Decision Time

Here we go, it's decision time.

Recap

If you've been following my blog for a while you will know that I am currently on a gap year and have been thinking a lot about where I'm heading come September. Just to recap: I have a place at the University of Brighton to study Primary English Education with QTS (meaning I'll leave as a qualified primary school teacher, specialising in English), but this year have also been pursuing my other passion by applying to drama school.
I haven't succeeded in getting into drama school this year which has, on the one hand, been really tough, yet on the other hand it has been an amazing experience. I have learned so much and feel I have grown as a person and as a performer. However, as I have spoken about on here before, it is still a painful experience to repeatedly be rejected in the fairly ruthless way of the acting industry. I am still processing it and working through it, but definitely getting there!

Options

1. Stick to plan A and accept my place at Brighton, go to University this year, get my degree, join drama societies at Uni, continue to audition whilst I'm there, try to get onto an MA course at a drama school after I've finished my teacher training.
2. Withdraw from my place at Brighton, stay at home and apply for drama school again, throw myself into my auditions completely and hope that the experience I've gained this year will help, increase the amount of paid work I'm doing as a lot of it is voluntary at the moment. For example, the school for children with Special Educational Needs that I'm volunteering at have said that if I were to stay gaining experience with them, I could get a paid job there in September.
3. If something entirely different happens between now and September!

What I'm leaning towards

At the moment the option that I'm leaning towards is option number one. The audition process has shown me that I'm perhaps not quite ready for the whole world of drama school and the acting industry. It is very cut-throat and I feel that there will be a lot of benefits in me taking some time to grow and toughen up a bit! Indeed, those that I know who have gone to drama school have said that very few people get in on their first try - especially if they're young - because the schools want you to have had more life experience. Well then, I'm going to go out there and get some life experience!
 I also feel that I don't want to miss out on the University experience that I've seen my friends enjoying this year, or even if I didn't miss out entirely and went in a couple of years time - I think I'd find it hard being several years older than my peers.
Despite it having always been my dream to be a performer, I have also wanted to be a teacher since the age of four. It is a degree and career that I know I would be more than happy doing so I won't be wasting my time if I do opt for the Uni route! Once you are a qualified teacher and have completed your NQT year, you are qualified for life so I'd always have that to fall back on if I didn't get much acting work or decided the acting industry wasn't for me.
If I do go for this option, I will not be giving up on my dreams. There are so many drama and music opportunities in Brighton which I would definitely get involved in and, like I said before, I would keep auditioning and gaining as much acting/singing experience as possible.
One final reason for choosing this route is that I have fallen in love with Brighton and would simply love to live there!

Of course, I have my doubts... I am so happy at the moment and really don't want to leave my work (I will miss my babies so much!) and friends behind. There's certainly a part of me that thinks 'what's the rush? I'm happy where I am and University isn't going anywhere'. However, I think I know deep down that I need to move on to a new adventure soon - but there's no way my Oxfordshire folk are getting rid of me too easily, so don't get your hopes up haha! There's still plenty of time for me to change my mind, but this is what my thinking is at the moment.

Gotta have faith

As always, it is my faith in God that keeps me vaguely chill! As I spoke a lot about in my posts 'Worth the risk?' and 'Coming Back From Rejection', I believe that God has a plan for my life and so, however scary things might get, he's got things under control. These are a couple of verses that I have found really helpful over the past couple of weeks:

"We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering though a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us." - 1 Corinthians 13 (MSG)

"Even if I walk through a very dark valley, I will not be afraid, because you are with me... Surely your goodness and love will be with me all my life." - Psalm 23

I know that even if I stray from God's plan and follow the 'wrong' path for my life, he is bigger and he will always find me and set me back on course.

Retreat and reflect

I am thinking of organising a couple of days away staying with family as a way of clearing my head. I think it will be really beneficial for me to retreat from my usual day-to-day to reflect and pray about this whole situation so I can feel a bit more confident that I'm doing the right thing! I am so grateful that my weekday work schedule works on my terms and so I'm in a position to move things about so that I can hopefully escape for a couple of days!

