I'm a feminist, but...

Last summer I discovered the wonderful world of podcasts. Right from when I started exploring the variety of podcasts on offer, 'The Guilty Feminist' has been by far my favourite. As said at the start of each episode it is: "the podcast in which we explore our noble goals as 21st century feminists and the hypocrisies and insecurities which undermine them". It is very much a comedic show yet each episode tackles an important topic and it can often be quite emotional or challenging. Each episode starts with a segment called 'I'm a feminist but' before moving on to the main discussion. This entails each person on the panel admitting something that they do/think that undermines their feminist values.

These are some examples from the show:

• "I'm a feminist but some days my life wouldn't pass the Bechtel test..."
• "I'm a feminist but when I want something from my husband I ask for it in a little baby voice..."
• "I'm a feminist but although I think cat-calling is disgusting and wrong, if someone shouts 'hey sexy!' I think both: 'that's awful!' and 'still got it!'"
• "I'm a feminist but my favourite apple is the Pink Lady..."
• "I'm a feminist but I think I would feel safer in the hands of a male police officer or fireman than a female one..."

As you can see, these are often very trivial and silly but sometimes they can really highlight some prejudices that a lot of us have (for example, the one about the emergency services).

Listening to this podcast has opened my eyes to a lot of issues facing women in this day and age and what I can do to help promote equality. It also helps me to keep myself 'in check' as I definitely get it wrong a lot of the time!

Here are some of my "I'm a feminist but"s...

• I often think that it should be the man to ask a woman out as that is simply the way things should be (in reality, I don't believe this, it's just that I don't have the confidence to do it myself!).
• If I haven't shaved my legs in a while I think 'look what a great feminist I am! I don't shave for nobody!" when in fact it is killing me that they aren't smooth but I'm just too lazy to do it.
• If I am incapable of opening something (i.e. a jam jar) I will automatically try to find the nearest male to help me - rather than a woman.
• I get REALLY annoyed when I hear a man make a comment which objectifies a woman or refers only to her looks  (e.g. 'she's fit!') but I do exactly the same when talking to my friends about men...

Quite clearly, I am not writing this post to 'preach' to anyone or to try and look like I always get it right because I definitely don't! I really believe that feminism is a journey that both men and women are on. We all have more to do.

Can feminism benefit men too?

A very common misconception of feminism is that it is the belief that women are superior to men. In fact, feminism is simply the belief than men and women are equal. For this reason, we as women need to accept the less attractive outcomes of this as well as the positive ones. For example, I need to be brave and ask someone out if I want to instead of waiting for them to do it, and speaking of dates, 'rules' such as men always paying the bill are just out-of-date now that women have paid work too (although this would be easier if there WASN'T THE GENDER PAY GAP FFS!). Whilst we're on the topic of the gender pay gap, it came out this week that Claire Foy was paid less for her role in The Crown than her male counterpart Matt Smith. I'll just let that sink in... he had a smaller role... she was paid LESS for doing MORE. Aside from this, she was literally breast feeding a newborn in between takes aka. she did two jobs at once because she is a BOSS. SHE WAS THE CROWN. Soz, rant over lol.

Feminism benefits men in other ways too. It works to break down the stereotypes that affect both men and women. For example, it works to lessen the idea that women are always the damsel in distress who needs to be saved by a prince or superhero, but also works the other way. Men shouldn't always be told they have to be the hero. Boys grow up being told that to cry is a sign of weakness, that they have to be tough all the time. This is in fact incredibly damaging. Indeed, according to the Samaritans' suicide statistics report from 2017, male rates are consistently higher than female suicide rates across the UK and Republic of Ireland – most notably 5 times higher in Republic of Ireland and around 3 times in the UK. Arguably, this is because men do not feel they can be open about how they are feeling and feel that to show they are struggling is to show weakness. By putting men and women on a level playing field, feminism aims to help men feel safe in opening up and gives permission for them to not always be 'the tough guy'.

Is sexism even still a thing?

I have heard many people argue that we don't really need feminism anymore, or that men and women are equal now so what's the point? I would definitely argue against this! Firstly, the gender pay gap I mentioned earlier is no myth. In fact, there is a database on the Government website in which you can search for any business to find out what the pay gap is. This is the link so you can go and have a look; it's very interesting! Out of interest, I looked up the company that my Dad works for. He works for O2 which is now owned by Telefonica. The results that came back for Telefonica UK showed that women working there earn an average of 18.6% lower than men! This is a really significant amount and is a lot more than I thought it would be! And at Brighton University where I study, it is just over 14%. 

