I wonder if I am actually old enough to claim to have gained enough
worldly knowledge to sit here and preach to my younger self. I’m sure in a
few years’ time there will be plenty I wish I could have told my 18-year-old
self. For now however, I do feel that having come through my teen years,
there’s a lot I wish I could have known before embarking upon them.
 |
| My 13th Birthday. Puberty did good, hun. |
To my 13 year old self,
Friends
You've forever been a sociable little bean, always wanting to be everyone's friend and to please everyone. In many ways this is a great quality and has blessed you with many wonderful friendships. However, it is not possible to please everyone and make them like you. I know you really take it to heart if someone doesn't like you, but it's time to learn that it is inevitable and that you need to simply put your time and energy into the friendships that you do have - the people that really matter. Invest your love in people who care about you and you can't go too far wrong.
I'm proud of how hard you love your friends, that you are loyal and stand by them regardless of whatever they're going through. Keep it up because people remember it and thank you for it later. You also need to learn, however, that you can't fix people's problems all the time and that sometimes people don't want your help. Accept that on occasions you will need to take a step back and let friends do their own processing.
Sometimes it's okay to fall out with people. You hate this so much I know! But you have to understand that people grow and develop a lot emotionally during their teen years - as well as physically. People who you thought you'd be chums with forever will change (and so will you) and so you may not 'fit' as friends anymore. This will be really painful for you at times but just remember that these things happen for a reason; as some leave your life, others will enter it.
Something really lovely that has happened is that a couple friends that you felt you were losing at 13, came back into your life at 17 or 18. Again, people grow and change and mature and, when you're ready, you can come back together even stronger than ever!
I wish I could go back in time and break the news to you that you don't get a boyfriend in your teen years so that you could perhaps forget about them and crack on with your life! But I don't think there would be any point... you are a dreamer and a romantic to the core. Although it was all a massive waste of time, having crushes is fun - and I suppose that day-dreaming about being whisked off your feet by the boy sat next to you in Maths does help make the time pass by a bit quicker! It would be nice if you were able to relax about the whole thing a bit though, trying to uncover the workings of the teenage male mind is exhausting and futile!
Despite the fact that, where you are now, it feels demoralising and depressing to always be the 'best mate' and never the girlfriend, this is such a blessing in disguise. I know you literally feel like Taylor Swift in 'You Belong With Me' with boys complaining about their nightmare girlfriends whilst you're sat there thinking 'EXCUSE ME I AM RIGHT HERE AND I WOULD TREAT YOU BETTER THAN HER', but trust me, it works out so much better. I am blessed with many amazing friends now who are guys - some of which being people you are obsessing over at age 13. I don't know what I'd do without them; I love being 'one of the lads' as well as having girlie time with my gals.
Now that I'm older and it actually matters a bit more, it is invaluable having male friends to provide me with that insight into the workings of the male mind that you are desperately trying to uncover! Perhaps if you were better in the romance department than that of friendship, I wouldn't have so many amazing men around me now to make me laugh, exasperate me, and give me the best advice on the daily. (Big shout out to my boys: Fin, Oscar, Joe, Jacob, Callum, Raymond, J-RO... I'd be lost without you).
Okay girl, I seriously need to give you a heads up here. As Mum and Dad didn't have the internet growing up, you're having to navigate your way through this madness alone! On the whole, you are coping pretty well. However - as you will learn the hard way- there are certain things which aren't advisable... For example, if you don't know what something means, just Google it and find out for yourself, don't post it in a Facebook status for the world to see! You WILL be publicly humiliated! Yes, your older self is still scarred by THAT incident.
Social media is great: it's a lot of fun and will keep you connected to people you don't really see anymore, but for heavens sake just remember that people don't need or want to see everything that happens in your life. Always be selective and sensible. Oh and just you wait for Snapchat... you are not prepared for the joy those filters are going to bring to your life.
Hindsight is wonderful and I know that it's very easy for me to say this now that I'm not longer in those situations... but you honestly can afford to stress a lot less than you are at the moment. Although the education system is supposedly designed to open your eyes and mind to the world, it can in fact be very narrow minded. Looking back I can see that you are being taught that success in life is determined by grades and money, that there is only one right way to do things, and that the world revolves around what you do at school. Don't get me wrong, I know you love school and you will continue to do so, but since leaving I feel like restrictions have been lifted. My eyes have been opened to the things that really matter and to the immeasurable amount of opportunities that life really has to offer. You've never been much of a rebel and I don't think that's ever going to change, but all I'm really trying to say is that if you hand your homework in late a few times, it really won't matter a jot in the grand scheme of things ha!
