plenty to eat. I definitely take this for granted and need to pause every now and then to thank God for his provision!

Other things on my mind...

Honestly, so much has happened since we last spoke! Some highlights include: the student weekend away, securing a house for 2nd (very stressful so am pleased it is sorted!), went to see War Horse at the theatre with my pal Sarah, galentines celebrations with some of my top gals, and a visit from the fam including a trip to a Rend Collective gig. 

Student weekend away, beach trip with Steph, War Horse with Meeten

Aside from my own life, there have been some bigger things on my mind as well. For example, the school shooting in Florida has got me thinking about a lot of things. I feel like it is too big of an issue to address as part of a wider post but I'm thinking about writing specifically about this at some point.
I've also been thinking about the fact that my brother and a lot of my friends are going to heading off to Uni this September. I'm wondering if it might be quite fun to make a video for this blog of 'a week in the life of a University student'... a 'vlog' if you will. Nothing can really prepare you for the transition to Uni life but it could perhaps give some of you who are about to embark on this adventure a bit of an insight into what to expect. Let me know if this is something you would like to see!


Thank you so much for reading and feel free to 'follow' this blog if ya fancy.

Much love,
Katie xxx 

'Nothing is Too Hard...'

✻

"Mum, it's happened again!" I sob down the phone. "I feel broken, I can't do this."

"Katie, you are so strong" she replies.

"But I don't feel strong!" I cry back.

It is my second day back at University after the Christmas break and anxiety has hit me. It has hit me hard. I can barely eat anything without throwing it straight back up, my heart rate is ridiculously high considering I'm just sat down, and the thought of leaving my room or talking to anyone is almost too much to bear.

I can't stop thinking 'why is this happening again?!' Before Christmas I was loving Uni and had been looking forward to coming back, so how come I now feel like an empty shell of a person who wants nothing more than to go home?

✻

That first week back was so, so tough. Every single movement was a battle, every attempt to eat was a battle, my mind felt like a raging war-zone. Even though I have been through this in the past and have come through the other side, when you're in that place it feels like it is never going to stop. It is scary to be so out of control of both your body and mind. 

I am so grateful for all the people who helped me through that week. My flatmates - bless their hearts - came and sat with me whilst I cried, brought me cups of tea, and Milly donated breadsticks as she thought they might be something that I could keep down. My parents and friends from home were always on the end of the phone when I needed them even when I was mid-panic and couldn't really speak. My coursemates were on hand for hugs and pep-talks and tissues when needed. And the real heroes... Netflix for putting all 10 series of Friends online. GOD BLESS THOSE SIX CRAZY PPL THEY GOT ME THROUGH LOL.

Fight the stigma, baby!

Despite all this amazing support and my best efforts, I was still feeling awful so headed off to the GP and I am very glad I did (shout out to Dr. Angela, you babe). After crying to her that I knew I wasn't but I felt like I was dying, she calmed me down, gave me some advice and prescribed some more medication which has been really helpful at getting my heart rate and blood pressure back down to normal. I can't help but feel a bit of shame that I have to be on medication for mental health problems and so was not overjoyed at first to be given more. I know this is so stupid because I wouldn't feel ashamed to be on antibiotics or if I had diabetes and needed insulin. Unfortunately there is still such a strong stigma around mental health and - even though I experience these illnesses - I still find myself affected by the stigma. I feel passionate about it however, and that's why I am sharing all this so publicly. No one should have to feel ashamed about having an illness of the brain like they wouldn't feel ashamed about an illness of another organ. 

Nothing is Too Hard for the Lord

This year I am trying the Bible in One Year app which is like an audiobook bible reading and commentary for everyday of the year. So far I am really enjoying it! Nicky Gumbel does the commentary parts and he's so good, everything he says makes so much sense! Anyways, the reason I am mentioning this is because on one of the days when I was really struggling, I found myself crumpled on my floor in front of my open wardrobe. I was meant to be choosing what to wear that day but even that seemed too much to handle. I had the BIOY for the day playing and as I was lying there, Matthew 6:25-7:23 came on. It said "Do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear." The context of this verse is more in terms of provision, but it really spoke to me as those were the exact things I was worrying about! I was worrying about whether I would physically be able to eat, I was worrying about my body and my health, and I had collapsed to the floor because I couldn't cope with the tiny decision of what to wear! Hearing those words honestly gave me the strength to stand up and keep fighting. I knew God was there with me and would carry me through. The title of that days readings was 'Nothing is Too Hard for the Lord'. When the world feels like it is crashing down around us and we know we don't have the strength to cope ourselves, God is always bigger and will always provide.