The here and now

Despite feeling that I need to be thinking about/planning the future and making big decisions, I am also doing my best to 'be in the moment' and appreciate everything that's happening at the moment or is planned for the next few months. The people I am surrounded by at the moment are amazing and make every day fun, I am always taking new opportunities, I love my work (not something everyone can say so I try not to take it for granted!), I have two trips to Ireland to see the family - and a holiday to Cannes booked, I'm performing in The Hired Man in 6 weeks (BUY TICKETS Y'ALL)... so there's lots to look forward to before September is upon me!




Thank you so much for reading this post! I apologise for the fact that this whole dilemma I find myself in is probably very boring for anyone who isn't me! I will be back to writing about more general topics now. If you're going through something similar however, I hope that I can encourage you to not worry about having all the answers - just take everything a day at a time.

Love,
Katie xxx

Just touched down in London town...

Whenever I think of London, I can't help but start singing the classic tune: American Boy (hence the slightly random title - it had to be done). This week I 'touched down in London town' three times in the space of four days and so I thought I would write about these mini adventures.

Sunday 12th - LAMDA

Sunday was the day of my final drama school audition, this one was at LAMDA (London Academy of Music and Drama). During my time at school I took the LAMDA acting exams, finishing with the Acting Grade 8 Gold Medal for which I was awarded a Distinction (one of the things in my life that I'm most proud of lol). I learned so much from these exams and so really wanted to try to get the opportunity to train there. However, as with the other places I auditioned for this year, it is so insanely competitive - particularly for girls in their first year of trying. As always though, I gave it my best shot and had a good experience there - although when I came out I felt that it hadn't been enough. Sure enough, on Wednesday evening I received an email to say they couldn't offer me a place this year. So there we have it, my auditions are over. I need a bit of time to process this and think about what the next step is and then I will be writing about my plans.

The crucial pre-audition nerve calming cup of tea.

LAMDA's building is gorgeous.

Tuesday 14th - Galentines

Tuesday was much more relaxed and enjoyable! My friends Darcy, Tabby, and I took a spontaneous trip to London together. Before we went we said we'd do some shopping but then go and visit the National Portrait Gallery and be all cultured... Yeah that didn't quite work out. We just shopped all day in Oxford Street... NO SHAME. It was so nice to completely have some time off and really enjoy each others company. We are all so busy and rarely get to spend time as a trio these days but, amazingly, we had a day off fall at the same time - hooray!

Bus life

I bought lots of fab new clothes but no mugs thanks to the mother haha!

Just the guy from the Great Pottery Throwdown (Keith Brymer Jones) making some pottery in a shop window! Only in London aha!

My gorgeous girls.

Thank you to Darcy and Tabby for the most wonderful day... I love you both and am grateful for our Galentines celebrations (who needs a fella when you have your gals, amma right?)

Wednesday 15th - MYCO Trip

On Wednesday MYCO (the Musical Youth Company of Oxford) took a trip to London to visit the Imperial War Museum and to watch 'The Book of Mormon' in the West End. The museum visit was to do some research for our show 'The Hired Man' that we're working towards at the moment. The musical covers WW1 time and part of the story-line focuses on how war affected Britain's working class. I found the visit very informative and moving. It has definitely helped me to relate to my character and appreciate what it would have been like for her to see her son and husband go to war - from the pride and excitement at the start, to the horror that followed.

The Imperial War Museum and a beautiful sky.

Post-museum tea pit-stop featuring Abi.

 After the museum visit and a lunch break, it was on to watch The Book of Mormon at the Prince of Wales Theatre. I have wanted to see this show for so long so was beyond excited to finally get to see it! It's fair to say I was not disappointed. I can't remember the last time I laughed that much watching anything. It was so, so hilarious and the standard of talent was on another level - everything from the acting to the singing to the dancing to the comedic timing. I loved every single second and desperately wanted to sing a long! If you've never seen it I would highly recommend it - although be prepared as it's controversial to say the least!

Interval excitement: Finlay, Amber, and my shining forehead.

Of course, I loved the museum and theatre visits but what made this trip so special was the people I was with. MYCO has welcomed me with open arms and I am so grateful. I loved every moment of chats, laughs, and of course singing along to musical tunes on the way home. I have so much love for you all.

