Decision Time

Here we go, it's decision time.

Recap

If you've been following my blog for a while you will know that I am currently on a gap year and have been thinking a lot about where I'm heading come September. Just to recap: I have a place at the University of Brighton to study Primary English Education with QTS (meaning I'll leave as a qualified primary school teacher, specialising in English), but this year have also been pursuing my other passion by applying to drama school.
I haven't succeeded in getting into drama school this year which has, on the one hand, been really tough, yet on the other hand it has been an amazing experience. I have learned so much and feel I have grown as a person and as a performer. However, as I have spoken about on here before, it is still a painful experience to repeatedly be rejected in the fairly ruthless way of the acting industry. I am still processing it and working through it, but definitely getting there!

Options

1. Stick to plan A and accept my place at Brighton, go to University this year, get my degree, join drama societies at Uni, continue to audition whilst I'm there, try to get onto an MA course at a drama school after I've finished my teacher training.
2. Withdraw from my place at Brighton, stay at home and apply for drama school again, throw myself into my auditions completely and hope that the experience I've gained this year will help, increase the amount of paid work I'm doing as a lot of it is voluntary at the moment. For example, the school for children with Special Educational Needs that I'm volunteering at have said that if I were to stay gaining experience with them, I could get a paid job there in September.
3. If something entirely different happens between now and September!

What I'm leaning towards

At the moment the option that I'm leaning towards is option number one. The audition process has shown me that I'm perhaps not quite ready for the whole world of drama school and the acting industry. It is very cut-throat and I feel that there will be a lot of benefits in me taking some time to grow and toughen up a bit! Indeed, those that I know who have gone to drama school have said that very few people get in on their first try - especially if they're young - because the schools want you to have had more life experience. Well then, I'm going to go out there and get some life experience!
 I also feel that I don't want to miss out on the University experience that I've seen my friends enjoying this year, or even if I didn't miss out entirely and went in a couple of years time - I think I'd find it hard being several years older than my peers.
Despite it having always been my dream to be a performer, I have also wanted to be a teacher since the age of four. It is a degree and career that I know I would be more than happy doing so I won't be wasting my time if I do opt for the Uni route! Once you are a qualified teacher and have completed your NQT year, you are qualified for life so I'd always have that to fall back on if I didn't get much acting work or decided the acting industry wasn't for me.
If I do go for this option, I will not be giving up on my dreams. There are so many drama and music opportunities in Brighton which I would definitely get involved in and, like I said before, I would keep auditioning and gaining as much acting/singing experience as possible.
One final reason for choosing this route is that I have fallen in love with Brighton and would simply love to live there!

Of course, I have my doubts... I am so happy at the moment and really don't want to leave my work (I will miss my babies so much!) and friends behind. There's certainly a part of me that thinks 'what's the rush? I'm happy where I am and University isn't going anywhere'. However, I think I know deep down that I need to move on to a new adventure soon - but there's no way my Oxfordshire folk are getting rid of me too easily, so don't get your hopes up haha! There's still plenty of time for me to change my mind, but this is what my thinking is at the moment.

Gotta have faith

As always, it is my faith in God that keeps me vaguely chill! As I spoke a lot about in my posts 'Worth the risk?' and 'Coming Back From Rejection', I believe that God has a plan for my life and so, however scary things might get, he's got things under control. These are a couple of verses that I have found really helpful over the past couple of weeks:

"We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering though a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us." - 1 Corinthians 13 (MSG)

"Even if I walk through a very dark valley, I will not be afraid, because you are with me... Surely your goodness and love will be with me all my life." - Psalm 23

I know that even if I stray from God's plan and follow the 'wrong' path for my life, he is bigger and he will always find me and set me back on course.

Retreat and reflect

I am thinking of organising a couple of days away staying with family as a way of clearing my head. I think it will be really beneficial for me to retreat from my usual day-to-day to reflect and pray about this whole situation so I can feel a bit more confident that I'm doing the right thing! I am so grateful that my weekday work schedule works on my terms and so I'm in a position to move things about so that I can hopefully escape for a couple of days!

The here and now

Despite feeling that I need to be thinking about/planning the future and making big decisions, I am also doing my best to 'be in the moment' and appreciate everything that's happening at the moment or is planned for the next few months. The people I am surrounded by at the moment are amazing and make every day fun, I am always taking new opportunities, I love my work (not something everyone can say so I try not to take it for granted!), I have two trips to Ireland to see the family - and a holiday to Cannes booked, I'm performing in The Hired Man in 6 weeks (BUY TICKETS Y'ALL)... so there's lots to look forward to before September is upon me!




Thank you so much for reading this post! I apologise for the fact that this whole dilemma I find myself in is probably very boring for anyone who isn't me! I will be back to writing about more general topics now. If you're going through something similar however, I hope that I can encourage you to not worry about having all the answers - just take everything a day at a time.

Love,
Katie xxx