Looking up

Once a full week back at Uni and the emotional time of H'Auntie's funeral was over, I started to feel a lot better. It felt that during that second week my body was starting to respond to all my efforts. I started eating a lot better and coped with situations such as an assessed presentation and essay deadlines, and celebrating my flatmates birthday. I am now enjoying an inter-semester break back home which has been simply HEAVENLY. Although I only have one day left before I head back to Btown on Thursday. Over this week-or-so back home I have got lots of Uni work and gone back to my childminding jobs but I have also spent lots of time with family and friends - including a trip to Romsey to stay with my friends Nik and Heidi and their gorgeous baby Emilia and mad dog Winston! I have been to see The Greatest Showman (and am consequently obsessed with the soundtrack), I have gone pottery painting, I have booked tickets to see George Ezra in July with my bff Darcy...I feel refreshed and renewed in a lot of ways but slightly apprehensive that the same thing may happen again when I go back...

The rainbow after the storm. (You can appreciate why I miss home when this is the view from my bedroom!)

However, I am doing all I can to prepare. I am using my LP 'brain rehearsal' techniques, the Headspace meditation app, and have a counselling session booked for once I get back. Better than all this however, I am heading off again on Friday evening for a weekend away with the other students from church. From previous experience, spending time being filled with the holy spirit is 100x more effective than any drug or therapy session. 💖

Do not suffer in silence

I just want to say that if any of this has resonated with you in any way, please speak to someone about it. I can't tell you the amount of people who, when I've felt brave enough to mention my struggles with mental health, have said "Me too!". I posted something about this on my Instagram when this particular episode kicked off and several people messaged me to say thank you for sharing that because it helped them knowing they weren't alone. It is scary for me to open up but it is worth it if it helps others. I recently listened to a podcast which said that when experiencing suffering we should stop saying "Why me?" but instead should be asking "How can I use this for good?". Not only will it help you to talk about what you're thinking/feeling but you might just be able to help someone else too. Feel free to message me if you don't know who to turn to. I'm always happy to chat and offer any advice or words of comfort that I can.

As always, many thanks for reading this post!

Love,

Katie xxx

(P.S. don't forget that if you have a Google account you can 'follow' my blog by clicking the blue button in the top left-hand corner)

New Year or Just Another Day?

As if this phrase weren't already overused... 'another year over, a new one just begun'.

A few days ago we waved 'farewell' to 2017 and said 'hey there' to 2018.
As with every year, 2017 had its high points and its low points - most of which have already been documented on this blog! I'm sure that the year ahead too will come with its blessings and its battles.

I'm never quite sure how I feel about the whole 'New Year' thing. I think it just depends where my head is at at the time. For example, about three years ago, I was feeling incredibly low and so found myself feeling frustrated by people with the attitude that New Years meant a fresh start, a clean slate, the end of the previous year's problems. I wanted to yell 'but life is still as hard as it was yesterday!!!' and 'I wish I could leave my damn problems in last year but it doesn't work like that!!!!'. Yet some years it feels a lot more positive. This year I've found it nice to reflect on 2017 (both the good and the bad) and everything I have learnt, and to look to the coming year with hope and also preparation for everything that may be about to come my way.

At the end of January last year I publish a post entitled 'Memories in a Jar' in which I talked about the concept of a Memory Jar and how I intended to make one for 2017. Please feel free to check it out here. (It's only a short one and will give some context to this post). A year on and that jar is now full to the brim of happy memories from the past year! On 1st January 2018 I thoroughly enjoyed emptying the contents and looking back on all the good times of this past year. I was, however, a little apprehensive about opening certain memories that were happy at the time but have sadly become tainted. These were due to the two relationships I had in 2017 which didn't work out. My friend Ray has suggested that for my 2018 jar I use a specific colour of paper for memories of the romantic kind so that I can chuck them out without reading them if it all goes to pot haha!