I just want to tell you: you've got this. I'm pretty sure that the teen years are designed to test you, embarrass you, shape you, and drive you insane - so you're never going to get through them scot-free, yet I think we turn out alright... Well, we certainly could be a lot worse! My best advice for you: pray and trust God with everything, be yourself, own your quirkiness, laugh as much as possible, and keep hopeful... You survive it, I promise!
With love,
Your older self xx
As always, thank you so much for reading and please follow - I'll be eternally grateful!
Love,
Katie xxx
Boys
I wish I could go back in time and break the news to you that you don't get a boyfriend in your teen years so that you could perhaps forget about them and crack on with your life! But I don't think there would be any point... you are a dreamer and a romantic to the core. Although it was all a massive waste of time, having crushes is fun - and I suppose that day-dreaming about being whisked off your feet by the boy sat next to you in Maths does help make the time pass by a bit quicker! It would be nice if you were able to relax about the whole thing a bit though, trying to uncover the workings of the teenage male mind is exhausting and futile!
Despite the fact that, where you are now, it feels demoralising and depressing to always be the 'best mate' and never the girlfriend, this is such a blessing in disguise. I know you literally feel like Taylor Swift in 'You Belong With Me' with boys complaining about their nightmare girlfriends whilst you're sat there thinking 'EXCUSE ME I AM RIGHT HERE AND I WOULD TREAT YOU BETTER THAN HER', but trust me, it works out so much better. I am blessed with many amazing friends now who are guys - some of which being people you are obsessing over at age 13. I don't know what I'd do without them; I love being 'one of the lads' as well as having girlie time with my gals.
Now that I'm older and it actually matters a bit more, it is invaluable having male friends to provide me with that insight into the workings of the male mind that you are desperately trying to uncover! Perhaps if you were better in the romance department than that of friendship, I wouldn't have so many amazing men around me now to make me laugh, exasperate me, and give me the best advice on the daily. (Big shout out to my boys: Fin, Oscar, Joe, Jacob, Callum, Raymond, J-RO... I'd be lost without you).
The Internet
Okay girl, I seriously need to give you a heads up here. As Mum and Dad didn't have the internet growing up, you're having to navigate your way through this madness alone! On the whole, you are coping pretty well. However - as you will learn the hard way- there are certain things which aren't advisable... For example, if you don't know what something means, just Google it and find out for yourself, don't post it in a Facebook status for the world to see! You WILL be publicly humiliated! Yes, your older self is still scarred by THAT incident.
Social media is great: it's a lot of fun and will keep you connected to people you don't really see anymore, but for heavens sake just remember that people don't need or want to see everything that happens in your life. Always be selective and sensible. Oh and just you wait for Snapchat... you are not prepared for the joy those filters are going to bring to your life.
Chill the heck out!
Hindsight is wonderful and I know that it's very easy for me to say this now that I'm not longer in those situations... but you honestly can afford to stress a lot less than you are at the moment. Although the education system is supposedly designed to open your eyes and mind to the world, it can in fact be very narrow minded. Looking back I can see that you are being taught that success in life is determined by grades and money, that there is only one right way to do things, and that the world revolves around what you do at school. Don't get me wrong, I know you love school and you will continue to do so, but since leaving I feel like restrictions have been lifted. My eyes have been opened to the things that really matter and to the immeasurable amount of opportunities that life really has to offer. You've never been much of a rebel and I don't think that's ever going to change, but all I'm really trying to say is that if you hand your homework in late a few times, it really won't matter a jot in the grand scheme of things ha!
Be You
I just want to tell you: you've got this. I'm pretty sure that the teen years are designed to test you, embarrass you, shape you, and drive you insane - so you're never going to get through them scot-free, yet I think we turn out alright... Well, we certainly could be a lot worse! My best advice for you: pray and trust God with everything, be yourself, own your quirkiness, laugh as much as possible, and keep hopeful... You survive it, I promise!
With love,
Your older self xx
As always, thank you so much for reading and please follow - I'll be eternally grateful!
Love,
Katie xxx
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