Please get your tickets for our show which we're performing from 11th-15th April this year at the Theatre at Headington before they sell out! You can buy them here. Here's one of my favourites from the rehearsal shots... poor Dan having to be dragged off stage by the scruff of the neck - fun for me but not so much for him!

Thank you as always for reading. If you read my blog regularly, please click the little 'Follow' button - it's free! And would mean a lot to me.

Love,
Katie xxx

A Letter to My Grandad

It's my Grandad's birthday today and so I got to thinking about him and realised there are so many things that I've never told him. It seems ridiculous that we only really reflect on the impact someone has had on our lives in private, without ever actually telling them. So here is a letter to my Grandad that he can read: one in which I reflect on what he has done for me, the things I love about him, and the things I'm looking forward to in the years to come.

Dear Grandad,

Where to start... I suppose I'd better start with what is of course the most important thing you have given me: my love of Ireland! Technically I'm half-Irish but I often feel that the Irish blood in me outweighs that of the English haha! I could eat spuds for every meal, I drink a glass of milk with dinner every night (I'm not sure if this is even an Irish thing but you do it too... maybe we're both just slightly odd?), I get way too emotionally invested in the prospects of the Irish rugby team, I know more of the words to the Irish national anthem than those of the English one, I believe that 'I'll put the kettle on' is the phrase to solve all of life's problems, and I wear this hat you bought me with true pride.

Even you look embarrassed to be seen with me wearing this haha!

I'm definitely a home bird but Ireland is one place I can see myself moving to in the future. I can't wait to get back over to Dublin in December to get together with the whole Ledden clan!

Another thing that you have passed on a love for is Frank Sinatra. Some of my earliest memories of you consist of you singing 'Fly Me To The Moon' in your strong Dublin accent. When I was little I would sing it around the house in that same Dublin accent because that was the only way I had heard it sung! Now I love all his music and have also developed a passion for other music like his - play me some Nat King Cole or Ray Charles any day.

Grandad you have always been my biggest fan and your encouragement means more to me than I could ever say. I'm sure you end almost every phone call and visit by saying "don't forget me when you're a star... throw me a few bob when you're rich and famous" which never fails to crack me up... like I could ever forget you, famous or not! And don't worry I'm writing all my songs down in a book so I can sell it for millions one day like you always say aha!
More importantly however, you always tell me to follow my dreams. It is the best feeling in the world knowing that you will love and support me whatever I do; I know that you just want me to be happy.

Speaking of encouragement, the way you have always told me I'm beautiful and that I must have a whole line of chaps after me is great for a girl's self-confidence! Sorry to disappoint in the male department however (no, for the last time, Raymond is not my boyfriend!). But of course, you know I'm going to marry George Ezra one day so we can all look forward to that.
In all seriousness though, any future romantic partners of mine are definitely going to have to get your approval!

Another thing that I want to thank you for is the inspiration you have been, and continue to be, to me. Amongst many great things, you have faced some terrible trials in your life. From having to leave school and support your family at 14 (when I was 14 the most I had to look after were my two guinea pigs!) to so many serious injuries and illnesses I lose count - yet you have taken it all in your stride. Of course, it was all tough, but I have NEVER heard you complain despite the fact that you live in pain from your various injuries and accidents. During my years of illness, this fighters spirit you show was a huge inspiration to me and I did my best to be as brave as you (I don't think I did a very good job though, I complained a lot!) I know you'll probably hate me for writing about this stuff but I don't think people tell you how amazing you are enough - most other people would have completely lost their marbles had they been through everything you have.

Finally, and on a much lighter note, I want to thank you for all the laughs. We're always up for the craic when we're together and I love joking about with you - although I'm still not sure I've forgiven you for scaring the living daylights out of me when you gave me a fright to try and get rid of my hiccups a few months back (but then, it did work, to be fair).

So, Bernard Patrick Ledden, my wonderful Grandad, here's to many more laughs, sing-a-longs, pints of Guinness, glasses of milk, and Irish rugby victories in the future.

All my love,

Katie




Thank you as always for reading, go and tell someone you love how you feel about them today. GO. NOW.

Love,
Katie xxx

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