Farewell, Summer

Farewell, Summer

Dear Summer,

I want to thank you for warmth and light, for lazy days and sun so bright.

You leave me feeling refreshed and renewed; after time off shared with friends and good food.

Although holidays, BBQs and summer tunes are all very fun, I find myself asking Autumn to come.

I hope you don't mind, it was great while it lasted, but now I'm ready for boots and hot chocolates. Bikinis? I'm past it!

That being said, there's a part of me that will miss you Summer, I really will.

So, until next year, good bye and farewell.

∼

Now, people who know me well will know that I like summer but it is definitely not my favourite season! I am much more of an autumn/winter kinda gal. Don't get me wrong, I love certain parts about summer: picnics, day trips with friends, driving along with my sunglasses on and windows down with 'feel good' summer tunes blaring. I've made some great memories this summer - be it raspberry picking, drinking wine on our balcony on holiday in the South of France, reading a good book in the garden on a sunny day, having an excuse to eat copious amounts of watermelon, or simply just feeling the cool breeze through my hair on a hot day. 

I'm not joking when I say I love melon... here I am looking very happy with myself whilst eating some melon that a random man on the beach offered me lol

However much I enjoy these elements of summer, I find other parts of it very frustrating. My body doesn't cope well with heat so if I get too hot I can feel pretty miserable (as you will have seen in my previous post!). I really don't like that feeling of being all sweaty and light headed. Yuck!

I'm such a home bird and so I'm not always a fan of the expectation to travel and go away over summer. I am perfectly happy to chill out at home! Although, I have had some fab times away this summer. 

When I'm really honest with myself, I know what the biggest reason is for me preferring autumn over summer; and that is body confidence. That might sound a bit odd... do let me explain. In autumn I have an excuse to be as covered up as I wish! A standard autumnal outfit for me consists of long trousers, a turtle neck jumper, boots, a big coat, and maybe even a scarf and hat too! Here's an example from my 'Farewell, Autumn' post from last year:

Oh look, I'm even wearing gloves too!

As you can see, literally only my face is showing from beneath my clothes! Katie is very happy like this. I know I can put a nice outfit together which suits me. I am a lot less confident when my body can been seen more clearly. During summer this is unavoidable unless you want to melt (and as you now know, I don't do heat very well so wearing less is a necessity!). Since the start of secondary school when you start to become more self-aware, I have been self conscious about everything from my shape and size to the way my knees point inwards, to where it is or isn't okay to have hair growing! It's pretty exhausting worrying about all this stuff. 

I think we all worry about the way we look to some extent but being a woman during summer brings you up against a lot more pressure than normal. Suddenly everyone becomes obsessed with being 'bikini ready' and getting the perfect 'bikini body'. For some, the worries are about losing weight (society loves to tell us that you must be slim to wear a bikini), for some it's about working out to create a lean and athletic physique, and for others it is all about removing every hair from your body that isn't on your head - we're talking waxing, shaving, hair removal cream, laser treatment, everything! This is often painful, not to mention expensive. Has anyone else seen the Venus and Olay ad which now suggests women need 'on the go' razors too? For God forbid a little hair should appear when one is out and about.

For me, I've always been stressed about the fact that I'm not the most curvy of girls. From a young age I was made to believe by magazines, music videos, advertising and others medias that you need big boobs and a big bum to even stand a chance of being attractive to males (and of course, you're also made to feel that that is the most important thing in life...!) I can recall clearly at the age of 12 or 13 deciding that as soon as I was old enough and had the money, I would get a 'boob job'. I just couldn't imagine anyone ever wanting to be in a relationship with me if I stayed the way I was. Thinking about that now makes me feel pretty nauseous! It is awful that I felt that way and that it didn't seem like a big deal to me - I just thought that was the way things were. A couple of years ago I read a statistic that said 'Women who have boob jobs are 3x more likely to commit suicide than those who don't'. I found this terrifying! I think it points out the biggest problem with this culture of external beauty ideals and the obsession with changing ourselves: changing yourself physically will not ultimately make you happy. The way to be happy about yourself is to be happy within yourself. Plastic surgery does not operate on your insecurities, they will still be left behind under the surface. I know that it is soooo much easier said than done. When people say 'just love yourself for who you are' I'm like "I'M TRYING, OKAY!" It is a process and a journey that we are all on.