I thought it would be nice to share a few of my favourite gems from the jar...

"Watching 'Lion' at New Wine, bawling my eyes out. Beth: 'you do everything at level 10, don't you" 04/07/17

This one cracked me up because I'd forgotten about this time that my friend Beth summed me up so well... we watched the film 'Lion' on holiday at New Wine and it BROKE. MY. HEART. I couldn't stop crying for ages lol. As I was sobbing, Beth said "You do everything at level 10, don't you". She is so right. I am so dramatic! I don't mean to be - like that film really did upset me - but I do seem to do all emotions at the extreme oops.

"Getting very wine drunk and performing 'Ebony and Ivory' including rap verse with Grace for the girls on holiday!" 27/07/17

This is a classic. One of the best nights of my life. We did indeed get drunk but in the best way. We sung and danced around the apartment all night and had all the fun. Writing a rap with Grace and performing it whilst tipsy was indeed a highlight of the night. There is a video of it but that is something which I hope will never see the light of day...

"The MYCOs. Winning players player and the Rebecca Allison award" 17/06/17

This was an amazing day. As I said a lot on this blog, MYCO was one of the best parts of my gap year and I miss it very much. The MYCO awards was just the cherry on what was a fabulous cake. Everyone was dressed to the nines, it was all my favourite people together, and I won two awards which was such an honour and something I will never forget.

"Uncle Mick rang me and said 'Stick to your convictions, you are lovely, you are very special, I feel so lucky to have you" 05/10/17

Another very special moment. I had only been at Uni for about two weeks when one of my uncles rang me just to check in and see how I was getting on. He also offered some advice and words of encouragement and, as he is someone I love and respect very much, I treasure these words.

"Total Adventure. Dancing around to 'Lighthouse' and 'Lean on me' with Millie" 07/08/17

I wrote on here a little bit about my week working with Millie, a girl who is blind and partially deaf on an adventure holiday camp. One of the best parts of the week was the time of music at the end of everyday. All the other kids felt self conscious or 'too cool' to dance along to the songs. But not Millie. I guess its because she can't see what everyone else is doing; as far as she's concerned, music is meant to be danced to. I must say, I fully agree. She held my hands and we danced around like madwomen. I would highly recommend, I believe dancing is good for the soul.

"Finding my claddagh ring in a shop on Grafton Street!" 29/12/17

For my 18th birthday, my parents bought me a claddagh ring (a traditional item of Irish jewelry but sadly the band split not long after. I was heartbroken and have been mourning it ever since! However, whilst we were in Dublin last week, I found the perfect one in a jewelers on Grafton Street (you may recognise this road name as it features in Ed Sheeran's song 'Galway Girl'). I am so happy to have a claddagh back in my life! Here's a cheeky pic of it...

The two hands represent friendship, the crown is for loyalty and the heart is for love.

"FRICKEN BATS! Realising I proper love Sarah and Alicia. Night out with coursemates" 27/10/17

As I keep saying, I am so lucky to have so many amazing people come into my life in Brighton. This note was about my two bffs on my course but there was also one in my jar about how much I love my flatmates.

"Katie and Ollie remembering me after 3 months away. Most precious moment ever." 18/12/17

Being away from the twins I looked after throughout my last few months of school and the entirety of my gap year was so hard for me. I had convinced myself that they would have forgotten who I was by the time I got back for Christmas, seen as they are so little but I needn't have worried. As soon as I was in the room they were fighting to get out of their highchairs for a cuddle with huge grins on their faces! I just wanted to cry!


There were way over 100 memories in that jar so I could go on forever but I don't want to bore you!
I would highly recommend keeping a memory jar for yourself this year. It really does help you to look for the positives in your day-to-day life. It also helps to put your year into perspective when you reach the end of it. It can be easy to look back on a year and to only focus on the negatives as they usually feel so much bigger, yet reading through your jar reminds you that there has also been plenty of good - however small those moments may have been.

My jar for this year (owls, of course.)

Thanks so much for reading! I hope you have a wonderful 2018.

Love,
Katie xxx