Along with this big scale sexism, we still have a big problem of more subtle - but perhaps equally damaging - 'everyday sexism'. This manifests itself in things such as catcalling. I had an experience of this last year which really made me think. I was walking to work (which was childminding a 2 year old girl) and happened to walk past a pub. There was a group of middle aged men sat by the window who began to knock on the glass, shout at me, and make obscene gestures. I'm pretty sure one of them pulled his trousers down but I didn't stick around to find out. As I walked away, I at first thought the usual things I think when stuff like that happens such as: 'well that was uncomfortable', 'they are just losers to be at a pub, drinking in the middle of the day and shouting at young women', 'just ignore them, it's not worth it.' But then I thought 'HANG ON A SEC. I am on my way to look after a little girl. An amazing little girl who should not have to grow up in a world where she is subjected to such objectification and has derogatory slurs shouted at her as she goes about her business. It is worth it. It is worth speaking up and speaking out.' 

A friend of mine recently experienced some everyday sexism when she tried to apply for a job. She has given me permission to share this story but I won't give any details away. Basically, she wanted to apply for a job as a kitchen assistant in one of our favourite coffee shops in Brighton. However, when she went in to hand in her CV and an application, the man at the counter laughed and said "A pretty thing like you shouldn't be in the kitchen!" He then called in to the chef who was in the kitchen, saying "This pretty thing wants to work in the kitchen!" The chef then laughed right at her too. Now, bear in mind, that the friend I am referring to was overqualified for the job as she has been a chef in the past but wanted a kitchen assistant job whilst at Uni just to earn some money. I was outraged when she told me this later that day. It had left her feeling shocked and embarrassed and completely indignant! There is no doubt that - had she been male - her looks would not have had any effect over her chances of getting the job and such a disrespectful comment would not have been made. This is the sort of sexism that happens to women all the time and is often overlooked by men or seen as 'playful banter' or 'not too bad'. But it hurts and it wears you down.

Watch your language!

Something which I think has a huge impact on both institutional sexism and the subtleties of everyday sexism is our language. For example, two phrases which I hear around me all the time are 'man up!' and 'grow a pair!' Both men and women alike use these phrases and the majority of the time there is no sexist intention behind it at all! However, I believe it is language like this which shapes our view of men and women: their value and their position. We grow up surrounded by these phrases and have them contrasted with phrases such as 'run like a girl' or 'cry like a girl' which are used as insults. Our language totally paints the picture that men are strong and women are weak. 

Recently, I set myself the challenge to really watch my language in this sense. If you have been reading this blog for a while you may have noticed that I've said things like "so I just womaned up and did it". This helps me to get my perspective straight: I don't need to become more 'man-like' in order to achieve the things I want to in life. I just need to be the best version of ME. Perhaps the most feminist way of using language would be to leave gender out of it and to say things like 'toughen up', but until men and women are seen more equally I think I'm going to keep purposely saying 'woman' in this context to show my belief in the strength of women. 

Work in progress

I know I don't get it right all the time when it comes to feminism. I often make assumptions or generalisations based on gender but I'm trying! And I will keep trying! I find it a bit ironic that I am training to be a primary school teacher and sing on the side whilst my brother is going to be studying computer science and plays squash on the side. We def fulfill some stereotypes lol. But not all of them!

I would encourage you - be you a man or a woman - to join me in my 'trying'. Let's all try to treat each other fairly, to not write anyone off based on their gender, and to always #fightthepatriarchy.

I will leave you with this because it's freakin' hilarious... On International Women's Day this year, thousands of people took to twitter to indignantly ask the question: "but when is International Men's Day?!" In response to this, Richard Herring sent many a tweet informing these people of the date of the official International Men's Day. I think you'll agree that it is absolute gold. Even better than this, he used the attention he was getting to highlight the JustGiving page of a refuge charity for women and children escaping abuse. Legend.

Thank you so much for reading! Please do comment/get in touch if you have any thoughts on this topic. I am always open to discussion!

Love,

Katie xxx