Minor setback
It began with a bit of a 'wobble' as I have decided to call it. After writing my last blog post so joyfully about the amazing improvements in my health, I had a bit of a breakdown which hadn't happened in months and months! I think it was because I was coming off my anti-depressant/anxiety medication. I was GUTTED - I thought I had been doing so well and didn't need them anymore. I found it really hard to pick myself up from this. I just wanted them out of my system so I could move on from that time in my life. However, mental health doesn't work like that. It is fragile and you have to take everything at your own pace. We decided to up my dose a little bit to try and give me a bit more stability for all the things I had coming up.Girls holiday to Cannes!
Five years ago I walked into the school canteen and was introduced to a girl called Justine who was French and had moved to England for a year to learn English. Little did I know she would become a friend for life. I was heartbroken when she moved back to France but we kept in touch. She came and stayed with me for a week last Summer and this year she invited myself and a few of our other friends to stay with her for a few days in the South of France. We had a fab time!
Now bare in mind that this trip was a huge deal for me. I have suffered from really bad travel anxiety for years and was terrified of flying in particular. I had been working really hard on this though so I was feeling okay. Once we took off and were on our way, I bought a glass of wine and got my book out... I was properly patting myself on the back and was so proud that I was actually doing it!
I should have known it was too good to be true... As we were coming into land in Nice, suddenly we weren't coming into land anymore! We were taking off again and circling round. The pilot attempted to land twice more before telling us we were going to have to land in Marseilles instead... I didn't even know where Marseilles was! After landing in Marseilles, we sat there for 4 hours before finally being allowed to fly back to Nice. Only just before we took off, word got to us that Nice airport had been evacuated due to a bomb scare. This was the last straw for me. I turned to my friend Emily and said 'That's it, even if we make it back, I am NOT getting off this plane.' A little dramatic, I grant you, but I had had enough! To top it off, the little boy that I was sat next to threw up about 10 times between leaving Heathrow and finally landing in Nice. Lovely.
Yet once we were there we had an amazing time. It was so, so hot! My body doesn't cope with heat too well (shoutout to Amy for being the real MVP and literally cleaning vomit off my legs and feet after I threw up in the middle of the street from dehydration) ((that's the last of the sick talk, I promise))
I've never seen sea so beautiful and blue. When we were out and about I just gasped at the beauty of everything we saw. When we weren't out sightseeing, we were by the pool or drinking wine on the balcony - bliss! It was the relaxation that I was craving.
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| SQUAD |
New Wine (wine not included)
Every year I got to the New Wine United festival/conference with my family. It is almost always the best week of my year. This year was no different! It was quite the contrast from Cannes... I had only a few hours sleep between getting home from France and leaving again for Somerset. We got there and the site was a complete mud bath! I've never seen anything like it. I definitely got my moneys worth out of my wellies that week, that's for sure! Despite the weather we had an incredible time. My brother and I were working with the 3-4 year olds in their holiday club which was exhausting but so much fun. I've only just got the annoying kids songs out of my head though!
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| Card from the parents of one of the 3year olds I looked after |
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| My no.1 best mate |
In the evenings once I'd finished working, I was able to go along to all the events. I felt so refreshed and that I had been able to really meet with God and be renewed. A thought from the week that really stuck with me was "your mess is probably your message". This struck a cord with me because I do feel that when I go through storms and experience trials in my life, that is when God really comes through for me and proves his faithfulness. It is these times in my life that I have then been able to use to encourage others.
Even though we were pitching our tents in the land of mud, someone reminded me of this Bible verse which I love "We pitch our tent in the land of hope" - Acts 2. Even when it feels like everything is going wrong, we always have hope.
Another great part of the week was that I got to spend some quality time with my pal Beth who moved back to her home land (Cornwall) at the end of the week. It was very special to me to have been able to have had that time together before we had to say goodbye. I miss her painfully already. She is a wise, funny, loving, intelligent, diamond soul. A true shining light. I love you, Beth-lar.