Since being the insecure 12/13 year old, the way I view my body has changed dramatically. A combination of changing physically as I've got older, and becoming confident in the person I am on the inside has helped. I genuinely feel now that people thinking I'm an attractive person on the outside is just a bonus - I would much rather them think I am funny, kind, and intelligent - and so I put my energy into trying to better myself as a human being than as something to be looked at. Of course, I love clothes and make up and I get enjoyment out of that stuff, I just try to make those things a lesser priority. 

I still struggle sometimes with the way I look. There are times when I still feel a bit rubbish about my figure - particularly when comparing myself to other people (which is never a helpful thing to do, but we all do it!), but overall I am much more comfortable in my own skin and more loving towards myself. Indeed, this summer when I went away with some girl friends to France, that was probably the most confident I've felt among a group of women before, in this particular regard. They are all absolute bombshells and in the past I would not have wanted to be seen in a bikini near them as I felt so inadequate next to their gorgeous bods haha! But this year I didn't feel that way. Overall, I felt happy with the way I looked and strutted my stuff in a bikini quite happily!

I must have been feeling pretty confident in myself... you can't wear a brightly coloured sparkly bikini without drawing attention to yourself! Although I did stand out anyway due to my bright white Irish skin haha!

I think what it comes down to is making the best of what you've got. I've got to the point where most of the time I can accept the way I am and find my own ways of getting on with it. My mate Livi and I like to joke that we're members of the 'itty bitty titty committee' lol. Humour works for me, and if that works for you too then great! When we joke about ourselves however, I think it's important not to be too derogatory as this does have an effect on our self-esteem over time. I also think that part of what has made a difference for me is that I've learnt not to take my body for granted due to the health problems I had. When your body doesn't work properly, you learn to appreciate it when it does. As far as I'm concerned, if my body is carrying out all its jobs effectively then I'm happy!

If you've been following my blog for a while you will know that I have a bit of a thing about letters. I have written letters on here to my Grandad, to my younger self, to autumn etc. A while ago I wrote a letter to my body. Bear with me, I know that sounds mental. Basically I got fed up about the way I negatively thought about my body and so I wrote a letter thanking my body for everything it does for me and everything it is going to do for me. It didn't take me long to realise that I actually had a lot that I could say! I would highly recommend you have a go at this! If writing a letter feels a bit weird, then just write a list of all the things you like about yourself, this would be equally effective. I promise you will have more things to write down than you thought. Forcing yourself to focus on the positive is such a powerful thing for your soul. Let's create a culture of gratitude for what we have that replaces our current culture of always striving for bigger and better! If you really struggle to come up with anything, then try asking a friend or family member - I'm sure they can tell you a whole host of things they think are wonderful about you!

Another thing I've found helpful is music. In particular, a song called 'I Am Amazing' by singer/songwriter Philippa Hanna. She is an ambassador for all things positive. I love her! I can't encourage you enough to listen to this song. Check it out here.

Writing this post has reminded me of something Philippa Hanna wrote on social media back in January and I think it sums up really well what I think of this whole issue: 

"One of the things that most grieves me most in society is the notion that showing flesh makes a girl more powerful. It's not that I don't believe in her freedom of choice, or that she isn't beautiful with skin on show. But I believe there is far more power in her intellect, kindness, creativity and passion. A female should be able to command her moment with or without emphasis on her looks. No, a girl shouldn't be made to feel shame for her short skirt. But she should never be made to believe she can't conquer the world in her jeans & T-shirt. #feminism #beauty #freedom"

When I started to write this post I wasn't expecting it to get so deep haha! But this is such an important topic. I would love to hear your thoughts on this, let's have a discussion in the comments!

Thanks so much for taking the time to read this; it is always so appreciated.

Love,

Katie xxx 

Menstruation Frustration

Uh-oh here we go... Katie's Corner is tackling another taboo subject! This is awkward to write about but I think that it is so vital that this topic is talked about more. If I can help someone by writing this then it's definitely worth any awkwardness or embarrassment I may feel!

