Last week was spent building up to an audition I had at the Bristol Old Vic Theatre School on Friday. I was very nervous - particularly after being rejected from the last two schools I had applied for (see previous posts) but I was also really looking forward to performing for the panel. I felt that the audition went well; I performed my pieces the best I could, and the panel were really lovely so the interview part was fine. However, as I left the room afterwards I thought to myself 'I feel like that wasn't enough'. I don't really know why but I just felt like I hadn't had the 'wow factor' (if that's even a thing!). Yet just as I had gathered up my things and was preparing to leave, one of the women from the audition panel came out to call in the next person but instead of going over to him, she came up to me and said "Thank you again so much for coming!" she then gave me a thumbs up and a sort of wink and said "So, yeah, hopefully see you very soon!"
My heart LEAPT. I wanted to look around at everyone and be like 'did anyone else just see that?!'
When I met up with my mum afterwards I told her about it but we both agreed that I shouldn't get my hopes up too much. I knew that even though they might have wanted to give me a recall, they have to consider everyone together and could easily decide that they already had plenty of girls like me. Bristol Old Vic audition well over 1,000 applicants a year with only 14 places up for grabs (and only half of those being for girls) so I knew from the start my chances were extremely slim! And sure enough, I received an email at 11:13 yesterday morning to say they couldn't offer me a place for October 2017.
Despite expecting this to some extent, it still crushed me. The whole thing was definitely made worse by the fact that I couldn't help taking what that woman did to heart - it gave me hope and made me feel like I had a chance of getting through. I think it was pretty insensitive to say what she did without being 100% sure - because of course I would take it to heart! As humans we always look for meaning in things, we strive to cling on to the words of others.
Right now, this sucks, but I'm going to take this week off audition prep to focus on what really matters to me: my friends, my family, my work, and singing/acting for my own enjoyment - then next week I can get back to work to prepare for my last audition.
On days like these it's so easy to sit and say ' life really sucks right now'. However, I don't think that's true. Some really great things have happened over the past few days too and it's up to me to choose whether to focus on those things or to focus on this one really rubbish thing. I'm not saying that when something bad happens you should just push through it straight away and pretend it hasn't happened - far from it! It's important to feel and process your emotions. Indeed, yesterday I had a good old sob for about 10 minutes which helped me to get all the hurt and anger and bitterness and disappointment out of my system! What I am saying however, is that we can choose whether to dwell on the negatives and we can choose whether we let the negatives determine how we feel about life as a whole.
Some really great things that have happened since my audition:
- Because I was in Bristol, I could meet up with my wonderful friend Grace who is studying to be the best vet in the world (maybe I'm a tad bias) at the University of Bristol. We ate veggie goodness at GBK, caught up, and giggled a lot. I left my time with her feeling very loved.
- I then went to stay with my best friend, Laura, who is studying to be the best oncologist in the world (again, maybe a teensie bit bias) at the University of West England. She knows that whenever we go to Pizza Express I always order the Padana so she bought that for us to have for tea! Then I got to meet her boyfriend for the first time - beforehand I was planning on grilling him (y'know, you've got to make sure your bff gets only the best), however it ended up being that me and Laura basically recounted every major embarrassing event from my life to him. We discovered there is a considerable amount of said embarrassing moments!!! I think it's safe to say that I terrified the poor chap. In all seriousness though, it was lovely sitting and drinking tea with them and getting to know the guy who's making my friend so happy :)
- On the train home from Bristol the next day, I was sat opposite the sweetest middle-aged couple. They got really confused over the seat numbers and got very excited about the little packed lunch they had made which included those little juice cartons that you drink from with a straw. I don't know why they made me smile so much, I guess sometimes it's just the little things that people do/say that can be the most entertaining.
- Saturday evening was the MYCO Open Mic Night. This meant that everyone in the company had the opportunity to perform whatever they wanted. I performed a solo and a duet with my friend Oscar. I loved every single second of it! The stage is my happy place. There's nothing that makes me feel better than singing my heart out for an audience. More than this however, on Saturday I just loved watching everyone else do their thing. I felt honored to be able to perform alongside such incredibly talented people and to be able to call them my friends! Tickets are now on sale for our show 'The Hired Man' which is going to be EPIC (if I may say so myself). Buy them here. Also, you can watch my solo from Saturday evening on my YouTube channel - just click here.
- After I got the email to say I hadn't been accepted, my brother Matt and I headed for the McDonald's drive-thru. I hardly ever get a McDonald's but this was a level of depression that only chicken nuggets could ease. We blasted out tunes like 'Roar' by Katy Perry, we sung (rather badly) at the top of our lungs and whacked out some pretty horrendous dance moves, but I definitely felt better for it!
Disclaimer: these photos were taken whilst stationary. - In the afternoon I had lesson scheduled with a young girl to whom I teach singing. The lesson went really well and I felt so proud - she had obviously been practicing what I had been teaching her and had improved so much!
- I was working in the late afternoon/early evening with one year old twins that I look after. Honestly seeing their little faces light up and watching them speed-crawl towards me when they see me come in is just so amazing... It kills me every time... MY HEART JUST CAN'T COPE.
- After work I met up with one of my best chums, Beth, who is back from University for a few days. We drank wine and ate bread and it was blissful.
- Finally, messages like this from my friends and family have kept me going. Thank you to you all, you truly are the best and I'm so blessed to have you.
Laura Perry, you're the real MVP
Thank you so much for reading, I hope your week is going well!
It would mean so much if you could follow my blog (there's a little blue 'Follow' button at the top of the page on the left), thanks!
Love,
Katie xxx
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