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| The last night at the Arena with Beth mate. (Yes, I was as tired as I look lol) |
Life to the MAX!
I had a day at home to unpack after New Wine and then it was straight into a week working for Adventure Plus. A+ is an organisation that runs adventure activity holidays/residentials for children and young people. Their motto is "Life to the max" (because of the Bible verse where Jesus says: "I have come so that they may have life, and life to the full") and they aim to enable these young people to "realise their potential through adventure and education". My job was to work as a one-to-one Enabler for a girl who is completely blind and partially deaf who wanted to go on their Total Adventure holiday camp this year. The sort of activities on offer that week were: sports, canoeing, climbing wall, archery, fencing, slacklining, biking, bushcraft, and circus skills - none of which are my forté! Arts and crafts was probably the only thing up for grabs that I was any good at but unfortunately Millie didn't fancy that! Thankfully, all the instructors were amazing and so they made sure the activities were accessible for her and made sure we were safe, whilst I focused on looking after her. It was both one of the most amazing things I've ever done and also one of the most challenging. I don't think anything could have prepared me for how tough I'd find it. There were tears: both when it all got a bit too much but also when I was overwhelmed with pride and joy when Millie kept achieving new things. I think I'd like to write about this week in more detail another time as I've been wanted to write a post about working with children who have additional needs for some time anyway - so look out for that!
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| Best part of the job...they fed me! This was at our leaders meal on the last night once all the kids had left. |
The week was particularly exciting for me as it was a childhood dream of mine to be an A+ instructor. I went on a couple of their trips when I was little and I always thought that the A+ team were the COOLEST PEOPLE EVER! I'm still not cool enough to be an actual instructor and do all the cool stuff but, hey, I got to be on the team and got the t-shirt and no one can take that away from me hahaha! Thank you to my friend Lucy for thinking of me when she heard about this job and for recommending me. It was an incredible experience that I will never forget.
Needless to say I felt close to death after these few weeks! It took a lot of will power not to take a nap in the cot whilst at work the next day...! (check out Brown Bear for all your mother and baby needs lol)
Fear Fighter
This year I have tried to fight as many of my fears as I can. Going on the trip to France with the girls involved me dealing with a lot of them but this week I faced one of my biggest fears head on. As I mentioned before, I am terrified of flying! Travelling on a jumbo jet was one thing but this week I went flying with my friend Jonathan (aka J-RO) who flies a little two seater aircraft (no idea of the technical term oops). He's been offering to take me flying for so long but I've always been like 'umm no way, José' but as I've been trying to push myself, this time I said yes! IT WAS SO SCARY I WAS SHAKING. But I completely trusted Jonathan and knew he wouldn't let me die...!
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| In the sky selfie! Surprised I managed to keep the camera steady to be honest! |
New beginnings...
The last of the exciting things that have been happening is that I found out that I have got into University accommodation - a real answer to prayer! I have also linked up with two of my new flatmates and they seem lovely. This has just made the whole thing seem so much more real. I am super scared but more so, I am excited! I am really looking forward to this next season and adventure in my life. Bring it on!
As I sit and write this, the words of one of the speakers from New Wine, Cathy Madavan, comes to mind: "knocked down but not knocked out". I started this post by talking about how I had been feeling like I had had a setback and was going into my 6 weeks of busyness on a weak footing, yet I still managed to achieve so much and for that I am really grateful. My mate Beth (mentioned earlier) once said I'm like one of those annoying birthday candles that you blow out but it just keeps re-lighting. I love that image. Writing this has reminded me to focus on the good things that I have achieved and to be kinder to myself about the setback. I'm a firm believer that the good will ALWAYS outweigh the bad and that you have to - like A+ say - live life to the max! Don't let fear hold you back!
Thank you so much for reading this long and rambling post! I hope you are having a wonderful summer.
Love,
Katie xxx