Today we're chatting periods. Menstruation. That time of the month. Mother Nature's Monthly Gift. Whatever else you may wish to call it! I want to tackle some of the misconceptions and big questions head on. I'm going to be talking about what to expect if you've not started your period (because what you get taught at school is pretty useless), what women want men to know about this subject, why I'm a Clue Ambassador and what this means, and some general points about the joys and horrors of this part of a woman's life.

A blessing or a curse?

 Periods are often messy, painful, and highly inconvenient but I think it's important to remember that they are also amazing. They are part of the process of creating new life and that is something that should be celebrated. Even when I feel like my womb is trying to murder me, I feel a sense of pride in my body and it's ability to do it's job properly. I also hope that I will one day have children of my own and that I will then feel it has all been worth it!
A close friend of mine has made the decision not to have children - it must be nightmare going through all this for literally nothing. I should be grateful that I do have something to use as motivation for getting through the tough aspects of it all, because boy oh boy can there be tough aspects! No one would choose to be emotional, nauseous, fatigued, and in pain etc. because it's not fun. Sometimes nothing can really help you accept it. For example, a couple of months ago my period was so bad that I threw up... ON A DATE NO LESS. Yes, it's fair to say that no amount of thoughts about cute future babies were going to make that situation better!
For me, I think it's important to have a balance of loving your body and appreciating the job it is doing, whilst also allowing yourself to wallow in feeling crap and binge eat all the chocolate you could want!
Something/someone that I've found helpful for dealing with all the highs and lows of periods is the YouTuber Melanie Murphy and her 'PMS Party' video series. She is so funny and easy to watch and she tackles all the big questions and issues with charm and wit. Watch these fab videos here!

What to expect when you're expecting... your period

I'm afraid there isn't an easy answer to this. The truth of the matter is that every woman is different and therefore every woman's experience is different. As annoying as this is - because it would be handy if you could prepare for what is coming and to be able to understand exactly what is normal when you are experiencing it - I believe that saying 'every women's experience is different' is honestly the most comforting and helpful thing I can say! This is due to the fact that at school you are taught specific facts such as: most girls will start their period at around the age of 13, your cycle should last about 28 days etc. It can then be very daunting if you don't fit the 'norm'. For example, I was the last of all the girls I knew in my school year to start my period and so for a couple of years was worried there was something wrong with me. Indeed, when mine did start I found that my cycle lasts between 35-48 days and so after worrying for ages, I eventually went to the doctors a year ago. My GP literally looked at me like 'umm babes why are you here wasting my time??' She told me that there is actually a large range to 'normal' and that she wasn't worried about me at all. What I'm trying to say is don't be alarmed if your 'normal' is very different from the 'normal' of your friends and family, or what you're told at school. Although, of course, always go to the doctor if you are worried about something - better to be safe than sorry y'know!

Putting the 'men' in 'menstruation'!

If women like myself grow up without all the necessary information for understanding periods then men don't stand a chance! Whilst researching for this blog I discovered that "Most adults still have a junior school level of education about sexual health and the female body" - medium.com

So here are just a few little pointers for you fellas that the gals in your life want you to know:

• The last thing a woman wants to hear if she's ever in a bad mood is 'Are you on your period?' JUST. DON'T. DO. IT. It is the one thing that is guaranteed to wind her up further! Just made her a cup of tea or something lol
• Whilst we're on the subject of emotions, I think it's a common misconception that every woman's hormones will cause her to have mood swings when she is on her period. This is not the case, however. For a lot women it simply appears to be this way because when one is in pain, one's tolerance levels are significantly lower! Just be sensitive to the fact that, during their time of the month, women may not necessarily be in a bad mood but are probably still not going to be feel up to the usual level of banter!
• On average, a woman will use 11,000 tampons or pads in her lifetime and considering they cost - on average - £3 for a pack of 20, you can understand why we complain about having to buy them all the time!
• PMS (premenstrual syndrome) usually occurs a week or two before the bleeding starts so most women go through two lots of having swollen or tender breasts, upset stomach, feeling tired, depression, anxiety, changes in appetite and headaches etc. in a month. Therefore, a woman may not technically be on her period, but is still going through the same nasty symptoms - and is consequentially as sensitive as when she is bleeding.
• I can't word this next point any better than Phylisa Wisdom did for thedatereport.com so here's what she said: "Now, as for whether it’s gross: yes, it is. It is the lining of a uterus. If you’re generally squeamish in life, you’re likely to be squeamish about this. Sometimes it has chunks. Sometimes it has a subtle but unique period smell. Sometimes it’s messy and slimy. It’s okay to feel a little funny in your stomach when you think about what it is, but it doesn’t mean it’s okay to think women’s bodies are disgusting. Because we’re fertile reproductive goddesses and this comes with the beauty of creating life. Namaste."
• Every woman has a personal preference when it comes to the collection method they opt for. Some will use tampons, others will use pads, some go for menstrual cups... it just depends on the individual. There is also a vast variety of brands, sizes and styles so if you ever find yourself in the position of having to purchase some for a sister or girlfriend or someone then for heavens sake, check what brand and size etc... because it matters!
• There are loads of things I could say, but just watch this Buzzfeed video entitled 'Men Explain Periods' because it is actually MAGIC! I can't remember the last time I chuckled so much. My fave part might be: "What causes cramps?" "Is it because the egg is big?" TOO FUNNY. Anyways, check it out for yourself here.
• Another good resource is 'The Manly Guide to Menstruation'. Find it here.

Give us a Clue?

First off I suppose I'd better explain what Clue is for those of you that don't know. It is a period tracking app. This means you can download it onto your phone and, from the information you give it, it can track and predict your menstrual cycle. This is so, so handy! It means you're always prepared and can keep track of any patterns or health concerns. I originally downloaded it when I was first considering going to the doctors about my period. I knew that it always took ages to come but wanted to go to the GP with some actual figures! I was able to show them my phone with my past 6 months of cycles recorded on it. However, after that appointment I realised that I just found it so helpful and so I have continued to use it since. You can simply tell it when you are on your period or you can give it loads of information - from how your mood is, to your digestion, to how your skin is. All this can be really helpful for working out how your body works and what is normal for you.

Aside from the app, Clue is also an organisation which works tirelessly in research and education regarding women's sexual and reproductive health. As a result of this, their app contains loads of really helpful information about every aspect of the menstrual cycle and their emails are some of the few that I actually read and don't just shift to junk mail... they are actually so interesting!

Because I love the work that Clue does and think it's really important, I applied to be a Clue Ambassador last July. This is part of the description I was sent when I was accepted:

"The #ClueVoices community is all about informing, advising and supporting each other. We've created a Facebook Group where Clue Ambassadors can connect with each other, and with the Clue Team. 

We look forward to growing this community with you - a community of people who want to push menstrual and reproductive health forward. Let's make the world more informed and less ashamed of menstrual health together."

This blog post is me finally doing my job as a Clue Ambassador... it's taken me a while haha!

It is nice to see that periods are being spoken about more these days; for example during the Tampon Tax debacle, both men and women spoke out with indignation. If you're unfamiliar with the 'Tampon Tax' issue, essentially it is the fact that sanitary items are considered to be luxury items (as opposed to essentials) and are therefore taxed, whilst items such as men's razors are considered essential and so are not subject to VAT. This is of course very frustrating for all women but makes these items even less accessible to homeless women or women on low incomes who often have to make the choice between eating or having sanitary products. It would be interesting to see the carnage caused if women stopped using sanitary products... I wonder how quickly they would be viewed as an essential then haha!
It is so encouraging to see people finally begin to stand up for women and issues regarding menstruation - I hope it continues! There is still a long way to go though with regard to education about menstruation (ooh. nice rhyme kates) so I for one am going to keep harping on about it even if it makes other people uncomfortable!



Please, if any of you have any questions: be that if you're a girl who hasn't started your period, a man who wants to understand it more, or a woman wanting to know more about Clue then get in touch! I'm more than happy to talk about it (as you've probably gathered).

Thank you for reading, despite it being a bit of an awkward one.

Love,

Katie xxx